It's happening again

[Fiction]

Just before my overdose, I started to see ways to kill myself in everything. I'd get very graphic images in my head of doing it, with whatever was in front of me. They stopped after my overdose...

But they're back.

My councellor told me today he can't help me. I'm being discharged. Basically i'm not ill, just fucked up.

I was walking home from councelling, over the motorway bridge. I looked out into the traffic and I wanted to do it. I'm only here because I can't and won't leave certain people. Anyway, I looked into the traffic and I just got the most vivid image of me falling. Of me getting hit my the cars... It's never been this vivid before. I started crying. I must have looked so weird. Just in the middle of this bridge. No, obvious trigger, I cried. I got off the bridge as quick as I could.

I don't want this to happen again. I hate this, I can't cope with it. But I know i have to... How? I need to stay here for people. I don't get this. Any of it :/

[DarkNick]

Damn!
I wish I could be there to help you.
I believe that I know how it feels (In some points at least)
Try to stop yourself by thinking all these stuff...
Also you can start meditating...It helps a lot! :)
Pm me if you need some more help.I'll be there to help you :)

Yours,
Nick

[Rubber]

yeah i think meditating would help alot, and dong more lax things like Yoga or something. Also, music can help tune out the world sometimes too, but not music that will make you feel depressed though. But yeah, talking to people always helps me feel better, because holding your feelings in, and your thoughts is never really a good thing.

[anonymous53]

I used to get these images a lot too, did they change your medicine or anything at all Fiction? They really are quite horrible and it's not like you can avoid them either... It's not worth it though.

[Fiction]

I'm not on any medication :/

[anonymous53]

I'm not either, do you have like a therapist that helps? or just those counselors you were saying? (Not sure if that's what counselors are)
The way mine stopped was medication, therapy, incense and hippy music.

[Revolution]

I've had a similar thing, multiple times infact.. Very vivid but mines the same event each time. I'm climbing up one of the trees near my apartment, tieing the rope around a branch and jumping off. Not sure what to make of it but i'd rather not be on pills just because i'm different, so i just keep it to myself.

Was there any trigger to this event? It could be family members dying recently, etc but even things as small as you lost/broke something that you treasued, such as a certain t-shirt or jewlerry. Anything like this could cause you to feel slightly unhappy and could have been the seed that manifested itself into these suicidal thoughts.

If i'm honest though, even if you can diagnose the cause.. The 'cure' could be far more complicated.. The human mind is an impossible thing to comprehend.

[Fiction]

I got discharged from my councellor... which i think is the same or similar to a therapist... because he said he can't help me.

And Revolution, this was my trigger I think. Knowing I can't be helped.

[anonymous53]

Wait, he just gave up on helping you? That's quite piss poor, in my opinion. Maybe there is a specialist you can see?

[Fiction]

He said he can't help me because there is nothing wrong.

And I don't know. I don't really fancy telling my mum i'm not better... she thinks I am.

[anonymous53]

Is it like someone you talked to? Because him saying suicidal thoughts is "nothing wrong" is...odd.

Yeah, I know what you mean... My mother thinks I've been "better" for years. Ah well.

[Dimitri]

I beleive you still need help. Anyways...........that DUMBASS councilor of yours should have NEVER discharged you. What should have happened is your councilor should have reffered you to someone else and more preferable a trained/licensed professional. Here in the USA we have councilor, therapist, psycologist and then psychitrist.
I beleive you need ot go and see a clinically trained psycologist and htne if that does not work you need to go and see a psychiatrist, a doctor who is trained in psycology and can perscribe medications.
That councilor of yours could be sued for neglect due to the fact that he/she with full knoweldge knew that you were still unstable(no offence) and he/she discharged you anyways without a refferal to someone else.
I think you need ot see someone. Please and if not please do it for your mum, she is most likely happy that SHE thinks you are better and why would she need to see something devistating happen to her daughter laon down the line. If not for her, do it for the people here who care about you and do not want to see you go.

[Andymoto377]

I got discharged from my councellor... which i think is the same or similar to a therapist... because he said he can't help me.

And Revolution, this was my trigger I think. Knowing I can't be helped.


Counselor outlines problems, finds solutions, helps in decision making, and provides educational information, a Psychotherapist does in-depth analysis of a client's psychological makeup. You need to find someone you trust and that your comfortable with. I do think that its good it scares you and you don't want it to continue. I hope you feel better and hit me up when ever.

[Dimitri]

Counselor outlines problems, finds solutions, helps in decision making, and provides educational information, a Psychotherapist does in-depth analysis of a client's psychological makeup. You need to find someone you trust and that your comfortable with. I do think that its good it scares you and you don't want it to continue. I hope you feel better and hit me up when ever.
I agree, PM/VM whenever

[Fiction]

Is it like someone you talked to? Because him saying suicidal thoughts is "nothing wrong" is...odd.

Yeah, I know what you mean... My mother thinks I've been "better" for years. Ah well.

I told him a while back i'd considered doing it again. He pretty much avoided talking about my attempt though. I couldn't put into words how I really fault so he never really knew the whole extent of it.

I beleive you still need help. Anyways...........that DUMBASS councilor of yours should have NEVER discharged you. What should have happened is your councilor should have reffered you to someone else and more preferable a trained/licensed professional. Here in the USA we have councilor, therapist, psycologist and then psychitrist.
I beleive you need ot go and see a clinically trained psycologist and htne if that does not work you need to go and see a psychiatrist, a doctor who is trained in psycology and can perscribe medications.
That councilor of yours could be sued for neglect due to the fact that he/she with full knoweldge knew that you were still unstable(no offence) and he/she discharged you anyways without a refferal to someone else.
I think you need ot see someone. Please and if not please do it for your mum, she is most likely happy that SHE thinks you are better and why would she need to see something devistating happen to her daughter laon down the line. If not for her, do it for the people here who care about you and do not want to see you go.

He didn't refer me somewhere because I'm not ill, and he thinks i'll do fine, apparently. I don't know how to get further help? And I really don't want to tell my mum. She doesn't get any of it. :/

[Dimitri]

What you can do is call you primary care physician or talk to your councilor at school, they should be able to help you.

[georgiamay]

Honestly, this councellor sounds like a fucking idiot. You've told him that you've considered commiting suicide, no good councellor would just ingore that, let alone tell you that there's nothing wrong and that you didn't need councelling.

I know taling to your mum will be hard, but I think you need to talk to a professional. Councellors aren't therapists, they aren't psychiatrists, psychologists or doctors, so they don't really know much about mental health at all.

I don't want to be offensive or anything, but if you're actually visualising killing yourself, you do need to talk to a professional. Maybe go to your GP, and ask them to talk to your parents for you? They can't tell your parents what you say 'cause it's confidential, but they can say that you need some help and some support along with it.

You know where I am yeah? :)

[Dimitri]

Honestly, this councellor sounds like a fucking idiot. You've told him that you've considered commiting suicide, no good councellor would just ingore that, let alone tell you that there's nothing wrong and that you didn't need councelling.

I know taling to your mum will be hard, but I think you need to talk to a professional. Councellors aren't therapists, they aren't psychiatrists, psychologists or doctors, so they don't really know much about mental health at all.

I don't want to be offensive or anything, but if you're actually visualising killing yourself, you do need to talk to a professional. Maybe go to your GP, and ask them to talk to your parents for you? They can't tell your parents what you say 'cause it's confidential, but they can say that you need some help and some support along with it.

You know where I am yeah? :)
YES We have a breakthrough

[FullyAlive]

There isn't much I can add to what everyone else has said. But you do really need to consider getting other help. Your counsellor was a fool, another one maybe? Or something else, if you think about what do you really think will help you?

And also as I've said before you need to help yourself as well, stop thinking about the past, you can't change it now. Try not to feel guilty. And keep focusing in whoever it is you're staying for. Do it for them.

If you can't face telling your mum, maybe write it or erm text it her? Or just try getting help without her and I'm sure she'll be informed in due time.

I'm here if you need me xxx

[Fiction]

Thanks everybody.

My mum just looked so happy when I told her today he discharged me >< Going on about good it was. I just sat there like.. yeah...

I might go to my GP. I'll think about it.

Thanks all of you :) I'm really trying hard to fight this don't worry :)

[Dimitri]

Let us know what happens then

[anonymous53]

Thanks everybody.

My mum just looked so happy when I told her today he discharged me >< Going on about good it was. I just sat there like.. yeah...

I might go to my GP. I'll think about it.

Thanks all of you :) I'm really trying hard to fight this don't worry :)


Fight it with all you've got :) "You can do eeeeet" :0

[Fiction]

Let us know what happens then

Will do. :)

Fight it with all you've got :) "You can do eeeeet" :0

I'll try :P