Reason why im here :(

[moon_lit_angel]

Its been 3 years to this day..! 3 years since my life turned upside down :(
3 years since i was r*ped by 3 guys.! :(
That one day i'll never forget, how can i.?
It changed my life forever. Those big 6ft guys, muscular, like they played rugby, the smell of their Hot Spice aftershave, there cruel blue eyes and black hair..
Why did i have to walk through that park that day. Why..?

My stupid ex-boyfriend, its his fault, his fault for not turning up to meet me, maybe he planned this, the sick ****..! He did accuse me of cheating on him after i told him what happened. Said im making this up.... What sort of a sick person would make up such a thing..!

The reality of it all is still a blur.. that 40 minutes or so of hell. the heavy knee on my chest pinning me to the ground. one guy brutally r*ping me, another pinning me to the ground with his knee and feeling my breasts....the 3rd guy standing on my arms and *playing* with himself whilst i was been r*ped.. The things they said...*oh your so pretty, you'd make a fine prostitute, i know i'd pay big money just to get to F*ck you over and over again* "you know you want it so stop crying like a little girl".. I screamed and cried but nothing came out, i couldnt fight, they were just so overpowering... they each r*ped me over and over again... i was brutally r*ped.. i was only 16 after all.. oral sex too...now i just hate the thoughts of everything.!

The cuts, bruises, the sickness, its all coming back....just makes me want to vomit...! the flashbacks, reliving it over and over and over again..
i cant go back to that park, i cant go near it..anytime i see it i just freak a little inside and im like "what if they're there?"

what am i suppose to do.. i sh and have and ed, i cant stop.. i cant stop.. :(

its 3 years today..! :( i just cant..........

[xDLOL]

My god..that's horrible. I can't even imagine having that happen...

We're here to support you though.

[justmehere]

that's horrible. i'm sorry it happened to you. *hugs*
but the important part is you made it right? you're here 3 years later! and even though it's bothering you now,you made it through! congratz for that :)
and if you ever need to talk you can PM me <3

[Nevermore]

(huggs) Have you told anyone about this? I really think you should, get this reported. These people should be punished. I was sexually abused on multiple occasions, and well, I know what it's like not to tell anyone. Think of it this way, they could do it to someone else. It's not your fault you were raped. Your ex should've met you, but what happened was those 3 guys fault. Honestly if I was dictator all rapists and sexual abusers would get castrated if I had my way. What you need to do is go to a school guidance counsler, or your parents, some adult you trust and confide in them. Talk to them about this, ask for help for your sh and ed. I'm here for you. <3 You can PM or VM anytime you ever want to talk.
With flashbacks my guidance counsler told me stop yourself. Tell yourself this isn't the now, look around the room feel the desk your sititng at, try and ground yourself, and distract yourself. I know how hard they can be relieving that over and over... I'm going through taht currently as well. You can get help, and you can stop, and get better.
As for your ex not understanding, he's an asshole, ignore him. It's good he's your ex now.

[Spook]

That's so horrible. I can't imagine how...how people can be that evil.

Even though it's been three years, it's not too late to report it. They can still find those guys and put them behind bars! Nobody deserves that. (I completely agree with Sammy)

Go tell somebody. If you don't want those images coming back to you, then when they are behind bars they won't. At least, you'll lose some of that fear and finally put them to justice for what they did.

*Hugz* Were all here for you on VT. Pm me if you ever need to talk.

[MattVon]

*It does sound horrifically disgusting what they did to you, I hope your reported them because if you haven't who's to say they may pull it off again? Being male, I can't really say I know how you feel, the most I can say or do is to help you to stop thinking about it. In time the memory will fade away, all you need is someone in your life to change that, though saying that I've heard that some girls find it hard to have a relationship after being raped. Everyone's different I guess, what you need to do is thoroughly occupy yourself so you have no time to recall said events, and if you haven't already seek some professional help. As everyone has said, I am also here for you to talk to. I honestly don't mind talking about random stuff to help you forget.

[moon_lit_angel]

It does sound horrifically disgusting what they did to you, I hope your reported them because if you haven't who's to say they may pull it off again? Being male, I can't really say I know how you feel, the most I can say or do is to help you to stop thinking about it. In time the memory will fade away, all you need is someone in your life to change that, though saying that I've heard that some girls find it hard to have a relationship after being raped. Everyone's different I guess, what you need to do is thoroughly occupy yourself so you have no time to recall said events, and if you haven't already seek some professional help. As everyone has said, I am also here for you to talk to. I honestly don't mind talking about random stuff to help you forget.

Thanks matt, well all i can say is no i didnt report it because i felt ashamed and thought no one would believe me especially after what my ex said.

That's so horrible. I can't imagine how...how people can be that evil.

Even though it's been three years, it's not too late to report it. They can still find those guys and put them behind bars! Nobody deserves that. (I completely agree with Sammy)

Go tell somebody. If you don't want those images coming back to you, then when they are behind bars they won't. At least, you'll lose some of that fear and finally put them to justice for what they did.

*Hugz* Were all here for you on VT. Pm me if you ever need to talk.

thanks hun, well i know its not to late to report them, i have told the counsellor i was seeing during college about it because it happened again during college year :( with someone in my course.. The main problem is i was actually pregnant after my first attack and lost the baby at 4 months.

(huggs) Have you told anyone about this? I really think you should, get this reported. These people should be punished. I was sexually abused on multiple occasions, and well, I know what it's like not to tell anyone. Think of it this way, they could do it to someone else. It's not your fault you were raped. Your ex should've met you, but what happened was those 3 guys fault. Honestly if I was dictator all rapists and sexual abusers would get castrated if I had my way. What you need to do is go to a school guidance counsler, or your parents, some adult you trust and confide in them. Talk to them about this, ask for help for your sh and ed. I'm here for you. <3 You can PM or VM anytime you ever want to talk.
With flashbacks my guidance counsler told me stop yourself. Tell yourself this isn't the now, look around the room feel the desk your sititng at, try and ground yourself, and distract yourself. I know how hard they can be relieving that over and over... I'm going through taht currently as well. You can get help, and you can stop, and get better.
As for your ex not understanding, he's an asshole, ignore him. It's good he's your ex now.

thanks hun. well i've been abused myself before and as i said above its happened to me again only a few months ago and i lost a child i'm really not coping and cant tell anyone about it :(

that's horrible. i'm sorry it happened to you. *hugs*
but the important part is you made it right? you're here 3 years later! and even though it's bothering you now,you made it through! congratz for that :)
and if you ever need to talk you can PM me <3

Thank you its taken alot to get here

My god..that's horrible. I can't even imagine having that happen...

We're here to support you though.

thank you :)

[MattVon]

Thanks matt, well all i can say is no i didnt report it because i felt ashamed and thought no one would believe me especially after what my ex said.You shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself, you never asked for it to happen as it was forced upon you. If anything you should feel disgusted that they did it to you, not upset with yourself about it. As for people not believing you, that's possibly a tiny bit silly on your behalf but I guess understandable. If reported to the appropriate people they would have acted immediately. I guess it'll be too late for anything to be done about it now though, I don't really know to be honest. Just know we're all to support you. =]

[moon_lit_angel]

You shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself, you never asked for it to happen as it was forced upon you. If anything you should feel disgusted that they did it to you, not upset with yourself about it. As for people not believing you, that's possibly a tiny bit silly on your behalf but I guess understandable. If reported to the appropriate people they would have acted immediately. I guess it'll be too late for anything to be done about it now though, I don't really know to be honest. Just know we're all to support you. =]

but i do :( and i cant change how i feel :( and thanks

[MattVon]

but i do :( and i cant change how i feel :( and thanksIn time, don't you worry. Let's just be thankful it happened the once and wasn't a repeated process(having it not happen at all would have been better but there's nothing that can be undone about that unfortunately), so you're healing from the incident even if you're unaware of it.

[moon_lit_angel]

In time, don't you worry. Let's just be thankful it happened the once and wasn't a repeated process(having it not happen at all would have been better but there's nothing that can be undone about that unfortunately), so you're healing from the incident even if you're unaware of it.

it has happened again matt :(

[MattVon]

it has happened again matt :(
Oh dear. :(
I would talk about it, and ask but it's probably not best to dwell on the matter which will only make you remember more and more. If it's more recent, I would report them as soon as.

[moon_lit_angel]

Oh dear. :(
I would talk about it, and ask but it's probably not best to dwell on the matter which will only make you remember more and more. If it's more recent, I would report them as soon as.

i know i should :( i cant.. i just sh instead and make my ed worse :( :( :'(

[JoshPagan]

I am so sorry that happened to you. That is very awful! I'm not much of an empath, but I can feel the pain and misery you are going through. God, or what ever God or Goddess you believe in will help you get through this time. Karma will get them back severely for their actions.

Blessings and I hope you through this.

[music is my soul]

oh my God im speechless. i dont know what to say. but im always here if you need to talk and im praying for you. but never think your in this alone. we're all here for you.

[SometimesThere]

I can't say just how much I'm sorry for you. Your story nearly brought me to tears.

Those men that did such horrible things to you are monsters and should be locked up for life. I can understand why you may be hesitant to report to the Garda in Ireland (considering that incident in Mayo lately), but if you can, report it.

Or else, this site might be helpful to you if you haven't seen it before: http://www.rcni.ie/

I really hope that one day you feel better. (Hugs) I, and many other people on this site are here for you.

[moon_lit_angel]

I am so sorry that happened to you. That is very awful! I'm not much of an empath, but I can feel the pain and misery you are going through. God, or what ever God or Goddess you believe in will help you get through this time. Karma will get them back severely for their actions.

Blessings and I hope you through this.

I dunno if i believe in god anymore, because if he was real this would never of happened.

oh my God im speechless. i dont know what to say. but im always here if you need to talk and im praying for you. but never think your in this alone. we're all here for you.

thank you hun :)

I can't say just how much I'm sorry for you. Your story nearly brought me to tears.

Those men that did such horrible things to you are monsters and should be locked up for life. I can understand why you may be hesitant to report to the Garda in Ireland (considering that incident in Mayo lately), but if you can, report it.

Or else, this site might be helpful to you if you haven't seen it before: http://www.rcni.ie/

I really hope that one day you feel better. (Hugs) I, and many other people on this site are here for you.

thank you hun are you from ireland yourself?

[SometimesThere]

thank you hun are you from ireland yourself?

Yes, I am. So you can PM me if you want.

[moon_lit_angel]

Yes, I am. So you can PM me if you want.

yeah i will :)

[MattVon]

i know i should :( i cant.. i just sh instead and make my ed worse :( :( :'(
None the less, I am always available to talk to if you ever need someone to talk to. I'd be more than happy to help you out with anything.

[moon_lit_angel]

Thanks Matt

[georgiamay]

hun, :hug3:

Everyone else has said everything I can think of, but thought I'd add that you can PM me anytime.
I can assure you that if you report it or tell someone, they will believe you and take you seriously.
No matter how ashamed you feel, remember that it really isn't your fault, I know they me saying that won't make much difference, I just thought I should remind you. It isn't your fault at all.

[moon_lit_angel]

thanks georgia means alot :)
x
:hug:

[Rayquaza]

That was sick and twisted, and I feel for you. I think it would be wise to tell a really really good friend who wont judge you or spread anything round and just tell them and let them comfort you.

[moon_lit_angel]

thanks