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View Full Version : Best friends.... or gay lovers.


farkingdom
April 11th, 2011, 08:28 AM
I know this guy for quite awhile. He had a best friend that left and went off to study in another country. So let's say in the beginning, I'm not close to him. But during class, I sat and talked to him a lot. Eventually our friendship became what was known as - best friends. We communicated mainly through text messages and internet messengers. At first, he was fun to talk with, we told jokes, played games, ....but suddenly...

I started to become emotionally attached to. Not only that, I became jealous when he contacted his previous best friend or any good friends instead of me. I'm always thinking that maybe I have to back off sometimes, but I can't resist. I really love this dude. I was always sending him messages but his replies are short (eg: o.O) At times,he seemed totally uninterested to talk to me. Few months ago, I quarreled with him almost everyday because of his lack of response or when he was hanging out with another friend because he rejected my offer to hang out with me instead. I was always the first to apologize, if not he probably wouldn't do anything and let the situation be- forever. I hate it. Besides, I'm always the first one to do IMs, SMS, or whatsoever in order to communicate with him. If not, we wouldn't be talking forever. He's probably a not-so expressive kinda person.

I always tend to type long text messages since I don't get a chance to go out with him or at least meet him. But after getting an unsatisfied answer such as "ok..." or no reply at all, I tend to explode in anger. And I'll probably type emotional hurting message hoping that he would argue back ... but no. He let it be. So again I apologized. Because he won't do anything or respond. And this whole cycle repeats again.

Recently when I talked to him, I could feel this depressing aura or whatever you call it. And he told me he felt the same too.

I know it's my attitude. But I just can't change myself. I always call him "best friend", "I miss you dude" and stuff. And I think he's getting sick of it ;he called me to stop texting him emo messages and destroying his day.

Before you call me gay or whatsoever, I stand firm that I'm not. I did not fantasize having sex with this guy or kissing him. I once had a crushed on a girl I like.

My emotion is messed up. My attitude... I don't like it myself and always trying to change. Him... I must talk and hang out, but he's not really outgoing. I wanted to get close to this fella. I want him to be my loving brother. What should I do?

SimSailorNick
April 11th, 2011, 08:37 AM
I think you should leave him be for awhile. If he notices that you've stopped texting him or communicating with maybe he'll go to you and start the conversation. If not, then maybe you should find someone else because there's a chance that he might not be in to you. Good luck!

farkingdom
April 11th, 2011, 08:25 PM
Thanks I'll try :)

ShaneK
April 11th, 2011, 08:55 PM
We all need space an your not giving him any. As has been said don't bother him for a while and see if he gets back to you. I see or hear from my best friend just once a week (maybe twice) cos were both busy and have other things goin on in our lives.

DarkNick
April 13th, 2011, 04:17 PM
And I though that I was the only human in the universe who goes through a strange situation like that!
Look m8 I'm going through the exactly same thing.The only difference is that it is happening for years..
The crush let's say part might be explained easily.In my case I found out that his attitude (It's the attitude that your friend has)lead me to think that I had a crush on him.Perhaps I did/do but It's a big plus that hot-cold situations...
Let him be alone for a while.Usually this type of guys prefer to be loners and they don't want you to know some things like the best friend thing that you described above,or even if they do they won't say it!
You have to understand what he wants by his moves(not just his words be careful!)
When he'll feel that he needs you,he will come back and he will ask for some answers (play his game).It may take a while...
But my personal opinion is that you should let him go...
I didn't do it with that friend of mine and I got completely destroyed,plus he learned about my secret crush for him and then the things got more complicated etc....
But who knows,you may have a better luck! ;)
Pm me if you need something!
Good Luck and let me know!
Sincerely yours
Nick.

farkingdom
April 13th, 2011, 11:57 PM
Thanks Nick, it was a great help. At least I know there are people out there in the same situation as me. I guess I'll just continue to be his friend.... letting him go as just too sad and I don't think I have the strength to endure it.

Rayquaza
April 14th, 2011, 06:11 AM
give him about a couple months space. If you still like him, try contacting him after some time, or he might contact you

DarkNick
April 14th, 2011, 03:44 PM
Thanks Nick, it was a great help. At least I know there are people out there in the same situation as me. I guess I'll just continue to be his friend.... letting him go as just too sad and I don't think I have the strength to endure it.

Well your choice might be correct.As I said before the future might be different for you :)

But I'll give you one advice.Don't be so emotional connected with him.I did the same thing,I said the same words and it the end I took my decision back.It hurted me so much more.But since life should be full of experiences you MUST live that experience too...It's very precious trust me :) (I know that I may sound like a crazy man but I'm not, at least I hope so :P )

Always happy to help you m8 :D
Nick

farkingdom
April 15th, 2011, 11:26 AM
Strangely the only thing that can get my mind off him as just hanging out with my friends...
I think I'm growing insane just not talking to him. I don't have the inner strength to stop communicating with him. It's like I can't cut him off completely- even though I tried clearing off his contact number on my phone, I still memorized his number and added him back in! What should I do? Before I give up and communicate with him again.

DarkNick
April 15th, 2011, 03:54 PM
Strangely the only thing that can get my mind off him as just hanging out with my friends...
I think I'm growing insane just not talking to him. I don't have the inner strength to stop communicating with him. It's like I can't cut him off completely- even though I tried clearing off his contact number on my phone, I still memorized his number and added him back in! What should I do? Before I give up and communicate with him again.

I can feel you trust me.
To be honest there's not really a way to escape :P But you can try to keep yourself down when you're thinking about him.For example when you get jealous or maniac listen to a hard metal(or whatever express you better) song and use your feelings in order to dance,scream etc.In that way you'll learn to control yourself sooner or later :)

farkingdom
April 15th, 2011, 09:49 PM
I can feel you trust me.
To be honest there's not really a way to escape :P But you can try to keep yourself down when you're thinking about him.For example when you get jealous or maniac listen to a hard metal(or whatever express you better) song and use your feelings in order to dance,scream etc.In that way you'll learn to control yourself sooner or later :)

Thanks. It seems like days that I last contacted him. Apparently he didn't bother about me when I didn't bother him... ouch. Nor does he care to find me :( I guess listening to music does help afterall. By the way, I'm kinda curious how did you and your friend work out in the end? Are you guys still contacting each other?

DarkNick
April 16th, 2011, 05:15 AM
Thanks. It seems like days that I last contacted him. Apparently he didn't bother about me when I didn't bother him... ouch. Nor does he care to find me :( I guess listening to music does help afterall. By the way, I'm kinda curious how did you and your friend work out in the end? Are you guys still contacting each other?

Haha..well you can add me in msn if you like so I can tell you from there(It's a long story :/) I'm sure that you'll find my story intresting... :P

To be honest it's a normal reaction...He'll talk to you sooner or later don't worry :)

Nelson
April 17th, 2011, 08:39 AM
Okay, I had the same type of friendship with my (now ex) best friend, we classified ourselves as brothers.

He knew full well that I'm bisexual, and I had the same form of emotional attachment, and there was no sexual attachment.
I always did the same thing as you, long texts, the 'I miss you bro' texts and everything, then he decided he didn't like how attached I was..
I ended up trying to commit suicide because we had a massive fight.

My best advice, time.
Three months it took for my exbestfriend to start talking to me again, he acknowledged that he still cares about me and stuff, and he didn't want our friendship to end the way it did.
We try to talk, yes it's awkward, but progress is progress mate.