Love...

[Sosaku]

I'm in love...and i need to get over it...i'm sure you will agree....

i've not slept in 10 days...i'm beginning to stop eating...and i'm only happy when he is around...i do whatever he says, jokingly or not...he is straight, i'm gay...

My friends are so worried, that if i don't get sleep by this weekend...they are giving me melatonin...

[SimSailorNick]

Does he know you're in love with him? And if he's the reason why you can't sleep and don't eat, which is dangerous to your health, then i think you should stop obsessing. I don't think you should also do whatever he says because he might see that you keep doing everything he says and he'll end up using you and abusing you. And if he's straight and you're gay, why would you want to take the risk of being in love with him in the first place?

[Sosaku]

I didn't want to...
I don't want to....

he doesn't really know, that i know of, he's only told me to be nicer to someone, and it is now physically impossible for me to do it...it hurts me...

I don't want to obsess...if i could, i would break this infatuation...
It makes him unhappy when a guy likes him...and i just want him to be happy, so i can't tell him...which i know, his reaction to that, will break my infatuation....

I'm so messed up. . .

[Sosaku]

btw, an update, i slept, and dreamt about him, and i've been eating, i dreamed that he was a little jokingly upset, and he told me, about time you've slept, i've missed you....

[Matt Matoran]

dude, i hear you... i hate it when this kind of things happens... the only thing i can do is move onto someone else or just spend more time with friends... that usually takes my mind off of it... but yea, it DOES take a loooong time before you get over this kind of feeling... it really sucks... good luck though!

[redmann]

Well i actually had this problem like and it went on for seven monthes and i finally asked my counselor and he said once you stop fantasizing about him then you will start to get over him. and it actually works really well

[tpzy94]

think about the negative stuff bout that person lol

[Sosaku]

there is nothing negative about him...all the negative things became positive.

[Matt Matoran]

there is nothing negative about him...all the negative things became positive.

dang... dude... this really is EXACTLY how i felt about someone else... he's a really close friend now, but i loved him a lot... the only way i got over him was doing a lot of work and playing a ton of sports... i was really too tired to think about anything else after that... then after about two or three months i was able to move on... its really hard to do that though... good luck man!

[Apollo.]

I'm going to say the good old fashioned "time is a great healer" line sorry but it's true:)

[Sosaku]

well, tonight was embarassing...

We ended up playing "Never have I ever..." and this girl was heartless, and she knew i wasn't a virgin...so she said some things...and he was there...i appologized to him...and he said i shouldn't...then i said i should have lied...and he told me no...that he had fun tonight...

[Lights]

I'm in the same place as you, man: in love with a boy who's totally straight. It's horrible and I know it is because you just want them to such an incredible degree. Always fantasising about them; always thinking of the 'what ifs'; always staring at their name on Facebook chat wondering whether to say something; and so on.

I just have to keep telling myself that in time I'll get over him. I encourage you to think along the same wavelength for the own happiness.

[smitty35]

I think its time to tell him. I know that you love him, so mabye he might not be str8. People may appear to be something, but actually may be something else. Something else that you will come to love and appreciate.

[Sosaku]

well, he is trying to date this girl he finally asked to prom...and according to someone he talks to regularly...if she denies him, he is just giving up. Friends at his old school told him that he should just go gay because he'll never get a girl...

She also said, that if he DOES try "going gay" the first person he'll come to is me...because i'm the closest gay friend he has, well his only one...and that he thinks i like him. Which confuses me, because he always said he HATED when guys liked him...

She said he'd do that because he doesn't want to be rejected again...

[greekyogurt]

The only advice I've got for you is to tell him. Don't expect anything from it, besides being able to feel less like you're having to carry around a burden all the time. He may react in one way or another, there's a chance he'll take into consideration how you feel, react accordingly, and then there's a chance he'll just turn you away.
Honestly, it sounds like a sticky situation, whereas you feel, no matter what you end up deciding to do, you can't really win. It's either you tell him or you don't, telling him can end your friendship, not telling him will just put more pressure on you.
But, in the end, what you need to focus on is yourself and how you feel. Not sleeping and eating is only going to make it worse, as will keeping it all inside.
Like, let's put it this way: If you don't tell him, and in the end, he really is against accepting that you feel that way, you'd end up feeling like all this time, you were simply procrastinating, putting it off until later, and, no matter what people say, sometimes time isn't enough to make things like this better. If it's the opposite - well, I'm sure you know what you'd think. "Oh, I spent all this time worrying when it's just fine." If you do tell him now, you can get it over with - if he's not up for it, that's his problem. It'll hurt you, but you'll get over it, if he is, good for you, you made progress.
The only way you can move forward is, really, by just telling him. Don't wait around for him to make the first move, because that has a chance of never really happening (at least it sounds that way.)
I'll be honest with you, it might not work out. It can get even worse. But as long as it's out there, you're in a better place than you are now, where you can't do anything at all, and can't move on because you're bottling it all up.
In the end, the outcome depends on how he feels and solely that, but, for now, you have control over the situation. It's best to make use of that.

[Sosaku]

i want to see if time makes me feel better, a friend said that just it is only happening because he is at the moment, confident in himself. i'm not sure if i can ever make him happy...

Atm, he is not doing so well, and i know i CANT tell him now...if i do...it'll make everything worse. I want to wait until he gives up on this girl...he seems so impatient to get a girlfriend...and i have theories about that...i think he is bi-curious...and he is impatient to get a girlfriend. i think that he wants a girlfriend to hide those feelings...i've seen him look at me, its a confused, yet content look...he looks at me sometimes as though he is trying to read me...which i do the same...

i could be LOOKING for the things that will confirm my hopes...i know when i tell him i love him...he is going to be different, and i like it how it is now...but i dont like how i feel when people are around...if i can get him alone...i'll probably tell him...otherwise, i'm not doing it...he reacts when there are other people around...if it is just him and me, it should be different.

[greekyogurt]

i want to see if time makes me feel better, a friend said that just it is only happening because he is at the moment, confident in himself. i'm not sure if i can ever make him happy...

Atm, he is not doing so well, and i know i CANT tell him now...if i do...it'll make everything worse. I want to wait until he gives up on this girl...he seems so impatient to get a girlfriend...and i have theories about that...i think he is bi-curious...and he is impatient to get a girlfriend. i think that he wants a girlfriend to hide those feelings...i've seen him look at me, its a confused, yet content look...he looks at me sometimes as though he is trying to read me...which i do the same...

i could be LOOKING for the things that will confirm my hopes...i know when i tell him i love him...he is going to be different, and i like it how it is now...but i dont like how i feel when people are around...if i can get him alone...i'll probably tell him...otherwise, i'm not doing it...he reacts when there are other people around...if it is just him and me, it should be different.

That sounds like a good idea if he's already not feeling well, it wouldn't help to just add your problems on top of the stuff he's already having to deal with.
As for the way he looks at you, I don't know. It might be wishful thinking, but it might not. He could just be dealing with something similar to your issue, except it has to do with him trying to uphold his reputation, in a way, and trying to get this girl he's after.
And it's good that you know it'll be different, that'll help when the time comes because it won't be such a surprise. I know you probably like the way things are now, of course, because you get to be close to him, talk to him, be his friend, etc. but if it's got you this distraught, it's best if it comes out when the time is right. It's not healthy to hold back as much as you are.
Regardless, it is your decision. Of course you need time to think about what you're going to say, try to find a time that's right for it, and all of that other stuff. Just don't leave it up to time completely, whereas you think, if you just sit and wait it out it'll somehow get magically fixed, because that's not the case.
I wish you the best of luck, really. I know it's not easy being in that type of situation and it can really get to you in the end.

[Sosaku]

That sounds like a good idea if he's already not feeling well, it wouldn't help to just add your problems on top of the stuff he's already having to deal with.
As for the way he looks at you, I don't know. It might be wishful thinking, but it might not. He could just be dealing with something similar to your issue, except it has to do with him trying to uphold his reputation, in a way, and trying to get this girl he's after.
And it's good that you know it'll be different, that'll help when the time comes because it won't be such a surprise. I know you probably like the way things are now, of course, because you get to be close to him, talk to him, be his friend, etc. but if it's got you this distraught, it's best if it comes out when the time is right. It's not healthy to hold back as much as you are.
Regardless, it is your decision. Of course you need time to think about what you're going to say, try to find a time that's right for it, and all of that other stuff. Just don't leave it up to time completely, whereas you think, if you just sit and wait it out it'll somehow get magically fixed, because that's not the case.
I wish you the best of luck, really. I know it's not easy being in that type of situation and it can really get to you in the end.

BTW, i've gotten better, as i've said before, i began doing everything he has said...and besides when they tried to give me melatonin, i forced myself to sleep...however saturday, i appologized for him finding out about my...past...and he told me that it was ok, and i just felt so bad...all he told me was, "calm down" and i've gotten better, i still love him, but i sleep, i eat, sometimes....(like now i'm studying so havent eaten breakfast, and may not eat lunch...idk..)

people say its bad that im doing what he say, but subconsiously i'm doing it...i mean, if he tells me to give him a blowjob in front of people i wont...that's stupid...i'm not a slave...its just that...i cant help myself...i love him, and my submissive personality...and his dominant "in charge" personality, seems to fit perfectly...he wants someone he can tell what to do, but not be a slavemaster too...and will be happy...and i want someone to tell me what to do yet not have a master...

could be coincidence, and thats exactly what i think it is...but we like many of the same thing, which is weird....because the things we like, no one else would ever like, We've both seen and enjoyed watching...The human Centipede...personally i can't wait until there are more....we both love zombies.....we are both almost addicted to Mtn Dew......and we are both smart lol........

[greekyogurt]

BTW, i've gotten better, as i've said before, i began doing everything he has said...and besides when they tried to give me melatonin, i forced myself to sleep...however saturday, i appologized for him finding out about my...past...and he told me that it was ok, and i just felt so bad...all he told me was, "calm down" and i've gotten better, i still love him, but i sleep, i eat, sometimes....(like now i'm studying so havent eaten breakfast, and may not eat lunch...idk..)

people say its bad that im doing what he say, but subconsiously i'm doing it...i mean, if he tells me to give him a blowjob in front of people i wont...that's stupid...i'm not a slave...its just that...i cant help myself...i love him, and my submissive personality...and his dominant "in charge" personality, seems to fit perfectly...he wants someone he can tell what to do, but not be a slavemaster too...and will be happy...and i want someone to tell me what to do yet not have a master...

could be coincidence, and thats exactly what i think it is...but we like many of the same thing, which is weird....because the things we like, no one else would ever like, We've both seen and enjoyed watching...The human Centipede...personally i can't wait until there are more....we both love zombies.....we are both almost addicted to Mtn Dew......and we are both smart lol........
It's good that you're getting better, really, but you've still got room to improve. Simply don't stress out over it as much as you seem to have been doing.
As for the master/slave thing, xD it's normal. Well, not really common, but it's fine the way it is. People might be telling you not to listen to him, but if you want to listen to him, go ahead. It's just part of your personality. Just don't let him force you into things you might not want to do. It's true, like they said before, he could just use you and abuse you because of it, but if he's a good person (hopefully he is), he won't. Besides, it sounds like you trust him and have faith in him, and that's what loving someone is about, right?
As for the rest, it sounds like you both have chemistry and all that jazz. There's some sort of balance when it comes to your relationship, as you said, with him being the dominant one and you being the submissive one, therefore, if it works out, I'm sure it's prone to go well. He sounds like a good friend, as do you, and so now, really, all you have to do is just wait. Hopefully he gets over that girl soon enough, since it seems it's not only bothering you but him as well, and when that time comes around, try bringing up how you feel. Make sure you think about what you want to say beforehand, of course, and that you aren't being too - eh, how to put it? Awkward about it, really. xD Make sure things run smoothly and that you take into consideration that he might not react exactly how you want him to.
In the end, keep in mind that it's not a "life or death" situation. If he does end up rejecting you, it won't be the end of the world. You'll probably be sad and hurt, of course, but you just have to remember you went into it knowing that it was a possibility.
I know you can't choose who you fall in love with, it just happens, so - yeah, remember it's not your fault.
Also, I can't believe you two actually liked that movie. xD
If you ever need anyone to talk to, though, you can talk to me.
Again, good luck. :3

[Sosaku]

(that movie was great lol anyway...)

i just heard that on his bucket list, like one of the top 5, is to be best friends with a gay guy...and with his upbringing, idk why he'd want that...from what i've heard, he feels the way i did when i was in the closet, and how i sometimes feel now, because i'm not completely out...

I plan on doing it when we are alone...he has a fear of guys hitting on him or so he says, so i believe that if it is just me and him, and POSSIBLY a mediator...then he knows i care about his reptuation, and that i just want to tell him, however, i am hoping he brings it up before i decide to tell him..because it is difficult to jus ttell someone something...its almost physically impossible for me to even have this thread up...because it isn't me...i feel like i just can't go anywhere now...so i came here...to VT...

[greekyogurt]

It was, just a bit morbid. LOL. xD Either way, I liked it too, but it was... different.
Well, it might feel like you can't do anything at all at this point, but look over what you've said. You've opened up a bit about what's going on so far, that's progress, means you're getting more comfortable with how you feel.
As for the similarities, I see where you're coming from. He might just be insecure about his sexuality or how he feels in general. But that's an assumption, so don't go too far with it.
Honestly, though, you can hope all you want that he'll bring it up before you do, but that's not going to make it happen. I'm not saying it won't at all, but, like I said before, don't just sit around and wait it out. It'll never get done if you keep waiting for him to do it when he doesn't plan on doing it. I understand you probably want to just wait a bit more, see if things go anywhere, and you're against acting on impulse (as far as I can tell) and that's just fine. It's actually a good thing.
My point is: If it doesn't go anywhere at all for a while, you'll have to step up, otherwise you'll keep on feeling this way and it'll only get worse.
I mean, who knows? He might be feeling what you're feeling, in some way. Maybe he does like you too, but is just doing what you're doing and waiting around for the time to come where you'll start a conversation about it. It might not seem likely, but there's a chance, right? If it is that way, you two could keep going on like this forever - seriously. xD
So just don't look into it too much. It's not like it's inclined to go bad. You just have to expect him to at least understand and go through with it, it's not like that's overestimating how much he can take in.
Suffice to say you have every right to feel the way you feel, there's no reason to be ashamed of it, and, to look on the bright side, it's a good thing you've got going here - though, of course, it isn't exactly your cup of tea at the moment (obviously), it can turn into something a lot more. Pursue it.

[Sosaku]

i REALLY hope you are right...however, i'm quite the pessimist, and so is he...he says he is very desparate, jokingly(when around people), however when we were alone, he told me he wishes people would take him very seriously...He is stubborn...and there are MANY things i would not like about him....but i find very cute, things i have despised EVERY minute of my life, he has....and i like....but ONLY on him...

ie, i HATE body hair, and he has a lot of body hair, and i think its cute and fluffy, and i kinda wanna pet him lol...

he makes these weird noises, i used to hate them, now i think they are cute and they make me blush...i did a complete 180 since the beginning of this school year...

[Sosaku]

I got a haircut today, sad to say, i miss my bangs, he saw my hair, and all i wanted to do is blush...