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Old February 8th, 2011, 01:20 PM   #1
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Name: Sammy <3
Join Date: November 5, 2010
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 4
Default >_< I hate myself DX

Dear Sammy,
You just had to eat didn't you. Your so freakin weak. You think you were hungry? So what, you were shaky, and dizzy, nausious, and tired, and felt like you were going to pass out, you didn't have to go and gorge yourself. Yes, I realize I"m speaking in third person, I jsut hate myself right now. I ate a blueberry muffin, some tea, salad, and yes, two cookies. I want to die right now, because all of that is inside me. Tea was 0 calories because it had no sugar. I read the blueberry muffin was 150 cals, the salad with little to no dressing at most 230. The cookies i heard each was 80. So that's 440 total if I did the math right. I'm on my period, and also anemic. So I need the calories in reality, but mentally, I want to cut it out of me as of a punishment. I've tried to throw it all up twice while in school. In school! Of all places where I could've gotten caught. I feel completely fat, and horrible, and I just can't stand myself. However I'm no longer shaky, or dizzy, I'm just still nausious. I was going to go to the guidance counsler today and tell her my problem. I felt like the whole cafeteria was starring, oh my gosh, Sammy is eating AGAIN! Even though it wasn't all at once. It was in the morning, and in the afternoon. I broke down crying both times, while eating and after I ate. I then scratched some scabs off of my arm, and they started to bleed. I just want to be rid of the anxiety, paranioa, and the guilt of eating. I'm an emotional reck right now. I just can't calm down. :'( I dont' know what to do anymore. I don't want to feel this way anymore, I'm sick of being anxious and feeling this way!! I'm done!

Charlie Girl and Ichigo are my Wiccan sisers
Animal Luverrr is my lil sis <3
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Old February 8th, 2011, 03:03 PM   #2
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Name: Jesse
Join Date: April 2, 2004
Location: California
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Default Re: >_< I hate myself DX

I'm really worried about you. I hope that you don't end up starving yourself. I don't think a muffin, a salad, and a few cookies is going to hurt you. You said yourself that you need the calories. I really hope that you get the courage to tell someone about this one day, your not crazy, and it takes a lot to admit to all of that.

I don't know why you feel nauseous. Maybe you should also talk to someone about that. I really hope that you end up feeling better, and you can always come here and talk, we are always here to help.
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 02:08 AM   #3
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Name: Raine
Join Date: February 17, 2011
Location: Over the rainbow
Gender: Female
Default Re: >_< I hate myself DX

Judging by your picture, there is no need to starve your self . I don't know you, and I hope this isn't stalkerish or anything, but I'm worried about you. Please don't starve your self to death, your a beautiful girl, and you NEED those calories. Please, tell someone before its too late. And 440 calories is nothing compared to the 2,000 calories our bodies need. (well, it depends on the person, I need just a little bit over 1000 calories.) if you need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me.
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