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Old December 10th, 2010, 11:55 PM   #1
Repo The Stereo
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Default My last hope of holding sanity.

Well, it's pretty sad because I know now for a fact that I am a clinically acclaimed "Schizophrenic" and my therapist is dying to pick apart my brain because i've never been treated for anything like this before.
Heh, the thought of being given heavy sedatives are not looking too good for me right now. I am NOT a happy camper.

I am at my wits end. I just want some reassurance i'm not alone.
It seems like I always feel as if I am.

I don't see people. I see movement. Tons of movement. I never know if it is real.
People ARE out to get me. I always feel like I am speaking out loud or someone knows more than I do and that terrifies me.
I fear the unknown. I fear everything.

I have hypersensitive hearing/sight. Loud noises and some pitches of voice simply make me feel like my ears are bleeding. Bright lights and some shades of blue make my eyes water.

Cameras are placed throughout my house.

No voices...thank God.

I can live out three hours of my day and play the whole thing in my head, and then randomly snap back into reality and realize I have not even gotten out of bed yet to begin my day.

Time seems to go so slow for me... Hmm.

In the summer, I don't go outside from 3pm to 7pm. The sun has cast shadows that hover about a foot off the ground.

Did I mention blackouts? I was told I had a seizure once, but most of the time I am fully functional, and completely unable to remember giant gaps of my day.

I cannot remember anymore anything before my 10th year of age. I'm 19 now btw.

Conversations with people, things I was doing, people I was with...poof. I forget and don't remember even being there.
I have to get others to reinact the whole scenerio to help. They say I am able to respond perfectly, I am just...not myself.

Heh, the funniest part about all of this is. I know I am insane. I hate it. I would KILL to not go through this stuff. And yet, I see all these whiney little kids complaining that their significant other has just broke up with them and they are depressed and think they have bipolar disorder and cut themselves about it.

Not ranting on any specific person, but everyone has experienced someone like this.

You know if you have real problems, and you know you'd do anything to make them go away.

What do people like me and you do?

We deal.

"There are no bad hands, there are only bad card players."

So I must ask, am I alone in this?
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Old December 16th, 2010, 09:51 PM   #2
Jacob H.
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Default Re: My last hope of holding sanity.

though i highly doubt i have schizophrenia, i have played out the first hour or so of my day then realize im still in bed, i feel so disappointed when that heppens because it feels like i have to do it again.

so no im not a schizo but your not as alone as you think
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Old July 31st, 2011, 08:41 PM   #3
Dan_UK
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Default Re: My last hope of holding sanity.

Yeah, I'm not saying all, but a fair few of those things are a lot more normal than you'd think mate, such as the one the person above me commented on.
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Old July 31st, 2011, 08:57 PM   #4
Skyhawk
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Default Re: My last hope of holding sanity.

some of that is kinda normal actually, my grandmother has schizophrenia and my family enjoys listening to her talk bout the man she's supposed to marry. We play along.

Not quite sure what to say about the amnesia-like memory loss though...



Hi! I typically don't check back on threads I've posted in.
If you're waiting for a reply from me, then shoot me a PM.
I'll respond shortly.



Last edited by Skyhawk; July 31st, 2011 at 08:58 PM. Reason: Typo
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Old September 12th, 2011, 06:27 AM   #5
Nessa
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Default Re: My last hope of holding sanity.

I don't know what to say.....
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Old September 12th, 2011, 11:09 AM   #6
The_Narwhal
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Default Re: My last hope of holding sanity.

I wish you the best of look with your condition. Oh and dont worry you are not alone, i sure theres been people on the forum with simerlar conditions to this before.

I have left VT.

You may still be able to contact me through email or Skype though.
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Old January 14th, 2012, 10:36 AM   #7
smalltowngirl9189
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Default Re: My last hope of holding sanity.

You are not alone. I was diagnosed with Schizo about a year ago. My only advice is trust in someone. Have one person that knows everything and the faster you get diagnosed the faster you mind slows down thinking you are alone, crazy, and a freak. You really aren't those symptoms are just symptoms and here we are here for you! PM me if you need anything at all.

Wishing You Were Gone, Without Being Gone Can Hurt And Push You Around If You Let It!
If You Ever Need Help I'm Here.
Email or PM Me If You Need Anything
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Old January 14th, 2012, 01:00 PM   #8
NZLD
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Default Re: My last hope of holding sanity.

im here for you can can relate
i hear songs in my head, and cant distinguish wither there being played or there in my head.
if i walk out to get something out of the car, i small thought enters my mind that there's something out there, and suddenly im sweaty and my heart is pounding violently, so i scamper inside. i will randomly be talking and i suddenly go blank and dream about something for 20 seconds, and then get snapped back into reality, someone will slightly raise there voice and it will feel like there's some clicking there fingers inside my ears, and that there even.. "bleeding" i cant talk to new people properly, if i look at s certain color, my eyes start watering, in an uncomfortable fashion, and, just an example if my mum goes and walks my dog at night, and shes 2 minutes later than she said she would be, i suddenly have overwhelming feelings that shes been murdered, abducted run over etc etc, i also freak out over the smallest of things. i have yet to be diagnosed or even told 1 person, but i just thought id let you no your not alone and i can relate to must of what you've said.
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Old January 17th, 2012, 02:32 PM   #9
Ambrosia
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Default Re: My last hope of holding sanity.

Please don't bump old threads multiple times!

-Retired Global Moderator-
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