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Old November 18th, 2010, 08:23 PM   #1
ShaneK
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Default Broken

My whole life I have been broken. When I was younger I was abused and tortured (my back is covered in scars and marks they aint never gonna go completely). I've been raped and beaten for years its almost all I remember of my younger years. I am a thief and a drug user. I sell myself and get into a lot of fights. I know im too highly sexed and violent. I am told I am very cynical of the world and always find trouble. I cant blot out my past and it is slowly killing me as my behaviour becomes more self destructive. I am a hypocrite I go out of my way to stop people doing the very things that I do myself.
I cry myself to sleep because the world is so f'd, i care very much about the environment and animals. I cant eat meat or even wear leather. if im with someone and they want to eat meat I have to leave as I cant bare to see that.
I always try and help people especially my friends I am fiercly loyal, I dont want anyone to turn out like me. I have pushed away all of those who were trying to help me, as people around me always get hurt. i dont think i make any sense as I am worthless. I am just a piece of meat, everybody wants a piece and once they've had their fill im worthless again
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Old November 18th, 2010, 09:11 PM   #2
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thanks for the help. story of my life i always deal with s**t myself
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Old November 19th, 2010, 01:08 AM   #3
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Default Re: Broken

I'm so sorry, I will try to help you the best way I can. I can't imagine all of what you went through. But just remember there is always someone here. Don't think of yourself being helpless.

Seems like you been through a lot. Do you have a school counselor that you can talk to? I can be able to talk to you, and give you advice, but I would recommend you talk to a counselor at your school, if you really need help.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 08:00 AM   #4
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its not right of me to ask others for help, when i cant cope myself. And if i cant cope then i dont see what anyone else could do. Its my **** for me to deal with
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Old November 19th, 2010, 08:20 AM   #5
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its not right of me to ask others for help, when i cant cope myself. And if i cant cope then i dont see what anyone else could do. Its my **** for me to deal with
You are coping. So long as you're alive, you're coping. All you're looking for is help to cope better, and that's exactly what those people are here for.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 08:25 AM   #6
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I hurt the ones i love and those around me. i cant justify doing that, but if i dont do these things.... i would be psychotic. Sometimes i do lose control of myself. You are right i do WHATEVER is necessary to survive. But sometimes i wonder why

Last edited by ShaneK; November 19th, 2010 at 08:34 AM.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 08:34 AM   #7
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I hurt the ones i love and those around me. i cant justify doing that, but if i dont do these things.... i would be psychotic. Sometimes i do lose control of myself
I understand that. That's why talking to a counselor of some sort is a great option. They can help you with that.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
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Old November 19th, 2010, 08:34 AM   #8
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remember, were here for you shane
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Old November 19th, 2010, 08:36 AM   #9
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They would lock me away, most likely saying im too violent.

Last edited by ShaneK; November 19th, 2010 at 08:48 AM.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 09:23 AM   #10
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They would lock me away, most likely saying im too violent.
Don't make assumptions like that, they're not nearly as likely to lock people away as most people think.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 09:59 AM   #11
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Default Re: Broken

Before a fight was a fight, now some sai too far. The last guy i fought with was half dead. It use to be easier to walk away... now i dont
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Old November 19th, 2010, 12:01 PM   #12
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Before a fight was a fight, now some sai too far. The last guy i fought with was half dead. It use to be easier to walk away... now i dont
Again, I understand. Talking things out should help with that.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 12:11 PM   #13
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Default Re: Broken

I have such rage in me. I really got my own back on some of those sickos, but then i think what of others. Some of the kids i grew up with just couldnt survive it, guess we werent supposed to. Why did i survive? Guess im just stronger, but im not worthy of surviving. I waste my gifts andf my life
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Old November 19th, 2010, 02:18 PM   #14
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I have such rage in me. I really got my own back on some of those sickos, but then i think what of others. Some of the kids i grew up with just couldnt survive it, guess we werent supposed to. Why did i survive? Guess im just stronger, but im not worthy of surviving. I waste my gifts andf my life
What makes you feel that way? I can tell you for a fact everyone is worthy of surviving, and no person is more or less worthy than anyone else.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 02:25 PM   #15
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Default Re: Broken

Peeps say i waste my potential, i know i do. Im very fit and smart enough but i do nothing with it (well i do but it aint that good). Maybe if i try that school thing out for a bit, but i aint living in the care of the state.

Others i did know what be doin well in school what do i do, steal and sleep around for my money (and way worse). I'm too used to taken care of myself now. I think im better with the physical things than the mental, i aint no einstein. All that energy and time wasted fighting and the drugss its pathetic

Last edited by ShaneK; November 19th, 2010 at 02:32 PM.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 02:34 PM   #16
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Peeps say i waste my potential, i know i do. Im very fit and smart enough but i do nothing with it (well i do but it aint that good). Maybe if i try that school thing out for a bit, but i aint living in the care of the state.

Others i did know what be doin well in school what do i do, steal and sleep around for my money (and way worse). I'm too used to taken care of myself now.
OK. I don't know anything about your situation, but would it be possible to find someone to stay with who might be a friend or family member? That might give you the freedom to go to school.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 02:35 PM   #17
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Default Re: Broken

I went to school for a lil bit, just doesnt work with me. I am staying with a very good friend of mine. I am just trying to earn the money for an apartment. I just need a lot of outlets for my rage thats all. i know i can easily make enough money i use my best asset my looks.

Last edited by ShaneK; November 19th, 2010 at 02:39 PM.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 02:40 PM   #18
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I went to school for a lil bit, just doesnt work with me. I am staying with a very good friend of mine. I am just trying to earn the money for an apartment. I just need a lot of outlets for my rage thats all
One outlet I have to suggest is therapy. I'll be glad to offer you any counseling I can here, but I have to say a local counselor could do even more for you. As for other outlets, perhaps art of some sort? Writing/creating can allow you to get shit out. Another option is doing physical activity. Use a punching bag perhaps?

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
Puppy <3 Kitty
http://i853.photobucket.com/albums/ab93/Kaius10/Alex-1.png
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Old November 19th, 2010, 02:45 PM   #19
ShaneK
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Default Re: Broken

I enjoy writing even though im s*** at it. A punching bag will never equal another person. I prefer an unpredictable opponent, the challenge of it. Meditation used to help me, but it aint in quite a long time.

Forgive me i never told you what i went throught did i?

well guys would have their way with me. or/and some what to hurt you i mean really hurt you. Good looks is a blessing and a curse i suppose. So i work with what i have

i do have to add woman can be in my experience more sadistic than men. They are the deadlier sex

Forgot the drugs i was so high i could touch the moon!

All i have to offer is myself.

Last edited by ShaneK; November 19th, 2010 at 03:00 PM.
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Old November 19th, 2010, 03:00 PM   #20
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I enjoy writing even though im s*** at it.
I highly doubt that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaneK View Post
A punching bag will never equal another person. I prefer an unpredictable opponent, the challenge of it.
True, but it may still help somewhat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaneK View Post
Meditation used to help me, but it aint in quite a long time.
Do you know why it stopped helping.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaneK View Post
Forgive me i never told you what i went throught did i?

well guys would have their way with me. or/and some what to hurt you i mean really hurt you. Good looks is a blessing and a curse i suppose. So i work with what i have

i do have to add woman can be in my experience more sadistic than men. They are the deadlier sex

Forgot the drugs i was so high i could touch the moon!
Life is hard. I understand that. /understatement
If you ever want to talk, my contact info is on my profile.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
Puppy <3 Kitty
http://i853.photobucket.com/albums/ab93/Kaius10/Alex-1.png
~Kyle Was Here, and Was Awesome~
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