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Old October 30th, 2006, 06:44 PM   #1
`Decadent
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Default Nothing makes me happy anymore.

Basically the title sums it up.

All the hobbies, activities etc. that I once enjoyed are boring and hated by me now. It just seems that even staying alive is hard by just waiting out the time. Hanging out with my friends is no longer fun anymore. Sometimes I think I'm having fun, then I just think, 'What happens after this?' The answer is me sitting here on my computer listening to music with my head in my arms on my desk for hours until I fall asleep.

Sleep is the only thing I enjoy now because no one expects anything out of it and my dreams can lead anywhere and remind me of when I was once happy, but now even my dreaming has ceased. I don't know but I just don't anymore.

Every morning I wake up regretting that I have to live through another day and sometimes I cry showering wishing everything would just go awat and I'd be left alone, isolated.

I contemplate suicide every now and then, but being the Atheist I am I fear what really is on the otherside awaiting me, so I never end up doing it even though the all the lethal drugs my parents own (both nurses) are looking quite nice.

I always feel alone, cold, and get shivers down my spine thinking about it. My friends don't seem to care for me, my family would just shrug it off and forget it in a day if I died and no one else I know probably wouldn't even acknowledge that I have become deceased.

And there is only one bright spot in my life. Her name is Erica and I've been friends with her most of my life. I love her unconditionally and she is the only person I have any emotion for, but the situation is there's a communication barrier between us. I can't explain it but either of us just can't stare eachother in the eye or talk to eachother when I expressed my true feelings for ber a year ago. We only talk online and on the phone occasionally because her friend forces her to when they call me, but through this we have gotten to know nearly everything about eachother. Apperantly she has feelings for me (not sure if they're as strong as mine) but I just want to be able to talk to her and make the relationship work because I want to be with her forever. And I even feel our somewhat of a relationship is slipping away. If she's out of my life I just don't know anymore...

So I just wanted to get all of that out and hope I get some help from you guys. It seems this is the only place I can tell anyone the level of depression I'm in without being ridiculed and called emo/both/you name it.

If you've read all this, thank-you.

Last edited by `Decadent; October 30th, 2006 at 06:59 PM.
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Old October 30th, 2006, 07:00 PM   #2
schrei jess
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

I would love to help you and give you advice, but Im in the same boat you are - except for the good friend part...I just lost mine. Ive been in this shit for three years and nothing is changing, Im trying to accept it.

Dont get discouraged from this, not everyone is pathetic like I am, infact most people are not. There is hope for you, you've just got to find the right person to talk to.

And it's not that bad being called emo, or gothic, Ive had it happen so many times that it doesnt even bother me anymore. Pretty soon you're used to it. People just label you something so they dont have to deal with you. They dont want to spend time getting to know someone as complicated and detailed as people like us are - so they call us emo...gothic, whatever. Doesnt bother me anymore, because Ive got words for them too - boring, ordinary, simple.

PM me if you need to talk, but I dont know how much advice I can give anymore, since I cant even take my own. Just wanted to let you know that you are most definetly not alone.

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.
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Old October 30th, 2006, 07:10 PM   #3
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

My friends aren't even that great. If I presented my problems to them I'd get the same response as everyone else; goth, emo, fucked up...

I can't really tough out these emotional problems like you can though as its only been about one to two years I have been feeling this way and I'm already going insane. I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately again and I think I just might do it. :/ Nothing in life to foreward to if this is what it pertains to. Wake up, go to school/work, listen to music with your head in your arms self-loathing, then going to bed without even having a dream as an escape from this hell hole that is life.
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Old October 30th, 2006, 07:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

I dont think Ive ever had a friend who understood me completely and would try to help me. The best friend I had would at least listen, but she's gone now - she's turned into a conceited, cruel bitch like everyone else. Ive got a few friends left but they arent really good friends, I cant tell them anything important.

And I think about suicide all the time, too. I do the same thing every day like you do. Wake up, go to school (and I dont do work I just sit), come home, sit on the computer, hate myself, shower, go to bed, repeat. On friday I took 12 benadryl just to see what the trip would be like (yes, this is relevent), and when I was swallowing those 12 pills one after another, all I could think about was - what if these were sleeping pills? I hated thinking about that. After you swallow those pills, you cant go back. It's been done. Suicide is permanent, and I dont like that. It seems like such a great idea, but no one REALLY knows what comes after life, and Im a christian I believe in God and heaven, but we all have some doubt. Who knows, the after life could be worse then what's going on now. So dont kill yourself, it seems great now, but think about it REALLY hard, it isnt a great choice at all.

Edit: And I know that I sound like Im really tough and can handle all these emotions - I cant. Im the weakest person you'll find. I just bury everything so deep down inside that it cant ever be found again, and it grows and grows so much to where you cant go back and take it out. I wish I could cry and let all this out, but I cant. I dont want to deal with any of this. And my weakness shows, I cut myself, I drug my self up - that's not being tough, that's being weak and Im running away from my problems. But it's all I know to do.

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.

Last edited by schrei jess; October 30th, 2006 at 07:19 PM.
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Old October 30th, 2006, 07:58 PM   #5
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weeping Willow View Post
Edit: And I know that I sound like Im really tough and can handle all these emotions - I cant. Im the weakest person you'll find. I just bury everything so deep down inside that it cant ever be found again, and it grows and grows so much to where you cant go back and take it out. I wish I could cry and let all this out, but I cant. I dont want to deal with any of this. And my weakness shows, I cut myself, I drug my self up - that's not being tough, that's being weak and Im running away from my problems. But it's all I know to do.
I'm pretty much the exact same as you. I keep everything locked up inside. In the past three years I've had three of my family members die and a friend since I was born hang himself. I didn't express one emotion because of it. Only thing I don't though is cut and do drugs, but that's just me.

About the suicide eyah that's what I was thinking. Once you swallow the pills you can't reverse it and you're either sent into an eternity in hell or into an eternity of nothing. Personally, I would like the nothing but the Christian factor is also there... :/
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Old October 30th, 2006, 08:06 PM   #6
schrei jess
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by `Decadent View Post
I'm pretty much the exact same as you. I keep everything locked up inside. In the past three years I've had three of my family members die and a friend since I was born hang himself. I didn't express one emotion because of it. Only thing I don't though is cut and do drugs, but that's just me.

About the suicide eyah that's what I was thinking. Once you swallow the pills you can't reverse it and you're either sent into an eternity in hell or into an eternity of nothing. Personally, I would like the nothing but the Christian factor is also there... :/
Yeah thats good, because you dont want to do either. I dont want to do either, but Im insanely impulsive and once I think it, I usually cant not do it. Kind of like food with me, if you put it in front of me - I cant not eat it. That's why I have food issues too. But this is beside the point.

That's awful to loose people, and especially the way your friend went. Ive only ever lost one person, and that was when I was five and I didnt understand death. Plus, I barely knew her, it was my grandmother.

And either you die and you go to heaven or hell, or something totally different lol, or you end up at the hospital - have your stomach pumped and they assume your mental for trying to off yourself so you end up in an asylum or something, also not fun. So yeah, stay away from the suicide...I know it's hard not to think about it, but really try hard not to. Once you get so swept up into that stuff, there may be no going back.

So like I said, Im here if you just ever need to talk, let off steam, or even get advice if you want it from someone like me, haha.

Hang in there!

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 10:27 AM   #7
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

You sound alot like me...People arnt truely your friends if they would do such things.Are you sure your not jumping to conclusions on what they would say?Whether you want to belive it or not someone would notice your gone.Even if its just one person do you really want to pain them so much?Thats a thought that stops me everytime I start thinking like that.Your just going threw a rough patch.One of these days your going to have a great time and you'll start to be happy again.I get like that from time to time but I force myself to keep going and I get through it,I know you can to.As for the girl you like...If your afraid of losing her then your probley pushing her away...Thats what was happing to me and a...."good" friend of mine.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 03:46 PM   #8
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

I've elminated the idea of suicide for now. Today seemed to go ok and I'm feeling moderatley better. I'm even going out tonight with the girl so it's going to be good.

Cookie - My friends are just like that. We're all in that different/rocker highschool stereotype so they don't really show emotion or anything. I suppose I may just be going throuh a rough patch.

Willow - Thanks for all the help. You've made me feel better today.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 07:43 PM   #9
schrei jess
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

That's great! Im glad that suicide is starting to slip from your mind and Im sure going on a date will definetly help get your mind off of things. And your welcome, Im glad I could help someone =]

Im always here for you

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.
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Old November 1st, 2006, 10:03 AM   #10
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by `Decadent View Post
I've elminated the idea of suicide for now. Today seemed to go ok and I'm feeling moderatley better. I'm even going out tonight with the girl so it's going to be good.

Cookie - My friends are just like that. We're all in that different/rocker highschool stereotype so they don't really show emotion or anything. I suppose I may just be going throuh a rough patch.

Willow - Thanks for all the help. You've made me feel better today.
Im glad that your thoughts are changing ^-^.I hope you had fun on your date.All my friends are diffrent to but I know one of yours will be there if you need them.Just because someone doesn't show emotion doesn't mean they dont care.And who knows maybe one of them is going threw the same thing but they are just afraid to tell anyone.
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Old October 15th, 2010, 12:41 AM   #11
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

I don't know what it is, but nothing brings joy or happines to my life. not my boyfriend whom is the love of my life, not my music anymore, not my guitar or anything. i used to do alot of activites with my friends, but i moved and i dont really have any friends anymore. my only true friend dumped me because i was having some issues that she didnt understand and thought i was ditching her blahhhahs. i dont miss her but i miss the fact that i could tell her anything. now ive got no body to listen


basically my life sucks. im lost, i feel alone and im pretty damn sure im worthless because i never do anything right, i just get shit. i know i sound pathetic, and i am, i just wish i wasnt. i wish i was like the happy go lucky child i used to be. i hate feeling like this but every time i think something is going right, i fall on my ass again. im afriad to trust anyone and im afraid to even think ill ever be happy. my life is a dull routine and i just cant find happiness. everyone around me is happy and moving along with their life, and it makes me feel worse when i see others happy. maybe if they were all sad and stuff id feel better, which is horrible to say.
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Old October 15th, 2010, 10:15 AM   #12
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

The place that you're in really seems hard, but remember that you can talk to anyone on this section of the forum and they will be supportive and hear you out!
We often feel lost and failing because we moved to a new place, where everyone around us has friends, and we just lost connection with our friends. this is hard, but you can get through it! i'm sure you will gain place, there is no reason that you will be alone, it's just a matter of time. Remember that you allways ccan talk to me (or anyone else here) until & after you find the right people to call them friends
-i hope that what i said is any help

btw - it seems that this thread is 4 years old, i guess you could have opened a new one, than, more people would notice it...
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Old October 15th, 2010, 10:29 PM   #13
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Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

Very old thread.

You are the ground upon which I blizzard.
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