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Old September 27th, 2006, 09:12 PM   #1
Jean Poutine
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Default A blatant lack of friends and some more stuff...

Hi, my name is Alondite, and I lack basic social skills </AA>

Well since this is my first post here, hi. I turned 16 a week ago, and as you'll learn to know me you'll see I have my share of problems like everyone else. I'm from Québec, so I'm a frenchie.

No, seriously. A year ago I was diagnosed with SPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder), which in short, means I like being secluded from everyone, or used to. No cure possible, and the only reason I even went to get myself diagnosed is a mix of curiosity and parental pressure. I had, and still have no friends and never had a serious girlfriend. However, I used to be perfectly happy like this. I liked my solitude and didn't want anything to do with anyone (people make me anxious and I have a huge personal space that must be respected).

However, lately, I have been surprising myself seeking friends and more importantly a girlfriend. Now, I admit, I never liked the girls here : too talkative, loud, airheaded, dumb, stupid, and so on. I hated the boys even more : even louder, even dumber, vulgar, obnoxious, you get the thing. I've begun to "hang" around people a little more, grunted more than 5 words a day, and hell, even began dating girls (although only one caught my fancy, one who left me 2 days before my birthday).

I am, frankly, extremely disturbed by this sudden change of pace in my personality. I do not like people much but I still want them by my side ; I have a lot of difficulties trusting people and suddenly I want to commit to someone. I'm not supposed to : I have SPD. Yet I seem to mind their presence less and less, and it makes me a lot more depressed than I was when I was alone. I have the feeling they are unreachable : my ~12 years of seclusion made me forget about the art of making friends. I have zero social skills, talking to people drains my will to stick around and seeing my "friends" once a week is unthinkable, which further removes the probability of them becoming true friends, because they think I hate them which sadly is true.

My dilemma is : I want something I hate. I know that once I get friends and/or a girlfriend, I'm just going to push them away from me, to tell them to leave me alone because they choke me, to break a heart and make a bunch of people sad. I'm maybe cold, but I'm not totally insensitive : I don't really want to hurt people (even though some deserve it). I don't even like hanging around people that much. I just see people around me with their friends, laughing and having fun. I laugh so rarely I don't even have expression wrinkles yet. I smile only on pictures or to make people believe all is well. My eyes are a washed away steel grey that used to be a bright sky blue. Likewise, my hair darkened from almost golden blond to a medium brown. My skin is so white I could hide in snow. My whole physique and behaviour passes me as a true loner.

If I get friends, I'm only going to ditch them when I realise once again I don't like having friends, but if I stick in the status quo, I'm going to lead a seemingly unfulfilling life (although I liked my life as it was), and I'm going to keep having this existential debate which will eventually kick down my will to live and make me suicidal.

Any suggestions, perhaps? (except seeing a psy, I'm doing that).

Last edited by Jean Poutine; September 27th, 2006 at 09:15 PM.
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Old October 4th, 2006, 02:32 PM   #2
~Ðarç~
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Default Re: A blatant lack of friends and some more stuff...

ok so, you dont like being around people, but suddenly you do ... but you dont

which one do you prefer more, alone or not alone?

and um...dont kill yourself, thats never a good solution =\ you'll suffer more if you do =/ anyway! answer my question and ill get back to you =O

and i sort of agree, seeing a psy isn't exactly the best solution, not always anyway, not a good suggestion anyway, one would just figure that out i try to help in other ways =\ yeah so answer the question

"which one do you prefer more, alone or not alone? "

I'm too cool for a signature xD
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Old October 4th, 2006, 03:38 PM   #3
TheWizard
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Default Re: A blatant lack of friends and some more stuff...

First I'm so glad to meet you. I know exactly how you feel cause I'm schizo too. VT is the perfect place to make new friends. It hides your problems from people so they have to accept you the way you want them to see you. Perfect place for you to pratice making friends.

I started VT to help other mentals like you and me. But I found out I can make friends with normal people too.

It like this. If you keep doing the samethings you are doing today, you can only expect to get the same resuilts in the future. So you have to change. I changed a lot while on VT as I learned how to make new friends.

It helped me in the real world (actually I live in my own world of reality which is near normal).

What meds do you take? I take geodon and serquel. Works great for me. Ability is another good schizo med.

I hope we can become good friends.

Josh

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Old October 6th, 2006, 06:52 PM   #4
Jean Poutine
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Default Re: A blatant lack of friends and some more stuff...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheWizard View Post
First I'm so glad to meet you. I know exactly how you feel cause I'm schizo too. VT is the perfect place to make new friends. It hides your problems from people so they have to accept you the way you want them to see you. Perfect place for you to pratice making friends.

I started VT to help other mentals like you and me. But I found out I can make friends with normal people too.

It like this. If you keep doing the samethings you are doing today, you can only expect to get the same resuilts in the future. So you have to change. I changed a lot while on VT as I learned how to make new friends.

It helped me in the real world (actually I live in my own world of reality which is near normal).

What meds do you take? I take geodon and serquel. Works great for me. Ability is another good schizo med.

I hope we can become good friends.
I do not take any meds. I wasn't interested in treatement when I was diagnosed (and my parents couldn't force me because I was legally old enough to refuse treatement), because I did not think there was anything wrong with my behaviour. However, now that I realise I'm obviously apart from the norm, I don't know...it will depend on how I fix this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by **Adrian** View Post
ok so, you dont like being around people, but suddenly you do ... but you dont

which one do you prefer more, alone or not alone?

and um...dont kill yourself, thats never a good solution =\ you'll suffer more if you do =/ anyway! answer my question and ill get back to you =O

and i sort of agree, seeing a psy isn't exactly the best solution, not always anyway, not a good suggestion anyway, one would just figure that out i try to help in other ways =\ yeah so answer the question

"which one do you prefer more, alone or not alone? "
First, I am not very suicidal. I realise that it is an one-time only gesture and that I can't come back when the deed is done, which is what is stopping me from doing it. I have urges, but they are easily controlled.

I do not really like being with people because I have the impression I'm choking when they are around. The only thing I do is to push them back. When I'm alone, I feel great for a while, but when I am not occupied, I start wondering what it might be like to be slightly more normal, then I begin feeling depressed and down.

I do not draw much fun from "social activities" such as teamwork, sports, and so on. I am at my happiest when I'm alone, reading a book by the fire, browsing the Web ('specially Wiki) or playing video games. I also talk with my mom once in a while, although not more than 3-4 times a day or something like that.

I cannot really answer your question, because I never had true friends. Acquaintances at most, and even then, it's a long drag. I have no true friends from my POV. People I reply (note the word) "hi" to in hallways do not count as friends.

My lack of social experiences seem to keep me from relating to other people. I cannot see why they have so much fun in groups, because whenever I'm in one (like for teamwork, teacher-enforced stuff and so on), I draw no fun whatsover of the experience. Especially teamwork : I hate how everyone is talking while I'm stuck doing all the work. If they do work, they usually do not hold up to my seemingly ridiculous standards, and I've gone as far as re-doing their parts to my liking because I thought they weren't good.

In absolute terms, I'd probably say I prefer being alone, but this state leads me to increased depression, and I don't know if being with people would fix it at all. However, in relative terms, I cannot give you an answer, because I don't know how having friends is like.

I doubt I'll ever be able to make friends, anyway. I'm too different from them and they're not like me. The world and I cannot relate, and this is why I'll always prefer my artificial, constructed realms (down to the language and economic status) to the real world.
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Old October 7th, 2006, 06:32 AM   #5
TheWizard
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Default Re: A blatant lack of friends and some more stuff...

Alondite its no problem. We can take it easy until we become good friends.

Josh

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