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Old June 23rd, 2010, 01:15 PM   #1
1_21Guns
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Name: Natalie
Join Date: May 16, 2009
Location: Hell.
Age: 22
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Default fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

see. what did i tell you.
i get my hopes up, for two minutes.
and then BANG.
everything goes to shit.
im losing everyone.
my best friend full on hates me at the moment.
everyone else is just floating away.
some, i'm letting go because i dont have the strength to hold on.
and for the record, kills me seeing you like that too.
im crying again.
practically being forced to choose between what i love, and whats right.
seriously. wtf.
i dont want to cut. i'm that numb.
because i know i wont feel it.
i hate crying. it makes me feel weak.
thats why i dont do it.
yet here i am.
trying to stop tears.
because i have to go for a walk with my best friend who hates me.
ugh.
im about || far off trying to kill myself again.
just never will.
because i'm far too much of a coward to do that.
i'm too selfless to do it.
FML eyy.
i wish they'd all just fall away from me for good.
then i can die.
but no. they wont will they.
they'll stay just so i can suffer that bit more.
what did i ever do to deserve this?
why me?
maybe i'd be better off dead.
far less of a problem to everyone.
oh, and im a horrible bitch says my mother. so yeah.
not like she cares is it.
___________________________________________

well i also fail at running away...
i thought about it, then thought no i'll go for a walk instead. then when i got out there, i decided i'd run away again, then i found somewhere to sit down, and thought not. because i have school tomorrow, i need a shower, and frankly i cant go in my normal clothes and without my bag.
so i just lay motionless in this spot for over half an hour. thinking nothing. then wandered off home. thought about running again, then decided bit late now. so yeah, i'm still here. thought about cutting all the way home too... not going to. i dont think anyway. not throwing 20 days away... she says.
but yeah.
i still want to die atm... not even sure why. but yeah.
my mum cant even tell i've been crying either... so yknow.
im tired. sick and tired of breathing.


Last edited by 1_21Guns; June 23rd, 2010 at 03:22 PM. Reason: adding stuff.
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Old June 23rd, 2010, 05:06 PM   #2
Sith Lord 13
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.



I wish I knew what to tell you Nat. I wish I could say a few words and bam, you'd see the good in life. See the fact that dying isn't a solution. Of course, if I could do that, I'd have done it for myself ages ago. So all I can do is sit here, and tell you the truth. Yes, life sucks. Yes, there are days where you just don't see the point in going forward. But it does get better. It does. I know it's hard to see that, but it's true.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
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Old June 23rd, 2010, 05:29 PM   #3
1_21Guns
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sith Lord 13 View Post


I wish I knew what to tell you Nat. I wish I could say a few words and bam, you'd see the good in life. See the fact that dying isn't a solution. Of course, if I could do that, I'd have done it for myself ages ago. So all I can do is sit here, and tell you the truth. Yes, life sucks. Yes, there are days where you just don't see the point in going forward. But it does get better. It does. I know it's hard to see that, but it's true.
Thanks Alex, nobody knows what to say or do anymore. Not even my best friend has a clue, she told me that, and it killed me inside knowing it >.<
I guess I'm just getting past knowing what to say to me >_>
Sometimes I know there's better than this, but 99% of the time, I have no idea.

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Old June 23rd, 2010, 06:27 PM   #4
Wadehampton
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Well I don't really know what to say, but time heals all wounds. Eventually this will all come to pass.
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Old June 23rd, 2010, 06:46 PM   #5
Sith Lord 13
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1_21Guns View Post
Thanks Alex, nobody knows what to say or do anymore. Not even my best friend has a clue, she told me that, and it killed me inside knowing it >.<
I guess I'm just getting past knowing what to say to me >_>
Sometimes I know there's better than this, but 99% of the time, I have no idea.


Nat, I know what you mean. I've seen despair. I know what it's like. Hell, I've been there so many times I'm on a first name basis with the demons who run the place. It's hard to fight your way out of it. Hell, I've paused a half dozen times writing this message to wonder why the hell I was still allowing myself to exist. Despair is hell. It really is. But you know what? It gets better. You need to try and find those few good times. I know it's hard to see them and even harder to believe they'll come again, but you can find them and there will be more in the future.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here.


If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
Puppy <3 Kitty
http://i853.photobucket.com/albums/ab93/Kaius10/Alex-1.png
~Kyle Was Here, and Was Awesome~
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Old June 23rd, 2010, 06:49 PM   #6
1_21Guns
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Name: Natalie
Join Date: May 16, 2009
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sith Lord 13 View Post


Nat, I know what you mean. I've seen despair. I know what it's like. Hell, I've been there so many times I'm on a first name basis with the demons who run the place. It's hard to fight your way out of it. Hell, I've paused a half dozen times writing this message to wonder why the hell I was still allowing myself to exist. Despair is hell. It really is. But you know what? It gets better. You need to try and find those few good times. I know it's hard to see them and even harder to believe they'll come again, but you can find them and there will be more in the future.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

Thanks alex

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Old June 23rd, 2010, 06:58 PM   #7
jcbmlce
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

---------------------------

Last edited by jcbmlce; January 30th, 2012 at 07:52 AM.
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Old June 23rd, 2010, 07:27 PM   #8
Scarface
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Natalie, I know things are really starting to get overwhelming and you feel that the world is slowly caving in on you. It feels as though everyone is out to get you and there is no hope or seeing that light at the end of the tunnel, but there is. I have found my self many of nights in the past wondering what I'm going to do, I have wanted to end it all and put myself out of the misery and the pain. I realized though that, that is not the option. That is the easy way out and I wouldn't be helping myself I would be simply creating more problems for my family and friends.

I'm glad that cutting and ending it all hasn't come into your mind because it should and will never be the answer. Crying doesn't make you weak it makes you a human being with feelings. There is only so much a person can take before breaking down. You have me whenever you need someone to talk to. You just have to breathe and step back and evaluate everything that is happening logically and find out the best options. When you go to talk with your best friend maybe there is some way that you could talk to her about a few of the problems civilly and hopefully work them out. Just give everyone a little space and then maybe in a couple days you could go back to them and see if you can work everything out.

Natalie I know you're going through an awful lot at the moment, but you have me whenever you need someone to talk to. I'm always here you know how to get a hold of me. <3

Contact me if you need to talk. I'm always here to help all
you have to do is be honest.

Never Let Go
Act as if it were IMPOSSIBLE to fail.
<3 Mikey
The Need For Speed!

R&G Forever until it turns gray...then it will still thrive
I<3 TheVTStaff
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Old June 23rd, 2010, 07:36 PM   #9
1_21Guns
Val's bitch. ;)
 
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Name: Natalie
Join Date: May 16, 2009
Location: Hell.
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Thanks

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goose View Post
Natalie, I know things are really starting to get overwhelming and you feel that the world is slowly caving in on you. It feels as though everyone is out to get you and there is no hope or seeing that light at the end of the tunnel, but there is. I have found my self many of nights in the past wondering what I'm going to do, I have wanted to end it all and put myself out of the misery and the pain. I realized though that, that is not the option. That is the easy way out and I wouldn't be helping myself I would be simply creating more problems for my family and friends.

I'm glad that cutting and ending it all hasn't come into your mind because it should and will never be the answer. Crying doesn't make you weak it makes you a human being with feelings. There is only so much a person can take before breaking down. You have me whenever you need someone to talk to. You just have to breathe and step back and evaluate everything that is happening logically and find out the best options. When you go to talk with your best friend maybe there is some way that you could talk to her about a few of the problems civilly and hopefully work them out. Just give everyone a little space and then maybe in a couple days you could go back to them and see if you can work everything out.

Natalie I know you're going through an awful lot at the moment, but you have me whenever you need someone to talk to. I'm always here you know how to get a hold of me. <3
Thanks Ronnie

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Old June 23rd, 2010, 07:49 PM   #10
Scarface
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

I'm always here Natalie, never feel like you have to go it alone

Contact me if you need to talk. I'm always here to help all
you have to do is be honest.

Never Let Go
Act as if it were IMPOSSIBLE to fail.
<3 Mikey
The Need For Speed!

R&G Forever until it turns gray...then it will still thrive
I<3 TheVTStaff
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Old June 25th, 2010, 05:37 AM   #11
Stallion
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

hey people go through stages where they feel their life it worthless for different reasons but you have to know that it isnt you seem like a nice beautiful girl who has so much to live for and if your friends are drifting away that is their loss not yours it will pass i promise you it may seem like it wont but trust me it may take a bit of time but it will if you want to talk please i would love to listen

Love meeting new people ... Message me would love to talk.... Open with anything and everything
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Old June 25th, 2010, 05:39 AM   #12
The Redlight Bandit
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wadehampton View Post
Well I don't really know what to say, but time heals all wounds. Eventually this will all come to pass.
Agreed, good luck. :/

'The Redlight Bandit'
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Old June 29th, 2010, 04:54 PM   #13
HellHound
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Dont give up.I belive in you One day everything will be fine,trust me

If you ever think i`m lying i am sorry for just expressing my opinion
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Old July 11th, 2010, 05:24 PM   #14
Filipe
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

I lost all my best friends but one in one day... The day I needed them the most... After I woke up from a goddamn coma...

If you ever want to talk to me, (Of course you don't, I suck.. )

I'm always free... about 16\7

BIG hugs

Take Care
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Old July 27th, 2010, 07:43 AM   #15
the jeffrey
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Default Re: fuck it. why do i bother getting my hopes up anymore.

Its always darkest before dawn nat hang in there
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