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Old December 26th, 2009, 09:58 PM   #1
caitiemac
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Unhappy My story. :(

I am new here and thought I would just tell you what happened to me. Sorry it's really long...

One day this past year, I was at the gas station and this guy asked me for help with something. He seemed so nice, so of course I said okay and went to help him. He then grabbed me and took me to some back room. I tried to scream, but I could not. My brain was not working with my body. In my head I was screaming, but nothing was coming out of my mouth.

He had me in the back room. He grabbed my hands and threw me up against the wall. He held my hands there and stuck his tongue in my mouth and proceeded to kiss me very hard. I just stayed there and did not do anything back. He told me that if I did not like it then he would really hurt me. Since it really hurt already, I did not want to find out what he could do to me if he wanted to. So, I started to kiss him back. It was absolutely horrible!

He then grabbed me and pulled me down to the floor. He got on top of me and kissed me some more. He started to pull my shirt off and kiss down my body. He then took off his pants and pulled out his penis and told me to grab it. I told him I did not want to and he slapped me hard across the face. So I grabbed it. I know I should not have, but it hurt. He said "You like that don't you?" I did not answer so he slapped me again and then asked the question a second time. I had no choice but to say yes.

He then took my pants off. I did not move at all. I could not. I did not want him to hurt me anymore, so I let him completely take advantage of me. He stuck his penis inside of me and proceeded to have sex with me. Before this, I was a virgin, so I did not know what sex was like, but this hurt so so bad. HE was so rough. I screamed from instinct. He grabbed my head and sternly said, "Bitch, I told you not to scream!" He then banged my head on the floor and said, "Now, you're going to be sorry." At the time, I did not think it was possible, but it was. He go even more rough. He thrusted his hips even harder and faster. His breathing sped up and became even heavier. He made a strange noise like a hurt animal. I thought that meant he was done, but he was not. He wanted me to "finish" too. He said, "I know you like it, bitch. Finish up like the whore you are." I faked an orgasm and he said, "You liked it, didn't you?" I was too scared to say anything, so I shook my head yes.

He seemed so pleased with himself. All I wanted to do was slap that smug smirk off his face, but I was too scared to move. Apparently he wanted foreplay after sex though. I felt kind of numb after everything I had been though. My shirt was already off, so he grabbed my breasts and groped, squeezed, and rubbed them. I did not move. I could not. After he finally finished with that, he started kissing me again. I stopped fighting everything. I just stopped. Taking my virginity was not enough for him, he had to torture and mess with me after it. I think he finally had enough and he stopped the kissing. I must not have been good enough for him anymore. He got up, put his pants back on, and then put his shirt back on. He started to walk out of the room and turned towards me and said, "I had fun, and I know you did too." He then winked at me. I wanted to throw mu and cry, but I could not do anything.

He left me bleeding and hurt. It hurt so bad, so so very bad. I was so confused and dazed. I had no idea what to do, so i found the energy to find my clothes and put them back on. I walked out of the door and no one was out in the store part of the gas station so I just left. As I was walking outside, I saw my reflection in the refrigerator. I did not even recognize myself. My shirt was ripped, my pants all blooded up, and my breasts had bruises all over them. I started crying and walked outside. I got in my car and left.

I did not know what to do next. I was so very confused. I could not even process what had happened. I felt like a bad nightmare that I had just woken up from. Every time I looked in the mirror I felt horrible, disgusting, dirty, slutty, guilty, scared, bad, confused, stupid, terrible, nasty, and so many other feeling that I don not even know how to describe.

Again, I am sorry it is soooo long and that you read all of my story, but thank you!
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Old December 26th, 2009, 10:12 PM   #2
emilee123
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Default Re: My story. :(

O my god tell some one get help. Did he get you pregent? I am always up to talk o my god I have herd bad things before but nothing like this
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Old December 26th, 2009, 10:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: My story. :(

Wow! You need to get some counseling! I would goto the police and explain to them what happened.

~John~
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Old December 26th, 2009, 11:01 PM   #4
caitiemac
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Default Re: My story. :(

Two good things are that he did not get me pregnant and that he did not give me any STDs despite not using a condom.

Even though it has been over nine months, I still dream about it almost every night. It's hard to deal with. It is scary. He is scary.
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Old December 26th, 2009, 11:07 PM   #5
emilee123
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Default Re: My story. :(

plez go get help tell some one u need to by you not telling anyone could mean that he is going to keep on doing it over and over again to some other person. I don’t think you want him doing it to an other person on what he did to you
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Old December 26th, 2009, 11:12 PM   #6
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Default Re: My story. :(

I don't want that. It's just unthinkable, but I can't tell anyone. I just can't.
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Old December 27th, 2009, 02:21 AM   #7
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Default Re: My story. :(

Thats soo sad... i jus have no words im so... i dont even know the word for it... but this story is so so sad. i feel so sorry for you. i want to give you a big bear hug and jus not let go. so so sad. :.(


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Old December 28th, 2009, 04:24 AM   #8
caitiemac
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Default Re: My story. :(

Thanks guys. I guess it is sad. I have never thought of it like that before.

It's hard to explain, but in my head I know it wasn't my fault, but I don't feel like that. Does that make sense to yall? Like I still feel like it's my fault. I don't know, it's weird. I still have nightmares almost every night. It's usually the same idea. It's him over me taking advantage of me and me just laying there, doing nothing. Having nightmares about it makes it pretty difficult to forgive and forget.

I am always thinking about it. It effects every part of my life. I wish it had never happened to me and I wish I could move on, but I don't know how to.

Even though this happened more than nine months ago, I still have feelings that I had shortly after the incident.

I hate hate hate strangers.
I feel like nobody can help me.
I feel worthless.
I feel dirty.
I feel stupid.
I feel ashamed.
I feel as if I can smell him sometimes.
I feel bipolar.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
I feel scared.

I don't even know how to describe the other feelings I have.

And then I feel bad about feeling bad. I read the stories on here about what has happened to yall and others and it sounds so much worse and that makes me feel bad for feeling bad.

I don't know. I guess I am just confused.
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Old December 28th, 2009, 11:59 AM   #9
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Default Re: My story. :(

I am so glad nothing bad happened as a result of this. Reporting this to the police, if you havent already, would not really acomplish anythings, as the evidence would be gone by now. Again I fel very bad for you, good luck.

Some want it to happen,
Some wish it would happen,
We make it happen.
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Old December 28th, 2009, 03:44 PM   #10
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Default Re: My story. :(

You need to tell someone and get help if you have not already. Nobody should have to go through this. I know you probably don't want get help and stuff but if it happened over 9 months ago and you still get nightmares then it is a good idea. Good luck.
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Old December 29th, 2009, 10:26 AM   #11
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i know that is a horrid thing to get your mind round something happened to me is was 12 and it was a family friend ddn't sleep i couldnt after it and i stopped eating and stuff like that but i told someone and godthough it was so amn hard i am so glad i have because he is now locked up behind bars and i know he can't hurt anyone else i know what you have gone through is so so hard and horrid but please think if he can do it you he could do it to anyone so please not just for your sake though i hope that is the main reason tell someone it doesn't matter how long ago it was it will be your word against his please do take care lovey

o and ballin2much i didn't report mine until i was 14 and it did acomplish somthing the person that did it to me can't to it to anyone else ever again

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Last edited by BuryYourFlame; January 8th, 2010 at 06:56 PM.
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Old December 29th, 2009, 10:42 AM   #12
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Default Re: My story. :(

You really need to report it and see a counselor, they can help you
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Old December 29th, 2009, 11:54 PM   #13
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Default Re: My story. :(

First thing...POLICE..Secondly talk to someone about it. It doesnt have to me a professional counselor. Now take all the feelings you said that you had and write them on a piece of paper. Take that paper and burn it. Get rid of those feelings and thoughts- there are people out there to help you..but they dont know unless you say something.



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Old December 30th, 2009, 03:56 AM   #14
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Default Re: My story. :(

Firstly, you need to tell the police about it. Second, you should find a good therapist. They can help you figure out why you feel the way you do, and help you feel better about yourself. And they can help you to deal with your feelings on all of this.

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Old December 30th, 2009, 02:47 PM   #15
caitiemac
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Default Re: My story. :(

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me! I might take all of yalls advice and tell someone, but I honestly doubt it. :/ Sorry. I have started to try something else. I got a blog so i could attempt to write everything out and hopefully it will help. I'm not sure if it has yet, but I'm hoping it does. Again thank you all!
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Old December 30th, 2009, 04:00 PM   #16
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Default Re: My story. :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by caitiemac View Post
Thanks guys. I guess it is sad. I have never thought of it like that before.

It's hard to explain, but in my head I know it wasn't my fault, but I don't feel like that. Does that make sense to yall? Like I still feel like it's my fault. I don't know, it's weird. I still have nightmares almost every night. It's usually the same idea. It's him over me taking advantage of me and me just laying there, doing nothing. Having nightmares about it makes it pretty difficult to forgive and forget.

I am always thinking about it. It effects every part of my life. I wish it had never happened to me and I wish I could move on, but I don't know how to.

Even though this happened more than nine months ago, I still have feelings that I had shortly after the incident.

I hate hate hate strangers.
I feel like nobody can help me.
I feel worthless.
I feel dirty.
I feel stupid.
I feel ashamed.
I feel as if I can smell him sometimes.
I feel bipolar.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
I feel scared.

I don't even know how to describe the other feelings I have.

And then I feel bad about feeling bad. I read the stories on here about what has happened to yall and others and it sounds so much worse and that makes me feel bad for feeling bad.

I don't know. I guess I am just confused.
Hun don't feel bad, I was molested when I was in seventh grade.
I've learned firsthand that getting help, telling someone you trust, and seeing someone will turn this situation around.
Please, do it for yourself, tell someone you trust. It's not to late to come forward. You can put this behind you if you do this.
Even though what happened to me was not the same thing that happened to you, I know what you're feeling, I promise if you get help you will be okay.
Good luck.
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Old December 30th, 2009, 08:19 PM   #17
pol852
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Default Re: My story. :(

im so sry this happened to you. But no matter how bad YOU feel you must get help, goto the police,get a shrink, i meen that is rly bad and I couldn't comprehend that happening to me but trust me and all of us on VT, U ARE NOT THOSE THINGS HE and you said u were. So try to find help anywere

Best of wishes-pol852

Time is passing - PeterP(aka: pol852)REP would be nice i am in teh negatives!
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Old December 30th, 2009, 09:58 PM   #18
caitiemac
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Default Re: My story. :(

Thank you all. I don't feel like I need help though. I think I'm making progress. Slowly but surely wins the race, right?
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Old December 31st, 2009, 12:36 AM   #19
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Default Re: My story. :(

I beg you to report this, slow and steady wins the race, but this is not about to go away, u will be effected by this for the rest of your life, TALK TO SOMEONE even if it is someone on here, my friend got raped, she still calls me crying and it was 1 and a half years ago. i know you might not think you need help, but i and everyone else would really like you to talk to someone or to report it.

| 18 | Australian | Gay | Too Much Emotion |
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Old December 31st, 2009, 01:13 AM   #20
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Default Re: My story. :(

I know you think you're okay.
But believe me, a really really good friend of mine was raped when she was younger.
And she repressed it.
But e v e r y t h i n g came back.
Believe me. I know it seems crazy and really hard to talk to someone about, but trust me on this; if you don't get help now, you will really really regret it later.
I'm begging you to please talk to someone.
A therapist or counselor, they're there to help people with exactly these sorts of things.
It wasn't your fault. But what would be your fault is letting yourself get worse, instead of better. When you deserve so much more than that. It was terrible, what happened. But please don't let it get worse by not seeking help.
please, please, please, please.

Please, talk to someone.
In the long run, it will make things a lot easier on you.

<3

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?" -Mark Twain
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