Virtual Teen Forums
 

Go Back   Virtual Teen Forums > >
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read Chat Room

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old September 26th, 2009, 09:31 PM   #1
unsure
New Member
 
Join Date: September 26, 2009
Gender: Undisclosed
Exclamation Was I Raped?

I need advice. Im not sure if I was raped. My parents told me after I told them what had happened that I was, but I am not sure if they are just being protective parents.

I had known this guy for close to two years before the incident. We did not know eachother well. One night we were at a party together. I drank a lot of alcohol and pretty soon was stumbling around barely able to keep my balance. I went into the bedroom and shut the door because I didnt feel good and wanted to sleep.

Probably like ten minutes later the guy comes into the room and lays down in the bed with me. He begins reaching over and putting his hand around my waste. I remember repeatedly telling him I dont feel good and that Im too drunk and to shut up because there was a 6th month old child sleeping in her crib just a few feet away. He continued on. I was in no right state of mind to determine whether or not to have consensual sex, and I would not have agreed to it if I wasnt drunk...I was supposed to deploy with my Army unit to Afghanistan in just a month and did not want to take ANY chance at getting pregnant. Eventually he started having sex with me. The rrom was spinning, my mind was racing...and I kept blacking in and out. This guy was 6 years older than me as well.

I didnt do anything, no morning after pill nothing. 4 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I hadnt talked to the guy since. Because of my faith I have a pro-life view and I believed rape, incest, medical concerns to the mother were acceptable reasons to terminate a pregnancy. I remembered reading a magazine about a girl who was raped and had gotten pregnant and decided to keep her baby. I admired her for what she did because she realized that the child did not ask to be brought into the world that way.

I decided to keep my baby. About a week later the guy called me and I told him I was pregnant. He was excited, which made me sick. He called me a couple days later and started listing off possible names, which made me sicker. All I could think was I am 6 years younger than you with a whole future that is put on hold, and you want to think about names? I was still trying to figure out a way to tell my parents and Commander I would not be deploying.

My question is: Is what happened to me rape? I eventually just took it because I was sick and tired and drunk?

I have since told him not to speak to me, that this is my body and my baby and I will not have him anything to do with it. I just need closure. I just want to know what is a definition for what happened to me?

Last edited by unsure; September 26th, 2009 at 09:42 PM.
unsure is offline  
Old September 26th, 2009, 09:39 PM   #2
MyNameIsJack
Member+
 
Name: some
Join Date: June 9, 2009
Gender: Male
Default Re: Was I Raped?

Well, maybe he is a good guy. And he was very very drunk too, and if he called you and you told him that you are pregnant and he reacted in a good way, that's really good, it could be worst if he didn't call you.

Good luck
MyNameIsJack is offline  
Old September 26th, 2009, 10:53 PM   #3
mrmcdonaldduck
vamos a elas
 
mrmcdonaldduck's Forum Picture
 
Name: Jason
Join Date: April 27, 2009
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 7
Default Re: Was I Raped?

it was rape, but at least he isnt running away. he is trying to help you with the baby, so be glad of that. but it is still rape.



Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinceOfMadness View Post
Dragovich...Kravchenko...Steiner...
Moderators...Admins...Global Admins...
All must die!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chief View Post
Don't lie Nick. Be cool, think of my large, beautiful breasts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Contra View Post
... Oh fuck you!
mrmcdonaldduck is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 03:00 AM   #4
artex
Junior Member+
 
Name: Jason
Join Date: April 2, 2009
Location: Indiana
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Default Re: Was I Raped?

it was rape and since you apparently have love for the guy its up to you if you keep him involved id say no and would consider possible a criminal charge?? if you havent already
the being drunk is no excuse for either of you NO means no!!
artex is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 05:50 AM   #5
Ryhanna
Awesome Poster
 
Ryhanna's Forum Picture
 
Name: Ryan
Join Date: August 19, 2009
Location: Victoria, Aus
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 12
Default Re: Was I Raped?

Yeah well... Im not exactly sure if its rape you know... if you eventually agreed to do it and he didn't just like force you down then its not rape but if he like didn't give you an option then its a yes. It dosen't matter if either of you were drunk, you still said yes so it wouldnt be rape

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
Ryhanna is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 05:59 AM   #6
Fusion
Nice Poster
 
Join Date: January 25, 2009
Location: Australia
Gender: Male
Default Re: Was I Raped?

To me it was rape, it wasn't consensual, at least you now know he will be there for you but I think you should have full custody over the child after all he raped you, please keep us updated on how your pregnancy is going

and I applaud you for not giving up the baby


Fusion is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 06:21 AM   #7
Zephyr
Retired Administrator
 
Zephyr's Forum Picture
 
Name: Steph
Join Date: January 15, 2008
Location: Oregon
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 6
Default Re: Was I Raped?

You told him not to do it,
And he did it anyway.
That's taking advantage of an intoxicated person,
Which is by no means consensual.
It was rape,
Though not the violent kind that we're used to hearing about.

If he's willing to help out with the baby though,
I'd let him rather than push him away hun.

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

✯ Alis Volat Propriis ✯
Zephyr is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 06:50 AM   #8
nick
Legendary Member
 
nick's Forum Picture
 
Name: Nick
Join Date: January 27, 2009
Location: UK
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 14
Default Re: Was I Raped?

It was definitely rape, it doesnt matter that no force was involved. You were drunk and did not give consent, you were in no fit state to resist.

If I was in your position I would hate that guy and not want ever to see him again or for him to come anywhere near the child. He's a rapist and has no rights in the matter.
nick is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 07:49 AM   #9
Shalom
Member+
 
Shalom's Forum Picture
 
Name: Jordan
Join Date: September 19, 2009
Location: FL
Gender: Male
Default Re: Was I Raped?

In a sense yes you were drunk and you might not remember, but you could've possibly said yes to the sex after his begging. At least he is trying to be in the babies life. All you can do is move on from this and take care of that kid with him involved as much as possible! Also, 6 years isn't much of an age difference. It very well could have been considered rape, but I don't know how extreme it was.

☺ Peace ☺
Shalom is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 10:56 AM   #10
unsure
New Member
 
Join Date: September 26, 2009
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: Was I Raped?

that just astounds me that people will say its rape but then tell me to keep him in the baby's life.


by law, he has no parental right to this child.

i am nearly four months pregnant now.
he hasnt even attempted to get in contact with me since i was a month along.
unsure is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 10:59 AM   #11
nick
Legendary Member
 
nick's Forum Picture
 
Name: Nick
Join Date: January 27, 2009
Location: UK
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 14
Default Re: Was I Raped?

Its a really terrible thing to have happened and for it to mess up all of your plans. I admire you for going ahead and having the baby. I hope it all goes well, really best wishes and good luck.
nick is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 11:00 AM   #12
unsure
New Member
 
Join Date: September 26, 2009
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: Was I Raped?

and i disagree with 6 years is not that big of a difference i am 18. he is 24 gonna be 25. He is a grown man, I am the age of his youngest sister.

thanks justnick

Last edited by Triceratops; September 29th, 2009 at 10:03 AM. Reason: merged double post
unsure is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 12:36 PM   #13
Giles
Legendary Member
 
Giles's Forum Picture
 
Name: Ben
Join Date: June 10, 2009
Location: UK
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Default Re: Was I Raped?

It was rape. If I was you, I'd press charges and "force" him to help out with the child.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DoctorWhat
Age is just a number. Yeah? Prison is just a room.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoNotStandUp View Post
call me harsh but you have to be a mega-attention seeker if you feel the need to announce that you're leaving.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jon
i'm too busy licking my own arse to bother with ears
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elcofan View Post
So one time when i was watching her house
Giles is offline  
Old September 27th, 2009, 11:44 PM   #14
Ortizitthisone
Member+
 
Name: Jim
Join Date: June 26, 2009
Location: USA
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Default Re: Was I Raped?

Force is not necessarily always considered in cases of rape.

In most parts of the world, an intoxicated individual can not legally consent to a sex act. Therefore, anyone who takes advantage of that fact has committed rape.

Hi! I'm Jim. I'm here to help. Please feel free to PM me anytime.
Ortizitthisone is offline  
Old September 28th, 2009, 06:28 AM   #15
Ryhanna
Awesome Poster
 
Ryhanna's Forum Picture
 
Name: Ryan
Join Date: August 19, 2009
Location: Victoria, Aus
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 12
Default Re: Was I Raped?

I'm still not entirely sure its rape. And i just have to say (sorry if this is a bit off subject) That men are the victims of sexism when it comes to rape and sex. You know, they were both drunk - he probably wouldn't have done it sober, and she didn't refuse either. He sounds like a good guy, he wants to help her with the baby, he's already helping with names - which to me, sounds like a way for him to try and make up for hurting you because he didn't mean to do it to you. Give him a bit of a chance, remember that if he does it again or it turns out that he DID rape you, then you can walk away and get rid of him. but pressing charges for rape if you were both drunk and everything isnt fair. I think that women can be too afraid of being raped so when a man makes a mistake they can seriously take it the wrong way and consider it rape even when its not

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
Ryhanna is offline  
Old September 28th, 2009, 12:38 PM   #16
nick
Legendary Member
 
nick's Forum Picture
 
Name: Nick
Join Date: January 27, 2009
Location: UK
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 14
Default Re: Was I Raped?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryanlol View Post
I'm still not entirely sure its rape.
It certainly is rape in UK law.

She has said several times now that she doesn't want the guy to be involved with the baby. Why cant you guys understand that? It must feel life being assaulted all over again to have you guys suggesting she should somehow kiss and make up.
nick is offline  
Old September 29th, 2009, 11:23 AM   #17
Sapphire
Tears & Smiles
 
Sapphire's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: March 22, 2005
Location: UK
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 3
Default Re: Was I Raped?

The guy is the biological father and therefore, no matter how the child was concieved, he has rights. You are not the only one who is going to become a parent. If he were to want access to the child after it's born then you can't stop him purely on these grounds. But if he were to want access then I am sure that an arrangement can be agreed with the courts so that you wouldn't have to face him.

You were sexually assaulted and pressurised into sex. That is slightly different from rape but is by no means any less of a crime or any less damaging.

I am in no way suggesting you continue forgive and forget. He violated and took advantage of you which shouldn't be forgotten. I'm just trying to give you a realistic view of it all.


~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step ~

* Nothing in the world has ever been accomplished without passion *
Sapphire is offline  
Old September 29th, 2009, 02:08 PM   #18
Ortizitthisone
Member+
 
Name: Jim
Join Date: June 26, 2009
Location: USA
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Default Re: Was I Raped?

If he does go after the child for his parental rights, then one thing you could do is press criminal charges against him. That would keep him away from the child, if that's what you want.

Hi! I'm Jim. I'm here to help. Please feel free to PM me anytime.
Ortizitthisone is offline  
Old September 29th, 2009, 02:47 PM   #19
unsure
New Member
 
Join Date: September 26, 2009
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: Was I Raped?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sapphire View Post
The guy is the biological father and therefore, no matter how the child was concieved, he has rights. You are not the only one who is going to become a parent. If he were to want access to the child after it's born then you can't stop him purely on these grounds. But if he were to want access then I am sure that an arrangement can be agreed with the courts so that you wouldn't have to face him.

You were sexually assaulted and pressurised into sex. That is slightly different from rape but is by no means any less of a crime or any less damaging.

I am in no way suggesting you continue forgive and forget. He violated and took advantage of you which shouldn't be forgotten. I'm just trying to give you a realistic view of it all.
That's where you are wrong. By law, a man that gets a woman pregnant due to sexual assault or rape has automatically terminated any parental right he has to the child. He has no right to the child whatsoever, not even surpervised visitation. And even if that wasn't the law you believe that someone who rapes a woman should even be around the child? Wow.... I was not pressured into having sex. I told him no and to go away and he proceeded to have sex with someone who was passed out drunk.
unsure is offline  
Old September 29th, 2009, 03:59 PM   #20
Ortizitthisone
Member+
 
Name: Jim
Join Date: June 26, 2009
Location: USA
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Default Re: Was I Raped?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unsure View Post
By law, a man that gets a woman pregnant due to sexual assault or rape has automatically terminated any parental right he has to the child.
Well, that's not necessarily true. It depends on your jurisdiction. While I DO NOT AT ALL believe that any 'man' (can you really call him that?) who gets a woman pregnant by raping her should have parental rights, in many areas, he does.

EDIT: The only issue is that, if he does go after those parental rights, he'd be implicating himself in a crime. Keep that in mind.

Hi! I'm Jim. I'm here to help. Please feel free to PM me anytime.
Ortizitthisone is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:08 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright©2000 - 2017
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2017, VirtualTeen.org