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Old February 18th, 2009, 01:57 PM   #1
Mzor203
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Name: Rex
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Default So... I May Have It?

Glancing over the sticky it does sound like me. I don't fit ALL the symptoms, exactly, but I know myself, I know I'm depressed, feeling intense periods where I just feel like absolute crap, I've been almost on the edge of feeling suicidal, etc. Anyway, pretty much my situation can be summed up like this:

If you met me in real life, 'depressed' is not the word you would choose for me. Nowhere near it, normally when I meet people I'm my normal, smily, happy seeming self. I HATE to burden anyone with my emotions, it seems so selfish to me, thus I cover it up, and have been covering it up for over a year.

Around the beginning of last school year is really where it began affecting me. Everything I normally loved to do started seeming boring, and never gave me any joy, I started staying up until all hours every night reading to take my mind off things (I hadn't found the glory of the internet yet), I started getting sad for no reason, but I covered it up. I wasn't having down times where I got really low yet, it was more flatline... every day was the same.

When I joined VT it wasn't really bad yet, it was still just kind of... I dunno. But then around April into May I started feeling like crap a lot of times, and then one night I pretty much just, collapsed I guess. I didn't tell anyone, didn't show myself to anyone, pretty much just kept it in, and that probably made it worse.

Since then I've had my ups and downs. Summer was great for me because I was around family and people I loved, and my mind was occupied constantly, but that was just a short 2 month respite from what I was feeling. It came back quickly afterwards, and it was pretty much worse then, from September onwards. But frrom the beginning of January till now has been incredibly sporadic. It's just insane. The first week in January was just like, bleck, okay, at least I'm not suicidal at the moment. The next week was actually okay for me. The week after that was an absolute hellhole. I don't think I ever felt worse. Then the last week I felt absolute fantastic, for whatever reason. Then on that reason I crashed faster than I ever had before. February... well February started off pretty bad and has pretty much stayed bad. Anyway, these are mood swings of an intense variety...

So now, quoted from the sticky, I'm going to go over potential symptoms I may have...

Quote:
What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder?

Manic-depressive illness may begin either with manic or depressive symptoms.

The manic symptoms include:

Severe changes in mood compared to others of the same age and background - either unusually happy or silly, or very irritable I am defintely a lot more irratible towards some people now... it doesn't take much to piss me off. I don't really know about this one.

Unrealistic highs in self-esteem - for example, a teenager who feels specially connected to God I don't really have highs in self esteem, on the contrary my self esteem has pretty much fell off a cliff. And now it's gone.

Great energy increase and the ability to go with little or no sleep for days without feeling tired Yep, pretty much me.

Increased talking - the adolescent talks too much, too fast, changes topics too quickly, and cannot be interrupted I'm not exactly the most talkative person, so this doesn't really fit.

Distractibility - the teen's attention moves constantly from one thing to the next *Nods head.*

High risk-taking behavior, such as jumping off a roof with the belief that this will not cause injury I have a little more sense than that... I don't really jump off roofs, but I do do things like fuck around with knives a lot when I know it has the potential of hurting me. Though this could be attributed to me secretely wanting to harm or even kill myself, because I don't have the nerve to do it myself.

The depressive symptoms include:

Persistent sadness, frequent crying, depression Mhmm

Loss of enjoyment in favorite activities I used to love my instruments... now I sometimes want to burn them. Nothing gives me joy anymore. Except popcorn.

Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches or stomach aches
I'd never even thought about it but I get sick once or twice a month usually. A link to this problem maybe?

Low energy level, poor concentration, complaints of boredom Haha.... yes

Major change in eating or sleeping patterns, such as oversleeping or overeating yeah, pretty much, I don't have a problem with overdoing anything, really it's that I've stopped eating a lot of anything but popcorn... and my sleeping habits are horrendous (Though I've sort of successfully managed to drive a sleeping pattern into my body)
So, given this, what are the chances of me being bipolar? And if I do see somone about it, what kind of treatment could I expect from it, how long before I start seeing results, etc. Anything I could possibly do to ease the burden before I manage to see someone?

Yeah, sorry for the long ramble-ish post. Bleck. I had to get this out.
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Old February 18th, 2009, 04:30 PM   #2
TigerLily
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Default Re: So... I May Have It?

No need to apologise. From what you've said you may well suffer from bipolar disorder, although I'm no doctor. I would suggest you go to see your GP or somebody who really knows what they're talking about so that they can diagnose you and, if you are diagnosed, find the best treatment for you.
I wish you all the best and if you feel you need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.
Best wishes,
Rachel
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Old February 18th, 2009, 06:27 PM   #3
Hyper
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Default Re: So... I May Have It?

Bipolar by essence.. How to describe it best

If your just fucked up depressed you can be happy for a temporary period if your in a good enviorment

HOWEVER bipolar is completly random it can make you feel like absolute crap even if you just won the lottery.

My point being is that bipolar has basically no relevance to your surroundings and enviorment.

When you've been depressed for a long time you get used to it in a sense and develop better and worse days. It may seem like those days are random but they have some relevance to your surroundings and enviorment

And also usually a bipolar depressive period is very very bad. It can literally be like you go to sleep as a happy boy and wake up in the next morning feeling 100% suicidal

If your moods swing to those extremes with no significant connections to your surroundings & enviorment then yes you might have it..

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
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Old February 18th, 2009, 10:03 PM   #4
Zephyr
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Default Re: So... I May Have It?

^^ Couldn't have said it better myself.

When you're Bipolar, shit just happens, regardless of everything else.
It doesn't discriminate at all, and things can change in the snap of your fingers.

Bipolar is the most commonly misdiagnosed psychiatric disorder.
And you are in your teens, so with hormones in play it can make you seem Bipolar.

I'd seek out a psychiatrist to observe your behaviors and to talk to,
There's no way in hell you can diagnose yourself, or us.

And from the sounds of it, you're not really manic.
Getting manic and 'jumping off of roofs' has nothing to do with common sense,
You just do it, no questions asked, because you want that rush and to get it all out.

I've been in the Bipolar business since I was like, 11, maybe younger,
So if you'd like to talk about anything further regarding symptoms or whatever,
You know where to reach me

But again, I STRONGLY suggest a psychiatrist if you want to look into a diagnosis of anything,
Even if it's just depression.

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

✯ Alis Volat Propriis ✯
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Old February 18th, 2009, 10:28 PM   #5
IAMSAM
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Default Re: So... I May Have It?

Rex, internet diagnosis?

I think you're unhappy, really unhappy. Bi Polar? I sure hope not.

Unless there's a family history of it, (it runs strongly in families) let's assume that it's (hopefully) something else. It's a baaaad thing to have, it's much more than high's and low's or 'moodiness', it's aboiut a loss of mental control over your thoughts (when you're manic), and an inabiity to function when you're depressed. All without any apparent connection to environmental events.

Whatever you've got, you'd do so well in therapy, maybe even some meds. Work with your folks to articulate your unhappiness as clearly and vividly as possible, on a daily basis, if need be, to impress upon them the seriousness of your pain.
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Old February 18th, 2009, 10:36 PM   #6
Mzor203
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Default Re: So... I May Have It?

To all people above, thanks. One of the things that I find worrying, is that it's steadily getting worse. Every time I think it's as bad as it's going to get,and then all of a sudden, BAM, it's two times worse. So, yeah. I will hopefully see someone, hopefully get this 'depression' sorted out... I dunno. Umm... yeah, thanks. I'll just say I have 'rapid mood swings' or something.
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