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Old October 1st, 2008, 01:11 PM   #1
Zephyr
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Default Mania... Ugh!

No adivce needed, just need to get it all out.

So I've been in a manic swing the last few of weeks and it's starting to take a toll.

-No sleep
-Excessive drinking
-Stealing things
-Starting to hear things again
-Hyper as all hell
-And a couple of times I'll snap out of something that I'm doing, something stupid in particular, and not remembering doing it in the first place.
-Getting so hyper to the point where it's depressing and I've seriously considered taking up cutting again.

I LOATHE my manic cycles.
They make me feel like I'm a terrible person.

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

✯ Alis Volat Propriis ✯
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Old October 1st, 2008, 09:38 PM   #2
Zephyr
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

And... *crash*

The good news: The mania is gone

The bad news: ... rather not talk about it publicly.

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

✯ Alis Volat Propriis ✯
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Old October 1st, 2008, 09:46 PM   #3
iJack
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

You think your a horrible person during those, Steph, your a beloved Global Moderator, one step under Administrator on a forum with these stats: Threads: 25,418, Posts: 315,737, Members: 8,890, Active Members: 495
People love you Steph.
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Old October 1st, 2008, 10:25 PM   #4
Techno Monster
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

^ Yeah, look at all you did, and all do, and can do!
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Old October 1st, 2008, 10:27 PM   #5
Oblivion
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

Steph.
You are a fabulous person.
You shouldn't have to go through this.
Good luck Steph. You can pull through with no cutting.
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Old October 1st, 2008, 11:23 PM   #6
Zephyr
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

When I get like this, I have no choice in the matter of what happens.
I'm conscious of what is going on, but it's not me that's doing it.
It the monster that comes out after the mania crashes.
Nothing triggers them either, it's completely random.
I was doing so well too...
6 months, my record for not having a manic breakdown.
All gone to waste now.
I feel terrible.
I know it isn't my fault,
But I feel like a destructive monster.
I get scary when this happens.
I laugh and cry manically at the same time,
I get violent if anything bad comes to mind,
Then I end up hurting myself to snap myself out of it.


But thank you for your kind words though everybody,
It really means a lot to hear it.

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

✯ Alis Volat Propriis ✯

Last edited by Zephyr; October 1st, 2008 at 11:30 PM.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 10:30 PM   #7
IAMSAM
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

Glad you're better, Steph. Are you working with a doctor?
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Old October 3rd, 2008, 12:53 AM   #8
Zephyr
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

Not really better.
Just not as intense as last night and more in control.
I'm at my dad's this weekend,
So if anything goes wrong him or my sister can deal with me.
I usually do extremely well, so doctor's visits are sparse,
Generally once a year.
I think psychiatrists are great,
But not for me.
I can't open up to strangers in such an intimate enviornment.
Medication isn't supposed to work 100% of the time,
I haven't been this bad since I was 14,
But it will probably pass over soon enough.

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

✯ Alis Volat Propriis ✯
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Old October 3rd, 2008, 02:49 AM   #9
Zephyr
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Name: Steph
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

It's coming back...
I'm scared of myself

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

✯ Alis Volat Propriis ✯
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Old October 12th, 2008, 01:24 PM   #10
Zephyr
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Name: Steph
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

It's been 3 days since my last little 'hiccup'.
I feel awesome, like I have some new-found energy!
I do believe it has officially passed,
Yay = ]

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

✯ Alis Volat Propriis ✯
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Old October 12th, 2008, 01:27 PM   #11
Bobby
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

That's great Steph! Let's hope things stay good.

"Only the most deluded of us could doubt the necessity of this war."
-John McCain
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Old October 12th, 2008, 02:10 PM   #12
Oblivion
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

Wooohoo! Go Steph!
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Old October 12th, 2008, 04:44 PM   #13
theOperaGhost
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

Awesome, Steph!!
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Old October 21st, 2008, 01:18 AM   #14
Θάνατος
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Default Re: Mania... Ugh!

Hey Steph I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar and ADD. The medicines they had me on were totally mind controlling. I could not think straight and I could say something and 30 secs later I would not remember what I said.

Steph if you ever need to talk I am here for you.
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