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Old October 4th, 2015, 03:48 PM   #1
Paraxiom
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Arrow Wondering if I have PTSD [long post]

I don't think I have posted in this sub-forum before, but here I am so yeah. I'll keep it short because I don't have a lot of motivation or concentration to say a lot, hope that is ok.

From autumn-spring 2006-07 I had a particularly strict teacher in school, who did loud shouting about five times a day on average (and occasional screaming), and gave threats of people being in big trouble if they don't do homework, break rules etc. Basically she was near the top of the teacher strictness scale, if such a thing was quantified. From the first few days I quickly grew to be in a state of permanent anxiety, which grew to fear or minor terror in the first few weeks of this year of school. With that, I interpreted that things in school, and therefore in work for adults etc, things are tough and you should assume that you don't deserve help, breaks or generally anything lenient. I got used to being hard on myself and have an austere, serious view on things.

This happened over the year, and I remember one day in March, a Sunday before school, I was feeling afraid of going to school and really did not want to think about it at all. This happened a week before parent-teacher meeting, and a few days before it I got upset in front of my parents, and explained to my parents why I was feeling bad, but I gave a wrong explanation. I ended up saying something like I feel sorry for other people in the class who feel bad, not talking about myself at all. I think I said that, because partially I did not want to say to my parents what the teacher was like, if I would get in trouble if my parents went to the teacher about this. Just to say, I was a total rule obeyer etc.

That school year ended, but my state of mind lasted. My last year in primary school (analogous to elementary school for ye United Statesians) had a moderately strict teacher, but he never shouted or got visibly angry, and I liked him. Over year before, I got this strong fear of shouting or raised voices, anger, and awkward moments between people. It did not matter at all if it was directed at me or not. My anxiety persisted, though there was little to give it reason to be around anymore. It was sometime in the summer before secondary school that I talked about this to some friend of my parents (who I considered friends too), and I think I explained wrongly how I was, again. I was told (in a supporting way of course) to keep remembering that anger and shouting is never done at me, so I should not worry. That did not help, because I already thought that many times before, but did not say so.

1st year of secondary school had new teachers, and new kinds of strictness. My science teacher (who I would have for up to 4th year including) was similar to my strict primary school teacher. I've nothing more to say than that my state of mind was returned to how it was before, if it changed away from it at all. This time I had more numerous direct shouting or annoyance directed at me by the teacher, though I tried my best to keep to the rules and such. I had another teacher who was strict but shouted less, though in 3rd year I ended up getting a non-shouting but clear and present warning whacked on me, when that teacher thought I did something when in fact others did it, which all started by those 2 people doing a prank of saying I missed some of my exams (which triggered more anxiety in itself).
I did 4th year, which was optional. Though I hated school, I only did this year to give me more time until university. I now question why I went for the 4th year at all, but I don't full on regret it, just as well probably. 4th year still had strict teachers, but now most of the people in my class broke non-serious rules like a lot. Fast forward to the end of the year, the last day had a teacher (who I see to be a proper bitch of a person overall) who shouted at all us of to have fun, or to face the consequences.
5th and 6th year were the best years of school, but my mental viewpoint stayed, and only now am I trying to get out of it.
For the record, there was no physical harm or anything like that at all, ever done. I believe that most (if not all, which might be the part of me in denial talking) of what happened in school, was normal and not unusual or anything. Shit happens is the phrase used I think.

I know this turned out longer than I expected, but I am leaving out most of the story, and some possible relevant events before 2006-07. I also have a half-interconnected part of me thinking I have Aspergers', but I am not talking about that because I feel it is half not relevant, and would be a big post in itself, even if I tried to keep it short. I'm just saying enough (I hope) to get what I need to get across.
When I talked about some of this to a friend, I was told that I suffered emotional abuse, and that I could have PTSD.
What do you think? Thanks for reading this! I'm open to all replies.


Hope this is readable, with no typos.

Last edited by Paraxiom; October 4th, 2015 at 03:55 PM. Reason: Typo corrections
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Old October 4th, 2015, 09:51 PM   #2
SethfromMI
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Default Re: Wondering if I have PTSD [long post]

well I will say this. if you do have PTSD, none of us here will be able to give you the complete help you need. it is a very serious thing and it needs some professional help. I don't say that in a mean way either. by what you wrote, I am not sure if it is, but again, I am not a professional.

gently ask your mom or dad if you can talk to someone. if you do have it, they will be better equipped to help you.

best of luck

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Old October 5th, 2015, 07:41 PM   #3
Paraxiom
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Default Re: Wondering if I have PTSD [long post]

Thanks for the reply, I didn't take it in a mean way. I am seeing a counsellor in a week, same as last year, and I have not brought this up yet, but I will.
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Old October 7th, 2015, 03:42 AM   #4
hansofandersen
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Default Re: Wondering if I have PTSD [long post]

You need to talk to someone about this. Yes, you have to be a rule obeyer and you should do your homework and all that stuff but you didn't have to go through what you had to go through. And I'll happily admit too that I am an incredibly serious person with an 'extraordinary conviction' but I also siphoned out things out of my mind that I knew wouldn't be helpful to my life. You didn't have to go through what you did but the past is the past.

Be who you want to be now, and just enjoy life as you have it now. Smile, laugh, tell jokes.

As always, PM me and leave a message on my profile if you have questions or want to talk. All the best.

19. Bi/Straight. Writer, photographer, musician, loving guy. Come say hi- I don't bite. No, really, I don't.

And I also work in one of these:

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