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Old June 7th, 2015, 08:03 PM   #1
RedWolfie
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Join Date: June 7, 2015
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Default I don't know what I have

Hi i'm new.

I don't know what I have. If it's social anxiety or what. It's been bothering me for a while. So basically I don't have any friends right now. I've been thinking back and I realized i've never had any. Just lots of acquaintances, people i'm friendly with. All of those people I met because there was no way not to. Classmates or being put into their groups for projects. I don't know anyone any other way. I can count on one hand the number of times i've invited someone over, in the last 4 years. Meanwhile my "friends" have all had tons of girlfriends and met people from other schools and they seem to have all sorts of fun. I don't really talk much, I have a hard time relating to a lot of people, except a few. I never feel comfortable talking 1 on 1 with people, except a couple people I randomly ran into while on vacation. But I haven't seen them since and didn't get their info or anything. I'm certain my social skills are severely lacking, that's got to be part of it, except those 2 people I didn't have any trouble talking to. I felt like a normal person then.

I used to say i'm introverted, But I don't know anymore. I really want to go out and go to parties and hang out with people but I never do. I'm never invited anywhere because I don't know the people that go, and if it's an open thing for everyone I just stay home. I've been to a couple community events but I just sit by myself and watch everyone else go home until I get bored enough to leave. At the same time the conversations I overhear are mostly nonsense and I couldn't see myself drudging through filler and small-talk about nothing.

I'm going to college soon, and I want to have the full experience, but on the track i'm on right now, I'll go all 4 years without making a single actual true friend, just like high school.

So yeah, that's me. I don't know what to do
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Old June 7th, 2015, 08:33 PM   #2
Microcosm
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Default Re: I don't know what I have

@RedWolfie,

Anyone can make a change in their life at any time. You just have to put some work into it. Here's what I want you to try:
1. Find someone who is introverted, or is extroverted but kind of removed like you are saying you are.
2. Go up to them and be like "What's up bro"
3. Talk about books, movies, video games, hobbies, whatever.
Eventually, they will become comfortable with you. You just have to find people who are similar to you. They're always the easiest to make friends with. Once you've made friends with them, then you can use that momentum to make more friends.

I don't think you have serious social anxiety. There's no need to go that far, I don't think. You just suffer from a lack of friends, which is normal.

Hope I helped.
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Old June 21st, 2015, 10:34 PM   #3
RedWolfie
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Default Re: I don't know what I have

I don't know, we'll see. Its summer now and I don't get out much so I cant try that until i'm back to school really
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Old June 22nd, 2015, 03:57 AM   #4
Rayquaza
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Default Re: I don't know what I have

OP,

I know how difficult it can be to find new people and make new friends, especially from incoming pressure from other people, but when you've made your first few solid friends, the rest is a lot easier and picking up social skills become second nature. I completely understand that anxiety can take its toll on preventing you from meeting other people which is why the first thing you need to do is prepare yourself mentally on something that will combat your anxiety and then stick with it. Everyone feels a little anxious when they go to a party or they go somewhere new, it's the anxiousness of meeting someone. Listen, I used to be in the exact same position as you at one point. No one would want to pair up with me, I'd also be last picked and I was always that one kid. But when I did get the confidence to make friends, the rest was a doddle.

It all starts with those two people you said you felt normal with. Remember what you did and said and the rapport you built between them. Now use that as your new stencil. It's summer, which means you've actually got /more/ of a chance of finding new friends when you're out rather then down to situational circumstances (school). Nows your chance to reinvent yourself, change what your skills have been lacking in and be a new you. I know it's not just simply a matter of do this, do that, talk to people and be yourself because that's a lot easier said than done, and anxiety can hit you like a bitch.

As for college, everyone is literally in the same boat as you, and everyone wants to make new friends. Gone are the days of people being judgey and calling each other desperate. On my first day of Uni I had to call one of my friends from back home because I locked myself in my dorm room and couldn't step out, even though I was in a building with 500 other students. But after her words of advice, telling me that I was a social butterfly or something ridiculous, I went downstairs where a bunch of people were meeting for the first time and told them my name, where I'm living and I brought a whole bottle of alcohol. That alcohol wasn't just a suck-up, it was a contribution to soften the blow of allowing someone new into the circle. It's about knowing the tips and tricks of social interaction, knowing when is correct and what there is to do when something or someone goes wrong. If someone acts like a prick, usually people are quick to see that someone is being unfriendly.

And when talking to someone 1 on 1, its difficult but I've found out drawing on previous experiences is the best thing to do. If someone mentions going on holiday somewhere, usually something good to say is "I've wanted to go there" or "I've been around there" or draw on something that relates to you. This allows the other person to relate to you on more than just face value. Reveal more about yourself in the direction the conversation goes. And for girlfriends? Just flirt xD

And lastly, Welcome to VT.
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