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Old April 17th, 2015, 05:21 PM   #1
Professional Russian
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Default so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

This isn't about me really because well...I haven't done anything like 2 or 3 years but this is about a friend...yes the girl if I anyone's trying to make that connection. Anyways I was talking to her mom today and she told me that my friend will go in her room close her door, lock her door, then sit against the door and proceed to cry. It sounds to me like she's self harming. She had problems with it before so I'm worried. Am I just worrying over nothing or is this a real concern? And if it is a real concern what can I do to help her the most? I'm seriously really worried right now.

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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:25 PM   #2
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

If you think she is self-harming, first try to confirm it. Sit her down and try to talk with her about it. Be very gentle and concerned (I'm sure there are those sticky things around here that give good advice, too). If you have confirmed that she is self-harming, make sure her parents know (from what you told me her parents are good at their job, and her dad is your boss so...) Try to encourage her into therapy/counseling/whatever. The most important thing is to support her and be there for her.

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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:28 PM   #3
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Originally Posted by PartyPoison789 View Post
If you think she is self-harming, first try to confirm it. Sit her down and try to talk with her about it. Be very gentle and concerned (I'm sure there are those sticky things around here that give good advice, too). If you have confirmed that she is self-harming, make sure her parents know (from what you told me her parents are good at their job, and her dad is your boss so...) Try to encourage her into therapy/counseling/whatever. The most important thing is to support her and be there for her.
She won't talk to me. She won't talk to anyone. She's shut down from the world. That's why I'm so concerned. I've been down this road. And she's just like me in every way mentally. I don't want her to go down the same road. this is the first girl I've felt this way about. I want her to be safe.

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What a fuckin miracle.

Last edited by Professional Russian; April 17th, 2015 at 06:36 PM.
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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:33 PM   #4
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

Then tell her that. She's isolating herself because of the way she feels. No matter how difficult she starts to act, stick with her if you really love her (and you seem to truly do). I don't think her intention was to hurt you, right?

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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:43 PM   #5
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Then tell her that. She's isolating herself because of the way she feels. No matter how difficult she starts to act, stick with her if you really love her (and you seem to truly do). I don't think her intention was to hurt you, right?
I've told her told her multiple times. I told her I love her. I told her I'll always here for her but I also clung very very hard in the beginning. I wouldn't except the fact she stopped talking to me like that. I clung just super hard. And I feel bad about it no matter how hard I clung when I broke down she was there fast and saved me a couple times. That's why I clung. I don't want to let her go and with the way shes acting I'm getting very very concerned. I've told her parents. Her mom knows about before and she knows all about her problems. But I was always there for her. When she broke down and cried one night I was there and held her the whole time till it was over. I don't want to loose her. I want to know she's safe but if I'm constantly nagging her like before she'll get mad and leave me. And I couldn't live with myself knowing I lost my best friend and the only girl I've cared about this much like that. When I can't drink her out of my mind she's there to stay and I don't want she her walk away let alone be pushed away in a body bag. I feel like there's nothing I can do and I feel so bad for it and I blame myself for. I was the reason her bf broke up with her and that's what triggered all this...

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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:49 PM   #6
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

Okay, calm down. Just take it easy. Take a few deep breaths (you seem very tense right now).

What do you mean you're the reason she broke up with her boyfriend? Why do you blame yourself for all this?

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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:51 PM   #7
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Okay, calm down. Just take it easy. Take a few deep breaths (you seem very tense right now).

What do you mean you're the reason she broke up with her boyfriend? Why do you blame yourself for all this?
Tense? I'm fucking going insane. Its my fault. Its my fault because she asked me if she have sex with him and I told her not to knowing she'd listen to me....3 days later he broke up with her. And I know that's why he left. She loved him so much and I know it. He lost a very amazing girl just cause he wanted to get his dick wet. Damn does that piss me off

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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:54 PM   #8
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

Then that is NOT your fault at all! That is completely her ex-boyfriend's fault. He doesn't deserve her. But you need understand that her harming herself is not your fault at all.

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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:55 PM   #9
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Originally Posted by PartyPoison789 View Post
Then that is NOT your fault at all! That is completely her ex-boyfriend's fault. He doesn't deserve her. But you need understand that her harming herself is not your fault at all.
Its my fault he broke up with her. He caused her all this pain. I can't forgive myself for bringing so much pain on someone I care about so much. I just feel so bad that it got to this point. She probably hates me by now anyways...

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Old April 17th, 2015, 06:59 PM   #10
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

Honestly, this is not your fault. He broke up with her just because she wouldn't have sex with her. That is his fucking loss for losing this amazing girl. She deserves someone better, like you. If she hates you for this reason, I think she should be greatful. If her boyfriend left because of sex then he obviously was not meant for her, and she should understand that. It is not your fault, it is not her fault.

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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:05 PM   #11
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Originally Posted by PartyPoison789 View Post
Honestly, this is not your fault. He broke up with her just because she wouldn't have sex with her. That is his fucking loss for losing this amazing girl. She deserves someone better, like you. If she hates you for this reason, I think she should be greatful. If her boyfriend left because of sex then he obviously was not meant for her, and she should understand that. It is not your fault, it is not her fault.
She would have done it though if I said to. At the time she trusted me enough to do what I said. And I thought I was being the good friend and trying to help. She's only 16 I didn't think she needed it yet. I didn't expect him to leave her like that. I thought he felt the same way about her. Apparently he didn't. I can't help to blame myself. With that one piece of advice she lost all trust in me. I was trying to be the best friend I could. I was never in that position before I was doing what I thought was right....I still think I was right by apparently I was wrong and I brought all this pain to her which brings a bunch of pain to me. Everyone told me it wasn't my fault you, her dad, her mom, even her sister told me that but I can't help but blame myself. And now look where I'm at and where she's at. I'm loosing it and she's ruining her skin. And I just feel so fucking bad.

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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:13 PM   #12
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

Even though you feel like it's your fault, it most certainly is not.

But look, do you really just want to sit around and blame yourself or do you want to help her? You want to help her, so blaming yourself won't help!

If she is angry with you because her pathetic excuse of a bf left her (pardon me...) then that is her loss, honestly. You just be COMPLETELY honest with her. Tell her everything about how much you want to help her. The best bet is to recommend her to a therapist (her parents should do that) because it might just not be her ex bf that is the issue. Please bear..bare...whatever with me but you can't help her all by yourself. You, her family, and the therapist/counselor need to all work together to get her the help she needs.

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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:19 PM   #13
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Originally Posted by PartyPoison789 View Post
Even though you feel like it's your fault, it most certainly is not.

But look, do you really just want to sit around and blame yourself or do you want to help her? You want to help her, so blaming yourself won't help!

If she is angry with you because her pathetic excuse of a bf left her (pardon me...) then that is her loss, honestly. You just be COMPLETELY honest with her. Tell her everything about how much you want to help her. The best bet is to recommend her to a therapist (her parents should do that) because it might just not be her ex bf that is the issue. Please bear..bare...whatever with me but you can't help her all by yourself. You, her family, and the therapist/counselor need to all work together to get her the help she needs.
She goes to therapist already but she's a dumbass just like me. She won't say anything she shuts everyone out. Anyone that trys to help she tells to go fuck themselves. she self medicates just like I do and I did. She's mentally just like me....that's why I'm so worried. I've been down some scary paths and almost died a couple times from them. I don't want her to end up the same way. I'm trying to see her every chance I get but she keeps telling her parents to take her home from school. I saw her today and she didn't say one word to me...or anyone else. It killed me seeing her like that. Because when I'm like my minds going crazy just like it is now but when something like what happened to her happens to me I'd add a few more scars to the collection and that's why I'm so concerned. I need her to come out of this, for my sanity and her life. She won't talk to her best friend since pre school...I'm thinking about texting the friend later don't whether its a good idea or not yet. But I know how the story goes I fear her doing what I did. I'd rather her drink it away than cut it away...at least if she drinks it away I can be with her doing the same thing.

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What a fuckin miracle.
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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:25 PM   #14
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

To sum it all up, you're terrified for this girl because she's doing exactly what you've done before? And you don't want her to die? Because you love her?

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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:27 PM   #15
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Originally Posted by PartyPoison789 View Post
To sum it all up, you're terrified for this girl because she's doing exactly what you've done before? And you don't want her to die? Because you love her?
Basically. She's my mental copy. We handle problems exactly the same. I'm afraid for her I love her I don't want her to go away she means so fucking much to me. She brought happiness to me where I couldn't find any. I just want to make sure she's safe and not going back to her old ways

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What a fuckin miracle.
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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:30 PM   #16
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

What do you think is the best thing for her right now, if she's shoving everyone away?

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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:31 PM   #17
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Originally Posted by PartyPoison789 View Post
What do you think is the best thing for her right now, if she's shoving everyone away?
I don't know....I never had anyone try to help when I was like that. When I was like that I wanted someone to help but still told everyone that tried to go fuck themselves....the same way she is. I don't know what the answer is

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What a fuckin miracle.
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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:35 PM   #18
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

If she is the same as you, then she does want someone to help, but she's still pushing away. You know best about her, about what she's going through and about what you've been through.

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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:38 PM   #19
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

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Originally Posted by PartyPoison789 View Post
If she is the same as you, then she does want someone to help, but she's still pushing away. You know best about her, about what she's going through and about what you've been through.
Yeah...I don't like it being that way. That's why I'm worried. That's why I'm going insane. I don't like how this looks and I don't like how this is going but there's nothing I can do. And it fucking kills me. I hate this. I hate feeling like this and it's all my fucking fault....and also I just got told by her dad that she was having chest pains....well this is going down hill fast....I think this belongs in the mental crisis forum now...

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What a fuckin miracle.
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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:46 PM   #20
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Default Re: so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me

Well if the mods think it does they'll move it...

Obviously, she needs help. And the issue is how to get it to her, right?

One thing you could try (I'm no Dr. Phil, just a random voice on the internet.) is writing her a letter explaining how you feel (basically everything you just told me, unless there's things you want to add/leave out). That's one way. Make sure you and her family and therapist are working together on this.

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