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Old January 3rd, 2015, 07:36 AM   #1
lunacorn
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Default Was I raped?

This has been on my mind for so long now, I feel like I just need some sort of answer. My boyfriend at the time (2 years ago) always pushed me to have sex and would get mad if I didn't want to. We had had sex before but I went through a time where I just didn't want to as much. Then one day in his basement he kept trying to get me to sleep with him and I kept saying no. (warning: I'm not sure if this may be graphic to some I tried to leave out details) Then he grabbed me and put me on the ground and started to take my clothes off and he had sex with me. I was crying during it and he didn't notice until after, then he got mad I was crying. He looked down and said I was bleeding because he forced himself so hard. The thing is, I don't really know if this is rape because I told him no a number of times but let him do it anyway. He doesn't even know that I feel this way, he seems to think I just wasn't in the mood but he got me into it which isn't true at all, I just lied there. I'm just not sure if others consider that rape and I'm too scared to say it is in case it isn't "techincally correct". I know it was statuory rape because I was underage at the time and he was older, but... it's hard to explain I just want to know others' perspective on this.
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Old January 3rd, 2015, 07:46 AM   #2
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Default Re: Was I raped?

NO means NO period!! If you told him you didnt want to do it and he continued to FORCE himself on you while the whole time you were telling him NO constitutes rape!! No matter how you look at it or try to justify it, what you just described was a rape and you need to call him on it and let him know how you feel about it. I would also consider dumping his sorry ass because it seems he has no respect for you in any way shape or form. You are better than that and deserve much better for yourself. But like I said, dont let him get away with it. Act NOW!!

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Old January 3rd, 2015, 07:50 AM   #3
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Default Re: Was I raped?

It happened 2 years ago, we broke up a year and a half ago. It feels too late to contact him over it.
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Old January 3rd, 2015, 08:14 AM   #4
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Default Re: Was I raped?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lunacorn View Post
This has been on my mind for so long now, I feel like I just need some sort of answer. My boyfriend at the time (2 years ago) always pushed me to have sex and would get mad if I didn't want to. We had had sex before but I went through a time where I just didn't want to as much. Then one day in his basement he kept trying to get me to sleep with him and I kept saying no. (warning: I'm not sure if this may be graphic to some I tried to leave out details) Then he grabbed me and put me on the ground and started to take my clothes off and he had sex with me. I was crying during it and he didn't notice until after, then he got mad I was crying. He looked down and said I was bleeding because he forced himself so hard. The thing is, I don't really know if this is rape because I told him no a number of times but let him do it anyway. He doesn't even know that I feel this way, he seems to think I just wasn't in the mood but he got me into it which isn't true at all, I just lied there. I'm just not sure if others consider that rape and I'm too scared to say it is in case it isn't "techincally correct". I know it was statuory rape because I was underage at the time and he was older, but... it's hard to explain I just want to know others' perspective on this.
You were definately raped No matter what even if you're with someone if you tell them no and they force you, that's rape.

Does it still hurt thinking about it or do you feel you're over it now? I'd talk to someone about it. If you don't want to say who it was at least talk about that it happened to you.
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Old January 3rd, 2015, 09:07 AM   #5
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Default Re: Was I raped?

If you said no at any time and he went forward with it (which he did) then it is rape.
If you wanted to go as far as a police report I'm pretty sure there is a 10 year maximum waiting time between when it happened, but that's up to you.

If you want closure then you should talk to him about it, to be honest I think it would be disgusting if he tried to deny talking to you about it because it was too long, or for any reason really. What he did was so wrong and if you want to talk or get an apology or whatever, then it's really the least he can do.

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Old January 3rd, 2015, 11:03 AM   #6
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Default Re: Was I raped?

If the sex isn't consensual on both sides then it is classed as rape.


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Old January 3rd, 2015, 11:25 AM   #7
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Default Re: Was I raped?

it was rape . sadly it may have been too long to report him, but it doesn't hurt to look into it. who knows, you may save someone else from being his victim

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Old January 3rd, 2015, 12:06 PM   #8
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Default Re: Was I raped?

It was definitely rape because you said no, and there is plenty of background to support that. However, I don't know if there is any benefit in reporting it at this point, or if the police will even acknowledge it (as sad as that sounds). It's worth a try if it bothers you that much, but maybe you should seek help with a therapist first before going to the police. Yes, you will have to tell your parents, but you will feel much better that you did.


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Old January 3rd, 2015, 12:17 PM   #9
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Default Re: Was I raped?

Sounds like rape to me. I'm sorry you had to go through it

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Old January 3rd, 2015, 12:47 PM   #10
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Default Re: Was I raped?

Lots of people who speak of their sexual abuse say, "well, I don't think it counted as ACTUAL rape..." but there's a very easy way to determine this.
Was there sex? Yes? And did you consent to the sex? No? Then it's rape.
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Old January 3rd, 2015, 09:26 PM   #11
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Yeah that was defiantly rape. No means no.
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Old January 3rd, 2015, 09:59 PM   #12
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Default Re: Was I raped?

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Originally Posted by lunacorn View Post
The thing is, I don't really know if this is rape because I told him no a number of times but let him do it anyways.
This is almost the textbook definition of rape. You didn't let him, he forced you. You told him no, and he should've respected that. I'm assuming this happened awhile back since you say the boyfriend at the time, so you can't really do much about it, but yes, you were in fact raped. Very sorry




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Old January 4th, 2015, 03:47 AM   #13
lunacorn
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Default Re: Was I raped?

Thanks everyone for your posts. I think I just needed to have other people say it to me to fully accept it. I feel that it really is too late to do anything about it (like legal action or talking to him again) but I think I might go talk to a professional just to talk through the situation and cope with it. Once again thanks so much for all of your input.
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Old January 4th, 2015, 10:33 AM   #14
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Default Re: Was I raped?

Hi Lunacorn, so sorry to hear about that. On top of the situation surrounding your age(s) at the time, it all happened without consent and so unfortunately, it does sound like a case of rape.

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Originally Posted by lunacorn View Post
Thanks everyone for your posts. I think I just needed to have other people say it to me to fully accept it. I feel that it really is too late to do anything about it (like legal action or talking to him again) but I think I might go talk to a professional just to talk through the situation and cope with it. Once again thanks so much for all of your input.
It is never too late to seek help or to speak out against it. I have a suspicion that most people here would ask for you to speak up about it - when we do nothing about things like this, that is when we see a problem persist. It is okay if you are unsure about what to do in this regard, but I do think it would be good to speak to someone about it. If you are unsure, when you speak to the professional (be it your doctor, psychologist, counsellor, etc.) perhaps you can ask for their advice about this also at that time.

Hope that helps and once again, sorry to hear about what has happened.
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Old January 4th, 2015, 11:05 AM   #15
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Default Re: Was I raped?

Like everyone said. It was rape and when you said no it was against your wishes. Now if you report it, it be your word against his word.
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Old January 4th, 2015, 04:01 PM   #16
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Default Re: Was I raped?

This sounds like it was rape I get annoyed with the law sometimes because tbh the legal time gap (like in which you can report a rape) should be thrown out the window because abuse is abuse and it shouldn't matter when it happened, as long as it's reported. you should tell someone though. It's not your fault, he's the one who's at fault and he's a horrible person.



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Old January 6th, 2015, 06:09 PM   #17
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Yes, you were definitely raped.
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Old January 8th, 2015, 12:18 AM   #18
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Default Re: Was I raped?

thats horrible 'o' it was rape if you said no and forced you in the future i recomend a baseball bat
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Old January 8th, 2015, 12:25 AM   #19
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Default Re: Was I raped?

Sadly, this was rape. You told him no and he did it anyways. I'm sorry you had to go through something as terrible as that.

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Old January 11th, 2015, 08:47 AM   #20
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Default Re: Was I raped?

Honey, if you said no then you said no - which means it is rape. Sex must be consensual between both partners, not just one. I know it was a long time ago but if it's still bothering you now, you should do something about it.
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