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Old October 27th, 2015, 04:41 PM   #1
Mynick
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Default Advice, please....

Not sure where this belongs, if it's in the wrong sub by all means, please move it.

I've always had self-esteem issues and back in the eleven grade I started to cut myself and tried to commit suicide.
I hate that I'm not smart enough
I hate that i'm falling university
I hate how I look.
I hate how I can't feel any warm feeling towards my mom, or if I do i can't express it. Speaking about that, being besides my mom annoys me, her touching me (in a kind way, not anything sexual) annoys me, speaking to her annoys me and I don't have any reason why.
Last week I've had a panic attack in front of her, she fucking hugged me and didn't let me run. I just wanted to go away, run somewhere, she was letting me go. I told her I wanted to die and she told me she would let me commit suicide if she did it to. Obviously, I told her no. HOW DOES SHE DARE TO TAKE THIS FROM ME?! It's my pain, my fault, my everything, not ours, not hers.
I started to cut again after this, it's the only way I can cope with it all.

I know I need to seek professional help and I've had. The problem my psychologist wants to put me on meds and I kinda fear that...Also, my mom keeps asking how I am doing all the time and how's university going and take just makes everything worst.

The only thing keeping me from doing it is some girl I've met, that has been through the same and when I'm with her everything goes away. The problem is I don't want to bother her,

Any piece of advice? Please
One important question, at the end of each session my psychologist always asks if he needs to worry about me killing myself, what happens if I tell him yes? Because I think that's going to be the answer...

We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?
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Old October 28th, 2015, 05:15 AM   #2
Blue02
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Default Re: Advice, please....

I'm by no means an expert, so I can't tell you how effective this advice will be, but I hope this helps!
Talk on here. It's cliché but it works. I've never had it as bad as you have but I've been low, and although it took me time, it helped knowing I could come on here and let loose. Now, personally, in your situation I would try to tell your mother to 'back off' if you will - I know it isn't that easy, but please just try. I have no clue on how to try to change your outlook on life, but if her embrace makes you feel worse, tell her verbally or indirectly. But don't push everyone away, believe me when I say, it will be a mistake.
Being scared of taking medication is a totally normal reaction, and I don't think anyone but yourself can make you want to take them. But think of it this way, you're feeling scared which means that you're fighting back and not letting it win.
I hope this helps you! And remember, you aren't alone in your fight. =)
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Old October 28th, 2015, 08:21 AM   #3
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Default Re: Advice, please....

I really recommend you do go on medication. Most of the time it does help out and has been helping me out. I know it is scary and daunting but I think it is a good option. You've got to try every option to get better, I know a lot of them can be frightening but sometimes going out of your comfort zone can be necessary.


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Old October 28th, 2015, 06:43 PM   #4
Mynick
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Default Re: Advice, please....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue02 View Post
I'm by no means an expert, so I can't tell you how effective this advice will be, but I hope this helps!
Talk on here. It's cliché but it works. I've never had it as bad as you have but I've been low, and although it took me time, it helped knowing I could come on here and let loose. Now, personally, in your situation I would try to tell your mother to 'back off' if you will - I know it isn't that easy, but please just try. I have no clue on how to try to change your outlook on life, but if her embrace makes you feel worse, tell her verbally or indirectly. But don't push everyone away, believe me when I say, it will be a mistake.
Being scared of taking medication is a totally normal reaction, and I don't think anyone but yourself can make you want to take them. But think of it this way, you're feeling scared which means that you're fighting back and not letting it win.
I hope this helps you! And remember, you aren't alone in your fight. =)
I can't, it's so damn scary. I can't speak about this with her, i just freeze...
Never thought about that in that way, that pretty interesting. Food for thought.
Thank you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abhorrence View Post
I really recommend you do go on medication. Most of the time it does help out and has been helping me out. I know it is scary and daunting but I think it is a good option. You've got to try every option to get better, I know a lot of them can be frightening but sometimes going out of your comfort zone can be necessary.
What if the side effects don't pay off?

We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?
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Old November 20th, 2015, 05:19 PM   #5
Mynick
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Default Re: Advice, please....

Update: This (counselling) has improved my life by 0%, still not taking any meds, still want to kill myself.

We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?
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Old November 20th, 2015, 05:26 PM   #6
Miserabilia
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Default Re: Advice, please....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mynick View Post
Update: This (counselling) has improved my life by 0%, still not taking any meds, still want to kill myself.
Hey...
that sucks man

sadly just writing some words here can't fix something like this..
We can message if you want.
I really don't have advice, because I can't easily explain how I crawled out of that shit myself..

shout at the world because the world doesn't love you

lower yourself because you know that you have to.
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Old November 21st, 2015, 11:22 AM   #7
Just JT
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Default Re: Advice, please....

Counseling is only one component of getting better, and that's guna take time, and you being completly open and honest ok?

I agree with the other posters, meds are important, and are also a component of getting better

Some meds, like counseling, take time to take effect. You need to balance the good and bad of meds as it relates to you

If you hate all these things in your life, maybe trying some meds will relieve some of that anxiety enough to be able to get more out of counseling
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Old November 28th, 2015, 10:57 PM   #8
angelina
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Default Re: Advice, please....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mynick View Post
I've always had self-esteem issues and back in the eleven grade I started to cut myself and tried to commit suicide.
I hate that I'm not smart enough
I hate that i'm falling university
I hate how I look.
I hate how I can't feel any warm feeling towards my mom, or if I do i can't express it. Speaking about that, being besides my mom annoys me, her touching me (in a kind way, not anything sexual) annoys me, speaking to her annoys me and I don't have any reason why.
Last week I've had a panic attack in front of her, she fucking hugged me and didn't let me run.
it is all because of lack of self confidence...which is required for success in any field..try to develop this..why can't you be patient enough to discuss with your mom as she did all in kind way as you said..
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