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Old June 15th, 2014, 02:39 AM   #1
Karkat
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Exclamation Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

I almost feel like I should get it over with so you'll stop having to hear these stupid, self-absorbed posts.

I read an article tonight on how angry people commit violent crime

How violent people become killers

How this sweet little old woman was driven to STAB someone because she was angry over him over a relatively mild thing

And I got to thinking "Oh god, this is where I'm headed". I watched a video on Upworthy once about domestic violence, and I was so paranoid through it all, thinking "I'm going to hurt and kill my boyfriend" or "my boyfriend is going to hurt and kill me"

I know we OCD people can have obsessive violent thoughts, and that we're the LEAST likely to act out on them, but I'm a very angry person! I can get vicious, violent when I'm angry! I need to end this before I end up hurting someone! I feel like the more and more my life goes on, I keep finding terrifying, logical, very convincing reasons to kill myself, and this one just takes the cake for me, because if I ever hurt anyone, I'd have to kill myself. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt and pain. I might as well get it over with and spare whichever poor soul crosses me at the wrong time.

I'm sorry guys. I don't know what else to do. I'm so scared.


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Old June 15th, 2014, 02:59 AM   #2
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

First of all, don't be sorry for posting this, because we are here to help you. Please don't end your life, that would only hurt everyone who cares about you. I suggest you should see a doctor about this, he/she may be able to help you more then me. But please don't say you're going to end it, it's not worth it, trust me. I'm sure everything will be allright and it's good of you you made a post here to get help. I really hope you'll be fine. Please remember that everyone here is there for you, and that we will help.

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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:03 AM   #3
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
First of all, don't be sorry for posting this, because we are here to help you. Please don't end your life, that would only hurt everyone who cares about you. I suggest you should see a doctor about this, he/she may be able to help you more then me. But please don't say you're going to end it, it's not worth it, trust me. I'm sure everything will be allright and it's good of you you made a post here to get help. I really hope you'll be fine. Please remember that everyone here is there for you, and that we will help.
I can't see a doctor though, what if it's too late? We're trying to set me up with a psychiatrist, but that will take months here. Even then, I can't admit to these feelings. I can't get the help I need without being institutionalized, and that can't happen.

I just don't understand why everything keeps pointing to "Go kill yourself" if I'm meant to live.


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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:12 AM   #4
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

There is always hope, I'm sure you can and will tell the psychiatrist everything, you'll have to. We are all there for you to help, I want you to remember that. We will keep on supporting you whenever you need it. I really hope you'll be fine, I really do. I have been there, and suicide doesn't solve anything. Trust me.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:16 AM   #5
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

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Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
There is always hope, I'm sure you can and will tell the psychiatrist everything, you'll have to. We are all there for you to help, I want you to remember that. We will keep on supporting you whenever you need it. I really hope you'll be fine, I really do. I have been there, and suicide doesn't solve anything. Trust me.
I've survived many suicide attempts as well as other things I shouldn't've survived, but I can't sleep at night knowing I could just snap and do god knows what out of nowhere

I can't live with myself


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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:22 AM   #6
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Look, I know it's hard to believe right now but allot of people care about you, we don't wanna loose you, I barely even know you and I'm already sure you're an awesome person and a great friend. Please believe this, because it's true. Suicide is never the answer, and it never will be. Please, just believe me when I say that people do care about you, and that you can't do this.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
-Marilyn Manson

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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:37 AM   #7
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

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Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
Look, I know it's hard to believe right now but allot of people care about you, we don't wanna loose you, I barely even know you and I'm already sure you're an awesome person and a great friend. Please believe this, because it's true. Suicide is never the answer, and it never will be. Please, just believe me when I say that people do care about you, and that you can't do this.
You're right, I am literally physically incapable of doing this. I'm still alive after all these attempts, why on earth do I always think the next time is going to be different?


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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:39 AM   #8
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

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You're right, I am literally physically incapable of doing this. I'm still alive after all these attempts, why on earth do I always think the next time is going to be different?
Can you please make me a promise? One that means allot to me. Can you go to the no suicide pledge thread and sign it? It would mean allot to me, and I hope you'll feel better and keep up to that promise. Nobody here wanst to loose you, nor do I.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:47 AM   #9
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

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Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
Can you please make me a promise? One that means allot to me. Can you go to the no suicide pledge thread and sign it? It would mean allot to me, and I hope you'll feel better and keep up to that promise. Nobody here wanst to loose you, nor do I.
Honestly, I've seen that thread ever since I've been a member of this site, and I've avoided it like the plague. Regardless of if I actually die, I know I'll attempt again, and if I attempt and live, my inclusion to that list will be just another thing to bring me down


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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:50 AM   #10
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Look, if you won't post on it, okay. But you need to stop your suicide attempts, please. It only makes things worse, so you have to stop that.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
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Old June 15th, 2014, 03:52 AM   #11
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

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Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
Look, if you won't post on it, okay. But you need to stop your suicide attempts, please. It only makes things worse, so you have to stop that.
I honestly don't know how much I've got left as it is. My life is at an all-time low, and it can only get worse.


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Old June 15th, 2014, 04:09 AM   #12
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

It will get better, and I'm sure of that, you just need to believe in yourself. Don't try suicide, it will only make things worse. Go for a jog, lay down with some relaxing music. Just try anything so you put your thoughts somewhere else.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
-Marilyn Manson

Android? We can't be friends sorry!!!!!
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Old June 15th, 2014, 04:17 AM   #13
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

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Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
It will get better, and I'm sure of that, you just need to believe in yourself. Don't try suicide, it will only make things worse. Go for a jog, lay down with some relaxing music. Just try anything so you put your thoughts somewhere else.
The only way my life could get better right now is if I had some cigarettes, a few drinks.


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Old June 15th, 2014, 04:19 AM   #14
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

No, that is a very bad thing to do. Look, you need to get your thoughts somewhere else in a healthy way, not by smoking or drinking, those 2 are bad things to do. You really need to get your thoughts somewhere else right now. Especially away from your suicidal thoughts, even if it's temporarily, you should think about other stuff for now. Everyone here is there for you, and nobody wants anything to happen to you. So just try to relax a bit, watch a movie, read a book, just do something healthy wich will get rid of those bad thoughts for a while, that is all the advice I have for you right now.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
-Marilyn Manson

Android? We can't be friends sorry!!!!!
-Proof Bob is a peasant

~Richelle was here~

Last edited by Periphery; June 15th, 2014 at 04:31 AM.
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Old June 15th, 2014, 06:28 AM   #15
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WisenUpJanetWeiss View Post
The only way my life could get better right now is if I had some cigarettes, a few drinks.
No! Cigarettes and drinks can only delay the depression besides drinking is only gonna cause you more worry and guilt afterwards. What you need to do is deal with life and take the steering wheel back into your hands.

I know you are an awesome photographer. Take your camera and get outside to take some snaps. The world is full of interesting things which lie unnoticed. Try to find them. Try to capture them with your lens.

Laugh as hard as you can and keep laughing until your eyes water up and your stomach hurts.

I just came to know you're an awesome singer as well. Sing songs you like or those you find ridiculous or the ones which make you double up in laughter and post them here!

As marb121 said we are all here for you. Talk to us and feel free to PM me any time.



Kudos to The Riddler(Siobhan) for creating the awesome signature!

Last edited by Hudor; June 15th, 2014 at 08:19 AM. Reason: some additions
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Old June 15th, 2014, 08:16 PM   #16
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
No, that is a very bad thing to do. Look, you need to get your thoughts somewhere else in a healthy way, not by smoking or drinking, those 2 are bad things to do. You really need to get your thoughts somewhere else right now. Especially away from your suicidal thoughts, even if it's temporarily, you should think about other stuff for now. Everyone here is there for you, and nobody wants anything to happen to you. So just try to relax a bit, watch a movie, read a book, just do something healthy wich will get rid of those bad thoughts for a while, that is all the advice I have for you right now.
It's not like I haven't already messed up my body enough.

I'm pretty much not permitted to relax. My parents like making sure that they can provide the most stressful environment possible, my friends are all mad at me, and I've been struggling with severe anxiety the last few days. I'm just hopeless.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Placid Pan View Post
No! Cigarettes and drinks can only delay the depression besides drinking is only gonna cause you more worry and guilt afterwards. What you need to do is deal with life and take the steering wheel back into your hands.

I know you are an awesome photographer. Take your camera and get outside to take some snaps. The world is full of interesting things which lie unnoticed. Try to find them. Try to capture them with your lens.

Laugh as hard as you can and keep laughing until your eyes water up and your stomach hurts.

I just came to know you're an awesome singer as well. Sing songs you like or those you find ridiculous or the ones which make you double up in laughter and post them here!

As marb121 said we are all here for you. Talk to us and feel free to PM me any time.
Oh I'm practically done feeling guilty. I just want booze again. I'm turning back into my old self, but instead of hating it, I've just stopped caring.

I'm pretty much trapped in my house, so photography is not a likely option, and as far as singing goes, I'm getting to the point where I can't watch past videos without getting extremely aggravated. My voice is so shrill and nasal and irritating. It's like nails on a chalkboard.


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Old June 16th, 2014, 12:21 AM   #17
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Look, there is a reason I have commented to much on this, to help you. To save you. We are all there for you on VT, you can't PM me (100 post thingy) but you can PM other people like Placid Pan. Every single one of us here wants to help, and nobody wants to loose you. You gotta be strong, stronger than you've ever been before. And you'll see, everything will be alright. Just be strong, for your own health and safety, and for us, for all of us.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
-Marilyn Manson

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Old June 16th, 2014, 12:34 AM   #18
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Ren, you can't think that bull.

Feelings come and go, you can't let them take control of you.

I don't want to be harsh, (but sometimes some harshness is necessary) but suicide seems so cowardly. Why would you want to cause your family and friends so much grieif just because you are having a tough time. You have to keep fighting, never quit.

....Just, please reach out to someone, anyone. Let them talk to you and tell you why you are so important.

Horatio Nelson

"All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. 19*Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20*Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen."
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Old June 16th, 2014, 01:10 AM   #19
Karkat
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
Look, there is a reason I have commented to much on this, to help you. To save you. We are all there for you on VT, you can't PM me (100 post thingy) but you can PM other people like Placid Pan. Every single one of us here wants to help, and nobody wants to loose you. You gotta be strong, stronger than you've ever been before. And you'll see, everything will be alright. Just be strong, for your own health and safety, and for us, for all of us.
I just feel out of control of my life. It's like life keeps holding me down and kicking me in the face, and the only thing I can do is take it. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Prelate View Post
Ren, you can't think that bull.

Feelings come and go, you can't let them take control of you.

I don't want to be harsh, (but sometimes some harshness is necessary) but suicide seems so cowardly. Why would you want to cause your family and friends so much grieif just because you are having a tough time. You have to keep fighting, never quit.

....Just, please reach out to someone, anyone. Let them talk to you and tell you why you are so important.
Honestly? Most of my friends and family don't care that much about me anymore, and the ones that do I'd rather stop hurting. I know that it's cowardly, I know that it's selfish, but honestly, the only place I have in life at the moment is to not devastate a few people by not dying, to do a measly amount of housework to keep my parents appeased, to go through the motions of being a significant other.

I'm not even living for myself anymore. There's nothing for me in life to live for.


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Old June 16th, 2014, 01:19 AM   #20
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Default Re: Wow, I just, I can't do it anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WisenUpJanetWeiss View Post
Honestly? Most of my friends and family don't care that much about me anymore, and the ones that do I'd rather stop hurting. I know that it's cowardly, I know that it's selfish, but honestly, the only place I have in life at the moment is to not devastate a few people by not dying, to do a measly amount of housework to keep my parents appeased, to go through the motions of being a significant other.

I'm not even living for myself anymore. There's nothing for me in life to live for.
Okay, okay.

You can't be serious about having nothing to live for. Not even something small and insignificant like feeling the warm sun everyday?

Wouldn't you miss that?

You just have to dig deep and trudge through until the metaphorical storm passes.

Horatio Nelson

"All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. 19*Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20*Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen."
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