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Old February 28th, 2018, 01:16 AM   #1
RavenTheGoddess
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Name: Raven
Join Date: December 28, 2016
Location: Just some small southern town
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Angry i dont know whats wrong with me

Lately, I've been extremely angry for what seems like no reason at all, and whenever I'm angry, my mind defaults to violent and homicidal thoughts usually involving myself and someone who has done wrong to me in the past. I've googled this topic and nothing seems to quite cover what exactly I'm feeling. On every post I've seen, people don't want these violent thoughts but the problem with me is that I enjoy these thoughts. Something about them makes me feel this weird combination of happy and angry at the same time, and unlike most people who know they wouldn't act out these thoughts, I'm not so sure about myself anymore. Whenever I have these thoughts, I'll often notice myself smiling.

I've also noticed myself becoming extremely irritable at my own mistakes to which I then give up whatever it was I was doing. Normally I'm quite the pacifist, but lately it feels like I keep switching between two parts of myself but not in the same way people with dissociative identity disorder do. These "episodes usually happen when something irritates me, and shortly after (usually seconds) it just turns into pure anger, and I try my best to conceal it but it sometimes doesn't work, especially when one of my dogs barks when I'm in the middle of something or when someone says something I don't like, something that I normally wouldn't really care about. I've been like this for three months and normally I wouldn't be easily angered as often but it's been getting more and more frequent to the point that it's almost every day that I get unreasonably angry at something I shouldn't.

In case anyone needs to know, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression (I've been taking medication for my depression for over a year now so I know that's not the cause of my anger. I've heard some antidepressants can cause this, no idea if it's true or not.) Unfortunately for me, it'll be yet another month until I can talk to my doctor who isn't even a therapist, he's just a regular family doctor. I'm pretty sure there aren't any therapists close to me that I can just go to that'll be able to cover this issue and another specific issue that's unrelated to this one.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what could be the problem?

The meaning of life is like the number zero... empty, yet holding infinite potential within itself.
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Old February 28th, 2018, 01:47 AM   #2
Uniquemind
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Default Re: i dont know whats wrong with me

It’s possibly a side effect of the drugs you are taking.

This seems to require professional help and I think you need to find a therapist somewhere even if remotely like a phone hotline.

It isn’t like dissociative identity disorder, what you’re describing sounds more like a mood disorder.
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Old February 28th, 2018, 02:31 AM   #3
RavenTheGoddess
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Name: Raven
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Default Re: i dont know whats wrong with me

I'll be sure to let my doctor know about it, odds are he'll probably just increase the dosage.

Quote:
It isn’t like dissociative identity disorder, what you’re describing sounds more like a mood disorder.
Yeah, I had a feeling, hence why I said "but not in the same way people with dissociative identity disorder do." I know it's not the same thing, my guess is possibly bipolar disorder or probably one of my already existing problems. I don't think it's bpd though since this has only been going on for three months; I'm not sure if people can just randomly develop bpd or if they've had it their whole lives. Anyway, like I said, I'll get it checked out.

The meaning of life is like the number zero... empty, yet holding infinite potential within itself.
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Old March 2nd, 2018, 08:04 PM   #4
OleanaKuhlin
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Default Re: i dont know whats wrong with me

What medications are you on? If they are noradrenergic like SNRIs - for example Venlafaxine or stimulants like Concerta, Adderall and Vyvanse it could aggrivate agression. Those kind of medication generally has the listed side effect of "anxiety" but "anxiety" is just introverted "agression". It's all part of the same fight or flight adrenergic mechanism.

It could also be something you are unhappy with in your life that you "take out" on smaller matters.

There are medications for managing agression but those are nasty ones just intended to keep hospitalized mentally ill people "managable" like haloperiodol with horrible side effects.

If you are on stimulants, try to go off stimulants for a while. Not all ADD/ADHD people benefit from stimulants.
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