Virtual Teen Forums
 

Go Back   Virtual Teen Forums > >
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read Chat Room

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old February 6th, 2018, 05:13 PM   #1
JustMyHumbleOpinion
Junior Member+
 
Name: Joshua
Join Date: January 26, 2018
Location: London
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 2
Default How to help people in the closet/denial?

So i've been on and off with this guy for like 8 months now, though i ended it around winter as i found it really hard to deal with him being in the closet.

He only really has told me about sexuality and stuff in our school.
He's told me he got like bullied (and maybe worse) for coming out at his old school so i do feel really sorry for him.

Anyway recently he's kinda shut himself off in denial with his friends and stuff, which means sometimes he's kinda hostile to me when he is with his mates, and when we're alone he's like a lovesick puppy to me.

Honestly i have no clue what to do, like even his friends at this point know about his sexuality (they have caught us when we're alone) though he still constantly denies everything.

My other friend (who's Bi) advised me to just let him be, though i care about this guy so much its hard not to try and help

Any advice guys would be appreciated
JustMyHumbleOpinion is offline   Reply With Quote
Old February 6th, 2018, 09:54 PM   #2
jamie_n5
VT Lover
 
jamie_n5's Forum Picture
 
Name: Jamie
Join Date: June 27, 2016
Location: Minnesota
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: How to help people in the closet/denial?

Well there is really no need for anyone to come out until they are ready. It can cause family and school problems sometimes. I think you should just be his friend and support him.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
Likes: (3)
jamie_n5 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old February 7th, 2018, 10:00 AM   #3
azurzg
Member++
 
azurzg's Forum Picture
 
Name: Azur
Join Date: April 5, 2017
Location: Europe
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Default Re: How to help people in the closet/denial?

TWO THINGS:

1) Never ever put up with people who are hostile with you! People should treat you kindly!

2) Everyone should come out on their own term and in their own time. You can support them, but do not force them.
Likes: (1)
azurzg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old February 7th, 2018, 02:44 PM   #4
ska8er
VT Lover
 
ska8er's Forum Picture
 
Name: Andy
Join Date: August 23, 2013
Location: Pennsylvania USA
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Default Re: How to help people in the closet/denial?

I always advise that anyone should not come
out unless they know for a fact that their family
or friends will b able to handle the news. If he
is hostel to u-u should tell him that if he wants
to continue to b friends he will have to treat u
better. Tell him u support him and will listen if
he has any questions but treating u badly when
he is with his mates is like bullying. He cant have
it two ways-liking u or putting u down. B his friend
but if the put downs continue tell him its over.
Likes: (1)
ska8er is offline   Reply With Quote
Old February 7th, 2018, 04:27 PM   #5
JustMyHumbleOpinion
Junior Member+
 
Name: Joshua
Join Date: January 26, 2018
Location: London
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: How to help people in the closet/denial?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jamie_n5 View Post
Well there is really no need for anyone to come out until they are ready. It can cause family and school problems sometimes. I think you should just be his friend and support him.
I wanna support him though he kinda pushes me away completely when ever i try to talk to him directly heart-to-heart about sexuality and stuff.

Yeah i know its no easy business coming out and this guy has it rough, like insanely rough. though i kinda can't cope with his hostility to me.

Sometimes he even ridicules me about my sexuality randomly too when he is with his mates, but then i'll be alone with him and he'll be all over me planning our wedding day like holy sh**

I think after reading all the replies i'll try my best to be a friend to him though i'm gonna confront him on how he can't just switch from hostile homophobe to loverboy in seconds to me.
JustMyHumbleOpinion is offline   Reply With Quote
Old February 7th, 2018, 04:40 PM   #6
jamie_n5
VT Lover
 
jamie_n5's Forum Picture
 
Name: Jamie
Join Date: June 27, 2016
Location: Minnesota
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: How to help people in the closet/denial?

Well if you want to stay his friend then have a talk with him and tell him to lay off the hostility and rude comments. It's just better if he keeps his moth shut instead of making homophobic remarks. If you would like to be his BF then tell him that and tell him you would be discreet about your relationship until he is ready to come out. Some guys never come out openly. I told my family when I was 15 and they flipped and were very mean to me about it. They finally accepted me for me. My BF and I came out to everyone in our high school senior year and went to prom together as a couple for the first time. Just keep supporting your friend and don't take his shit anymore. Stand up for yourself and lay out the rules to him. If doesn't like them tell him you are all through with him.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
jamie_n5 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old February 10th, 2018, 06:46 PM   #7
SilverSM
Member+
 
SilverSM's Forum Picture
 
Name: Israel
Join Date: August 31, 2014
Location: PA,USA
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Default Re: How to help people in the closet/denial?

Man if he's being hostile then drop him.
You've been supportive of him and he treats you like crap, he has no obligations nor the right to act that way even if he is in denial.
But that doesn't mean you should do anything in retaliation either, let him come out on his own terms. You've supported him long enough and it's time to let him go his own way. You can keep on supporting him if you want too but thats just my opinion

16 yr old Mexican, bisexual, happy to make new friends
I like running, soccer, video games, reading, listening to music, and watching Netflix.
SilverSM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old February 12th, 2018, 03:34 PM   #8
JustMyHumbleOpinion
Junior Member+
 
Name: Joshua
Join Date: January 26, 2018
Location: London
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: How to help people in the closet/denial?

Update:
Me and him have generally sorted things out.
I luckily had a chat with him in private the other day and told him that i'll support him and be his mate (or more) as long as stops being a di** to me when he is with his mates.

Ever since its been pretty smooth sailing and he's dropped all the hostility crap.
We're also back together now though we agreed to do things in private.
cheers guys for your advice.
JustMyHumbleOpinion is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright©2000 - 2018
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2018, VirtualTeen.org