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Old January 24th, 2018, 02:55 AM   #1
BrokenArt
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Default We both ignore each other because we think the other ignores?

So this is going to be long please bear with me, I've never been so confused all my life >_>


There is a girl , let's call her X.
Some background :

We are in the same university.
She had a crush on me since 6 months or probably more .

I started liking her since past few months.
I'm kind of introverted when opening up to new people.
She is shy af.
We both are quite above average at academics and pursuing the same major.

I've been in a relationship , but my girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me , so yeah :/ I've become quite hesitant and mature at this stuff I believe.
She had previous bad experiences as well ( I heard probably 2 boyfriends but it didn't last much)

TLDR : She had a crush on me , so did I but didn't tell each other . Both are very very shy so I never bothered to approach her even after she asked for it. Led on to me ignoring her to avoid awkwardness after which I just told her over text I kind of like her and she rejects me ( clearly lying for some reason ) pushing me away , as a result of which she then got hurt and started ignoring me too. Coincidently we get into the same internship and now I've to see her everyday for 2 months , and possibly for quite some years if we get job offers ( which is 99% likely ).
Not sure what to do here , but she now only texts me for job related stuff and work she needs help with and Completely ignores me in person.
I did the same to her but it was not intentional , only out of shyness because I liked her.
What do i do?? please help.

So it all started with eye contacts and all and then like she used to give me long stares .
It became pretty obvious to me that she liked me , I could see her blush and all.
And how do I confirm it? you know the looks her best friends gave me , it said it all.

So she sends be a friend request on fb for start.
Later on we started texting each other quite often , but it was like 70% I would initiate the talk and it kind of led on.
She asked to meet once and then we went for a walk and stuff ( I found this quite romantic on her part to ask a new guy at first but I was proven wrong not much later).
but later I get to know she'd be talking walks with other guys quite often and when I'd ask her she'd find an excuse of being busy or just read my texts the other day ( which makes me quite mad ).

But one thing I dislike is slow texters and one's who purposely ignore you idk for some reason.
So she is one of these and whenever our topic of conversation concerned her problems she would reply quick , otherwise it'd take like 10 mins or sometimes hours for every reply ( which I find stupid when you're talking to someone ) .Only possible reason being she's up with many other guys , but that didn't seem like the case or well too busy to even talk? Not by the looks of her glued to that phone 24x7!

Fast forward through our semester of these meetings.
I'd never talk to her during classes and near everyone else , we behaved like strangers. Well It's hard for me to open up as I said , and so did she I guess. But we texted sometimes. She wishes me this big message on my birthday telling me that I'm very sweet and she wants to know me better. So there's a tradition of writing letters once an year in our college and she wrote me one telling me that she'd like to talk to me and she wants to know me better.

So I clearly know she's into me .
But this is where all goes wrong , I never talked to her.
I'd be constantly ignoring her and going blank whenever I saw her that it went awkward although deep inside I was wishing I initiated a talk whenever I saw her. Maybe I was an idiot for expecting her to make the first move .
Then coincidently we get internship offers at the same place for 2 months (potential full time job ).
Some time after that I tell her on text that I kind of like her and don't talk to her , so I asked her if she thought I was ignoring her.
But she took me seriously and then started acting sorry for me as if she never liked me. Showed me sympathy and stuff that "I don't want to hurt you , but don't expect anything more" . Who would say that to his/her crush??

I don't know but I'm pretty sure she lied for some reason I'm not sure of.
To this day her eyes tell something different as if she didn't want it to turn out like this , even though she said no.

I've been confused ever since.
She made a big deal out of nothing , I said it's fine and stuff but deep down I felt baddddd. Didn't ever show it to her but I was hurt. She'd act hurt and stuff , but never cared for my feelings.
Anyway,
The gleam in her eyes gradually disappeared and she probably stopped liking me.

We texted sometimes , but mostly I was the one initiating 90%. I saw her roaming with other guys late into the night which made me feel worse and stop texting her further. After that I never saw any text from her , which she sometimes would send after a long break of messaging between us.

Fast forward :

I think I've fallen out of love for her , but believe me , we have such a great chemistry that we both know that , but whatever , she started ignoring me too lately.
Like avoiding eye contacts and stuff. But she'd text me quite often regarding the internship work and other stuff she needs help with.
I feel like I'm just being used for that. She'd behave as everything is normal , but we both know it's not.
It's our last sem on the campus and we'd probably become colleagues after that , I'm not sure how'll it go when I have to see her everyday of my life and probably live around.

Some upcoming stuff :

She owes me a dinner from a bet before , but I'm not sure if that is gonna happen. I'd treated her to a pizza place previous semester before we stopped talking , so I guess the call is on her side.
Her Birthday is in March and I'm not sure what to do. We stopped talking because I ignored her first for I felt bad that she lied to me without admitting it and she started playing as the victim , then she started ignoring me as if she was expecting me to approach her even after that. I don't feel like texting her , nor do I think I'm into her too much , but I feel I'd like a closure and out of this misunderstandings , but afraid to ask because she'd make a deal out of her and she'd probably make a mess because she'd have to hide her lies.
I don't wanna be upfront with her because she'll just burst out and probably never talk to me again , and I wouldn't want that since I'm stuck with her for quite some time. I hoped she'd come to me and tell me why'd she behaves like this , but she wouldn't even agree that she lied I believe.


I'd asked for her to meet and she'd always make some excuse or other to avoid me (busy , stuck with work , etc ).
But honestly , I saw her hanging around quite a bit with other people.
Someone in her family had passed away so I'd try to comfort her and help her with stuff.
She then invited me for a talk before the end of last semester and it was all cool. ( The thing is we've talked alot to each other but only in private meetings , in public it has been always awkward to the point ( 6 months ) that we both have given up for different reasons ).

How should I handle this? Although I feel the problem is she being dishonest , is there something I'm missing ? I really hope we could be good friends as she hoped in that letter which she sent me before , but seeing her ignore me makes me feel guilty about myself.
I'd been shy , maybe too shy , but she mistook it for ignorance.

Anyway , I decided to let go of my ego and
I'd asked her to meet up and she replied that she hardly has time and what not and told me she'll let me know when she gets time ( This happened a couple months before and at that time she never cared to ask me back , of course ).
She rejects to hang out with a mutual group when I was in too , saying she fell ill the night before and then goes for an outing the very next day with different people, isn't that supposed to be fishy?

It would appear as if she's hooking with someone else , but it's not the case I can assure , she's the slow-builder types , just like me.

Should I ask her why is she ignoring me? that might shake things a bit though , or wait for her to reply and talk it out in person?
Idk I'm sorry for this long post , but I had to let it out.
I'm really confused , I like her , she probably is one of the nicest persons I've met and she felt the same about me . But few misunderstandings led to ego problems between us I feel and she refuses to talk to me in person and only formal when texting. I'd say no matter how bad I get hurt , I never stop helping people in hard times so I kind of give in.
I should probably move on and ignore her as it is , but don't think it's supposed to be like this , also we hardly have any time left together before we graduate ( Last semester before the internship begins ).
Looking for some help! Thanks
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Old January 24th, 2018, 09:51 AM   #2
lliam
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Default Re: We both ignore each other because we think the other ignores?

in short-short: just talk to her in person.





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Old January 26th, 2018, 09:05 PM   #3
jamie_n5
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Default Re: We both ignore each other because we think the other ignores?

Be the strong one and talk to her and break the ice. Ask her if everything is still good between you. Have a good long talk.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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Old January 27th, 2018, 05:36 AM   #4
BrokenArt
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Default Re: We both ignore each other because we think the other ignores?

Thanks for reading.
Yeah I asked her to meet since she'd just take too long to reply to my texts, she agrees but then she doesn't reply and forgets about it and feels sorry the other day. Honestly this pisses me off so much because she clearly lies.

Anyway so I ask her for another day and she said she'll tell me when free. I'm expecting no reply again, but I'll try to talk in person and clear things up to why is she ignoring me. Its very clear to me she's hiding her feelings for nothing, I hope I can do something about it.
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Old January 27th, 2018, 06:22 AM   #5
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Default Re: We both ignore each other because we think the other ignores?

Don't go blaming her or anything, or come at her in an accusatory way to vent frustration. But be assertive and give off a sense of confidence in communicating what you want emotionally.

Shy and shy personalities tend to repel each other, and one has to be able to build that line of communication which pulls the two of you together.


Also it's entirely possible she is hooked up casually with others in her own way of exploring her individuality; you need to be okay with that.
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Old January 28th, 2018, 03:19 AM   #6
BrokenArt
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Default Re: We both ignore each other because we think the other ignores?

Okay so I'm still waiting for her to text although it seems stupid since she's never initiated a talk since a month.

I have some facts which I'm using try to figure out why is she behaving this way?
It's clear she fell for me and then denied that after I'd asked her.
Now she's trying to play ignorant and completely avoids me in person and over text she never cares to text back.
But I've caught her multiple times staring at me (don't ask how) as when you like someone, but she'd then quickly turn away as if she didn't notice me.

I'm sure she's trying to keep away from me by saving her the hurt if I get to know that she lied, which I already do. She plays very innocent over text.

Not sure what I should do, or tell her when we next meet (possible last time we'll be talking) because I can't take more of her lies just wastes my time on her but at the same time I feel she clearly misunderstands me and we could be great friends if she starts being upfront about her feelings.
Confused on how to proceed
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Old February 1st, 2018, 11:09 AM   #7
BrokenArt
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Default Re: We both ignore each other because we think the other ignores?

Agreed to that. But what do you do if she behaves in person as if she wanted to talk but then ignores totally at other times.
I'm trying to get her to a talk but she's just coming up with excuses .

I know she's hurt because I probably should have talked to her in person before , but then again she's been ignoring my texts and taking days to respond.

What should I do? It's her birthday in a month and I'm pretty sure I don't want us to stay stupid like this .

Last edited by BrokenArt; February 1st, 2018 at 11:45 AM.
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