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Old December 16th, 2017, 10:47 PM   #1
Dalcourt
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Default I don't understand what's wrong

I have no idea whether what I am going to say makes any sense at all but for a couple of months everything is just going wrong.

It kinda all started off with a family friend dying in summer. It was a hard blow since for once my Dad was in love with her for years so she was very close to him and me. Second for me she was sort of a role model in fighting depression and bipolar disorder. Since her death was categorised as suicide it was devastating for me as I always looked up to her in whatever mental crisis I had and she seemed so strong and always knowing an answer.

Guess this whole situation broke something in me. I used to do quite good in living with my bipolar disorder but now I feel like I don't care fighting it anymore...when I'm high and irrational I just let myself be and do all the crazy and dangerous and hurtful things. When I am down I am just simply down and depressed and don't care anymore.

I often feel like I have lost interest in all things around during me...my friends, my hobbies, my dreams for my future.

Talking to people has become so hard it's stressing me out. I always feel tired. I get sick way more often than I used to.
It's like all daily things have become such a hard thing to do.

On the other hand, even if I feel like I have no interest in anything at all every sad thing just makes me cry. I mean I always kinda cried a lot esp. for a guy but usually I cry when I feel angry and helpless. But well, my beloved cat died and I feel like I'm just sad now and can't get over it.

It is sorta stupid it's an animal not a close family member but as I said I feel like I can't get over it and there has to be just the slightest reminder and I have to fight my tears.

So my time is divided basically between feeling overwhelmingly sad, having no interest in any person around me including my family, boyfriend and closest friends and feeling high and acting completely reckless during some manic episodes.

I have no idea what is wrong and how to make it right again.
I mean I don't necessarily care for myself but I understand that I hurt my family and my friends. My friends were always there for me and don't deserve being treated like that and my family neither. My Dad is really trying hard and doing good this time, so he would need my support but I just can't give it at all and feel really bad for it. It's like I'm paralysed when it comes to interact with others around me.

I have no idea how to snap out of this and I don't really expect any advice either. Just had the feeling I should try to get it off my chest.
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Old December 22nd, 2017, 01:27 AM   #2
Danieldv77
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Default Re: I don't understand what's wrong

Well, the dog I was raised with died around august, and I'm not going to lie when I say I "Cried like a bitch", as everyone described it, for about 3 days, and still am mentally skewed from the death of the companion I was raised by, so I get you there. I can't give you any straight advice, as I lack bipolar disorder, but noticed this thread was unanswered and felt kinda bad that no one had acknowledged it. All i'm going to say is do all you can to push through it man, and try to get back enough control to straighten your life. Wish you the best!
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Old December 23rd, 2017, 05:01 PM   #3
Sevun
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Default Re: I don't understand what's wrong

It's ok bro, I've felt this sadness before too. It takes time, but everything will improve, don't worry my friend
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Old December 23rd, 2017, 05:22 PM   #4
Just JT
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Default Re: I don't understand what's wrong

@Dalcourt I think I get what your talking about some. Not about bipolar cause Iím not bipolar, but I think what your feeling is kinda normal grief, loss, depression all rolled into one. Itís pretty normal to feel that way when you experience loss like that. And thatís a big loss for you bro

You are withdrawing you know that. Am doing that can be dangerous bro. I get you donít wana talk to people irl or here. Itís painful. Like for real a serious pain and you relive it every time you talk about some,of it like here.

But I think you also know that talking does help. And your friends do care. I know you know that. And that pain you relive will go away, and over time itíll get easier and easier a little at a time as you talk about it.

If you donít, itís like ignoring the pain, and itíll never go away. Might seem like it does, for a little while. But itíll come back, and hurt just as much as last time you talked about it

Just know weíre all here. And Iíll chat anytime you wana. You know how to get ahold of me

Love ya bro

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