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Old November 14th, 2017, 05:42 PM   #1
Lost in the Echo
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Name: Bo
Join Date: June 12, 2012
Location: Ohio
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Default Not the best time rn ( possible trigger warning )

So this is kind of uncharacteristic of me to make a thread like this, but this has been a really tough year and iíd just like to get some things off my mind. I donít really have a specific goal in mind with this but here we go...

Idk where to start. It just seems like no matter how hard I try or how much progress I think Iíve made, life continues to get worse instead of better.
In the past 3 months Iíve done inpatient and outpatient treatment for mostly alcohol, but a little too for I guess depression and shit like that.
At the time Iím proud of myself and feel Iím doing better, but it never seems to last. Negative thoughts always creep in and as hard as I try to stay optimistic in the moment, the harder they eventually come crashing down on me.

I really havenít drank much at all the past 3 weeks or so, but it seems thatís caused even more intense depression. Iíd love to stay drunk and numb, but I feel like Iím supposed to be passed that point in my life by now.

This is by far the most suicidal Iíve ever felt. Iíve never really considered it too strongly before, but Iím just mentally exhausted and just want everything to end.

This is probably the most isolated Iíve ever been, and Iím just kinda like fuck it.
Eventually Iíd love to just to drink one last bottle whiskey, go for a deep walk in the woods and just blow my fucking head off.
Iíve always been more than happy to help brighten up other peoplesí lives, but I guess that wonít be reciprocated. Nobody ever thinks to check up on me after all the shit that Iíve been through, and Iím always the motherfucker to initiate conversation. Makes me feel like an unlovable, unwanted pos.
Maybe if I started being all these assholes and cocksuckers out here everyone would want to gravitate towards me and be all over my dick too.
But thatís just not my way. Iím too fucking nice for that

Idek anymore
Iím just tired of everything guys. The more I try to the worse everything gets so I donít see the point anymore. Iím way too exhausted to keep trying
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Old November 14th, 2017, 10:52 PM   #2
Uniquemind
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Join Date: April 1, 2015
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Default Re: Not the best time rn ( possible trigger warning )

*hugs*

Listen to me when I say you're going to be fine.

Many people struggle finding love and many don't find it til much later in life like late 20's or 30's and 40's.

Just be proactive and sociable or work up to doing that.
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Old November 14th, 2017, 11:12 PM   #3
Lost in the Echo
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Name: Bo
Join Date: June 12, 2012
Location: Ohio
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Default Re: Not the best time rn ( possible trigger warning )

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uniquemind View Post
*hugs*

Listen to me when I say you're going to be fine.

Many people struggle finding love and many don't find it til much later in life like late 20's or 30's and 40's.

Just be proactive and sociable or work up to doing that.
Thanks I appreciate you.

What I was really referring to though is people in my life abandoning me during this difficult time with the sobriety and depression and all that. Iím not one to really open up to many people. Itís just hard for me to.
It just feels like everyone who I thought loved me and thought I could count on has just been like ďfuck youĒ to me.

Iím used to dealing with problems on my own, but the time I really need someone nobody is there. All my family and friends have pretty much given up on me.

I was probably a little over emotional originally, but I still feel like a nervous wreck. Iím really wanting to get trashed right now, but like I said im trying to overcome that.

Thanks again though.
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Old November 15th, 2017, 12:38 AM   #4
Uniquemind
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Join Date: April 1, 2015
Location: USA
Gender: Other
Default Re: Not the best time rn ( possible trigger warning )

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost in the Echo View Post
Thanks I appreciate you.

What I was really referring to though is people in my life abandoning me during this difficult time with the sobriety and depression and all that. I’m not one to really open up to many people. It’s just hard for me to.
It just feels like everyone who I thought loved me and thought I could count on has just been like “fuck you” to me.

I’m used to dealing with problems on my own, but the time I really need someone nobody is there. All my family and friends have pretty much given up on me.

I was probably a little over emotional originally, but I still feel like a nervous wreck. I’m really wanting to get trashed right now, but like I said im trying to overcome that.

Thanks again though.
In that sense we are a lot alike; I too tend to be the advice giver or rock of my friends. It's a tough job, as I'm sure you well know.

It feels bad to also not get the same quality reciprocal help from them when you need it.


But instead of thinking they're intentionally trying to "fuck you" I've since learned that perhaps they're just not equipped, or perhaps they are not gifted that way with the slog they're dealing with.

I think you have to expand hobbies or interests whatever can distract you long enough to work through the pain and learn from it, what you can control about it and what you can't.

Look into the future, and see what could be and if the future looks bleak, ask yourself why it has to be so? Why does it have to be when there are as many case stories of success from bleak beginnings from others to prove no future is absolute in either direction.

Your other post seemed to imply trouble in terms of romance so that's why I took that tone in my previous post.

---

In either case sometimes it's helpful to monologue even curse out those your angry with just to vent...don't always have to wear that polite political correct mask all the time.

I'm personally not a fan of bottling up or suppressing emotions, as a method of controlling them. That's what addicts and substance abuse is, and it's a path I highly advocate against if you're able to avoid it, not everyone can.

Last edited by Uniquemind; November 15th, 2017 at 12:43 AM.
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