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Old October 16th, 2017, 07:08 PM   #1
evansk8
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Default Moved back with my mom again

Hi everyone. So its been awhile since I posted...My wifi privileges were restricted while at my uncles (long story) so couldn't post with any degree of privacy. I had to move there in June cause my mom had some issues. Well now I'm back at my moms again. My uncle (and step aunt) were a real pain cause they had a lot of strict rules and stuff so I was so excited to have my freedom back! But my mom and I are already fighting again. I kinda want to go back to my uncles. My mom said that if I go back I can't return for the rest of the school year. I'm not sure what to do. On the one hand I like the freedom here and I have my own bedroom again. On the other hand its kinda lonely cause mom works all the time. And when we're both here we don't get a long so well. What do y'all think?
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Old October 16th, 2017, 10:27 PM   #2
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

This isn't really easy, and I have no idea what advice would be really useful here.

You have to figure out what is really the most important here for you.

I have been through the decision staying with my Dad or living with family relatives or foster parents again and again all my life.
My Dad and I have quite a lot of problems but on the other hand he is the person giving me most personal freedom and understanding my personality.
The others offered a stable life with clear structures.

My personality doesn't go well with these structures and I need a lot of freedom to be happy...so for me staying with Dad was, no matter what the downsides were, the best option.

Other people need clear rules and family structures to be happy and successful so it really depends on the person...in this case you.

Only you can know whether being lonely and fighting with your Mom is worth more than personal freedom or not.
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Old October 17th, 2017, 05:03 PM   #3
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

I think you should give it a little time maybe till Christmas see how things go because i am guessing things are very different between the 2 house holds

PM me anytime Anyone with workout advise send me a PM
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Old October 17th, 2017, 05:34 PM   #4
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

You really need to carefully weigh the pros and cons and see what will make you happier. Is your mom willing to go to family counseling to help you two get along better?
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Old October 18th, 2017, 12:22 AM   #5
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Thanks guys. Christmas seems like a long time from now! But I can't decide so I'm gonna stay here for now at least. I miss my cousins, but I don't miss all the rules and uncles strictness. I have my own room back too and no wifi restrictions. Privacy is worth something! I've never considered family counseling. Have you done it Freckles - Does it help?
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Old October 21st, 2017, 11:18 PM   #6
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

I would tough it out with mom. Like you said, she isn't home a lot so...


Canada / Sport Management (Hockey) Major / Straight / Left-Wing Progressive / 18 yrs old

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Old October 21st, 2017, 11:22 PM   #7
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Quote:
Originally Posted by evansk8 View Post
Thanks guys. Christmas seems like a long time from now! But I can't decide so I'm gonna stay here for now at least. I miss my cousins, but I don't miss all the rules and uncles strictness. I have my own room back too and no wifi restrictions. Privacy is worth something! I've never considered family counseling. Have you done it Freckles - Does it help?
Never have needed family counseling but some of my friends have. It seems to work for some but not for others.
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Old October 21st, 2017, 11:34 PM   #8
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Seems to me your struggling between lonlieness and wanting privacy. With Mom you’ll get plenty of privacy, she works

At your uncles, yeah you’ll lose privacy, but you’ll also have family around you. As much as a pain in the ass that might seem, think hard about that cause you might find yourself alone when you don’t wana be home alone. And not many options.

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Old October 23rd, 2017, 11:35 PM   #9
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

So it was a rough weekend at my mom's. She freaked out cause I made a mess in the kitchen. I was trying to clean it up but she didn't even give me a chance. I got so upset I ended up calling her a bad word and she slapped me hard across the face. After that she ran away and I didn't see her until the evening. I called my uncle and asked if I could come back and live with them. He says I have to try at least another week at home with my mom.
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Old October 24th, 2017, 09:15 AM   #10
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Try making her a small gift this week and compensate for your behaviour. I know she did bad things as well, but it`s always a good gesture to be the first to admit your part of the fault and then hopefully she will regret what happened
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Old October 26th, 2017, 05:58 PM   #11
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Quote:
Originally Posted by evansk8 View Post
So it was a rough weekend at my mom's. She freaked out cause I made a mess in the kitchen. I was trying to clean it up but she didn't even give me a chance. I got so upset I ended up calling her a bad word and she slapped me hard across the face. After that she ran away and I didn't see her until the evening. I called my uncle and asked if I could come back and live with them. He says I have to try at least another week at home with my mom.
Evan,
I know it's hard! I had problems at home with my mom too.
First of all, she should NOT have slapped you.
But then, you should NOT have called her a 'bad word'.

As you grow and mature, you will find that you will have to get along with a lot of different people. In life, at home, school, work and play.
We just can't start name calling or slapping someone because we are frustrated.
For example, while you were in the kitchen, making a mess... clean up as you go so that the clean up is not so overwhelming.

Remember, your mom is now a single parent who works hard to make ends meet.
I would be upset too if I came home after working all day or night, only to find a mess and then be called a 'bad word'.

You love her and she loves you that's all that matters.

In fact....

Tell her that you love her and that you are sorry for the messy kitchen
and for your disrespectful language. You'll try to do better.

As far as where you should go to live.

You should live in a home that you feel safe in.
Unconditional Love and Respect is what you need now.

Not 'Un-Restricted WiFi' or 'No Strict Rules'.

If you stay with your mom,
you can always go visit your cousins and visa-versa.

Do what's best for your long term happiness but also be aware of the feeling of others around you too.

I hope this helps you.

Please keep us all informed.

All my best,

-Julien
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Old October 27th, 2017, 11:43 PM   #12
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Thanks for the ideas everyone. My mom and I are on good terms again. I'm still considering going back to my uncles though. When I really think about it, even with all the rules and stuff, I was happier and it was more fun there. Both homes have physical discipline, not unusual here in TX, but my mom can get more out of control and that's just scary. I know my mom loves me though, and I kinda feel bad about leaving her again.
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Old October 28th, 2017, 04:32 AM   #13
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

@evansk8 I think @Julien has some of the best advise I’ve read in a long time. But here’s my 2 cents;

You, nor your mom should live in a place where’s your both disrespecting each other like that. Regardless of what happened. Your old enough to clean up after yourself after you make a mess. If she walks in and sees a mess, she has no idea how long it’s been there and no idea how long it’ll be till you intend to clean up. She’s worked all day right? I’m pretty sure she’d like to come home to a conflict free space. And boom right there in front of her is one. But hey, she should also exercise better restraint as well as you with your language. And her with her slapping you.

See people resolving things with yelling name calling and hitting get noplace but bad. That’s no better than being a bully (or a President lol!!). You need to get past that, with her, not without. Leaving and going to your uncles house is like running away from a conflict or problem cause it’s easier. Easier isn’t a good solution, it’s just easier. Facing the problem, whatever it is is harder, takes courage, maturity, and patience to, but in the long haul is waaaaynmore productive.

I’ve been here with my parents in the past. And it’s not a good feeling. The good thing is you do have a place to go of it ever gets crazy and truly unsafe. I don’t believe slapping a child is ok, but I understand a parent can get so angry fristrated or whatever upset they know what else to do. Much like when she pisses you off you don’t know what else to do but call her a name and runnaway or move to your uncles house.

Stuff you know will hurt her inside. And that’s the issue. Doing things you know will hurt each other. That’s what you guys should be trying to talk about. You might need someone else with the both of you to work through this stuff.

Therapy isn’t a bad thing,trust me, been in therapy for years, Andy it does help.

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Old October 28th, 2017, 10:12 PM   #14
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Thank you Julien and JT. My uncle came over today and my mom and I had a long talk with him. I told them I want to go live with my uncle again. But my uncle said I was not welcome until I straightened things out with my mom. So we spoke a lot about stuff that's been upsetting her. And we talked about the slap, which my uncle told me was deserved and not that bad. One idea they talked about was having me stay at my uncles only on school nights. Not sure I want to live in two places like that, but it could give me my freedom back on the weekends here. My uncle made it very clear he's not going to relax the rules for me, but he said I will be treated exactly the same as my cousins. I know from experience that he's at least fair. What do y all think?
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Old October 29th, 2017, 04:14 PM   #15
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Quote:
Originally Posted by evansk8 View Post
Thank you Julien and JT. My uncle came over today and my mom and I had a long talk with him. I told them I want to go live with my uncle again. But my uncle said I was not welcome until I straightened things out with my mom. So we spoke a lot about stuff that's been upsetting her. And we talked about the slap, which my uncle told me was deserved and not that bad. One idea they talked about was having me stay at my uncles only on school nights. Not sure I want to live in two places like that, but it could give me my freedom back on the weekends here. My uncle made it very clear he's not going to relax the rules for me, but he said I will be treated exactly the same as my cousins. I know from experience that he's at least fair. What do y all think?
*****************

Sunday, Oct 29, 2017

Hi Evan,

First of all, I want to say “Thanks” for keeping us up to date.

As far as what “I” think…

I think, how lucky that you are being given a choice in the matter.
This just shows me how much they love you and want you to be happy.

Most don’t get to choose where or who you live with, but you do!

How cool is that!

I’m also glad that you got to sit and talk things out…

Evan,

Always remember. As you grow up and go through life…

A lot of things can be solved if people just take the time and talk things out.

Don’t argue, get mad, use bad words and fight.

“Talk First”

That’s how problems and situations get solved.

Well, my feedback to you is...

Weekends with your mom will give you…
More Freedom with Less Rules and Un-Restricted Wi-fi.
but maybe harder to get along with mom.

Weekdays with you Uncle will give you…
Cousins to play with, Family Setting, Uncle is a Father figure to learn from.
but with Stricter Rules and Restricted Wi-fi.

It all sounds like a “Win-Win” Situation for you…

If you don’t like doing both, you can “Talk Things Out”
and maybe change it up a bit, later.

Appreciate the fact that, as a young man, Evan.

You are being given this opportunity to learn and grow from all this.

Don’t take it for granted!

Be “Humble and Grateful” that you have a choice.

Don’t mess it up.

But what ever you choose to do, I support you.

Just make sure you make the most of of it.

As always, “My Best To You”.

Keep in Touch when you can.

- Julien
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Old October 29th, 2017, 04:27 PM   #16
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Quote:
Originally Posted by evansk8 View Post
Thank you Julien and JT. My uncle came over today and my mom and I had a long talk with him. I told them I want to go live with my uncle again. But my uncle said I was not welcome until I straightened things out with my mom. So we spoke a lot about stuff that's been upsetting her. And we talked about the slap, which my uncle told me was deserved and not that bad. One idea they talked about was having me stay at my uncles only on school nights. Not sure I want to live in two places like that, but it could give me my freedom back on the weekends here. My uncle made it very clear he's not going to relax the rules for me, but he said I will be treated exactly the same as my cousins. I know from experience that he's at least fair. What do y all think?
Dude @Julien C. gave some straight up advise bro.

Look I’ll agree staying at 2different places may not be ideal. But it’s also not to bad either. In the end,way i see it is yeah, you are being given a gift, believe me many kids don’t get that at all, take it!!

The bigger picture is all about family reunification with Mom. So right now may not be so great at home. So a break away gives both you and Mom time away, from each other, a break.....

Your really lucky you have an uncle that willing to step up and help you and your mom. Bro that top shelf right there. Don’t mess that up, take care of business with Mom and do your part of the bargain and be mature about it. It’s all part of growing up.

I might be wrong but if I read about what your feeling, and you don’t take care of business, I think down the road both you and Mom will be doing a lot more communications with your hands than either one likes or wants. Trust me that blows, don’t go there

Take care of business, you only need to do your part. You can’t do theirs for them, that’s their job

Keep us updated ok.

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Last edited by Just JT; November 4th, 2017 at 07:46 PM.
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Old October 30th, 2017, 01:02 AM   #17
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

i'd rather pick freedom, use that freedom to find friends, this forum for example may be a great place

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Old November 2nd, 2017, 02:13 PM   #18
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

So I moved back to my uncles during the school week. It's going okay. My mom has finally put more data on my phone so I can get online in private for a bit. I'm actually pretty happy with the decision. Things are are just more stable and easier cause I know what to expect. Thanks for all the ideas.
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Old November 4th, 2017, 02:47 AM   #19
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Default Re: Moved back with my mom again

Quote:
Originally Posted by evansk8 View Post
So I moved back to my uncles during the school week. It's going okay. My mom has finally put more data on my phone so I can get online in private for a bit. I'm actually pretty happy with the decision. Things are are just more stable and easier cause I know what to expect. Thanks for all the ideas.

Hey Evan,

First of all, Thanks for keeping us updated.

So happy for you! Make the best of it.

Let us know if we can help you as time goes by.

Aloha from Hawaii,

-Julien
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