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Old September 21st, 2017, 05:35 PM   #1
Kooy's Forum Picture
Join Date: April 3, 2017
Gender: Cisgender Male
Default So im having surgery in less then a week....

This is the only thread i feel I could post this. Do to its nature.

So on the 26th im going to duke university medical center to have surgery. I had a urethroplasty a year ago and now they are going to reconstruct my uretha with the grafted skin they took form my mouth. Ill have stiches down thire.... Again...... Yay.... And ill be stuck with a catheter for 3... Whole... Weeks... I barely made it 11 days... I barely made it 3 days! But now i have to have one in for 3 whole weeks. I have has so many panic attacks over this detail. If you have never had a cath in before consider yourself lucky because you DO NOT want one. Not even for a few minutes. They are horrible. They are basically torture... I would rather have ever inch of my body cut then have a another catheter. I don't cry much but the fact im going to have one again has had me crying. Im scared it's going to do what the others did. When we empted the bag it felt like it was ripping my insides out though the tube. I am more scared, nervous and anxious over the fact of getting a catheter i have at multiple times felt like calling the surgery off and staying how i am despite the limitations. I just got out of a panic attack amd now i feel like im going to have another with the relisation of having a catheter in again.. Part of me pushes it away and when I think about it hits me hard eatch time and I mentally can prepare or accept that it's going to happen. I don't care about the surgery. Ive had so many I could care less. But im so tariffed of another catheter. Ive had planty of them and i know how they feel and i cant bare the idea of that kind of pain again. Not to mention the drugs they have me on that last time had me seeing shit, forgetting how time and clocks worked, seeing skinless men standing over me, crooked little girls at the foot of my bed and a fucking disembodied floating face rushing in my room from ky door. Constantly felt watched. Constantly had an eery feeling. Not to mention I couldn't sleep from the pain i was in, despite the heavy painkillers i was on, I could only eat jellow and pooding but I didn't have an appitite and I barely could open my mouth (they took skin from my checks to make the graph) and the parinoia. I lost my fucking mind. My friends had to watch me decline and when I finally got the cath and stiches out I still didn't mentaly recover over night and my now girlfriend had to talk me out of overdosing, after i had cut my arm open and painted on the wall with my blood. (Yes i went that nuts in 11 days... But how would you fair on havy painkillers that didn't stop the pain, constemt parinoia, and only 6 hours of sleep over 11 nights...) I actually thought i was going to die in those 11 days and after the 11 days I wanted to die. And now im going to go though all of that yet again but this time for 21 days. Just 10 extra days... I don't know how bad my mental state will be but laying in a bed without being capable of moving, along with all the pain and parinoia and lack of sleep and who knows how much painkiller. Im not going to come out of this looking good, i know im not going to be in a sound mind when this is done. Im so fucking scared this is going to be a repeat. And im don't want another catheter... I seriously don't want to go back to feeling schizophrenic again. I don't know why they send me home in that condition... Duke is a huge hospital.... And 3hrs away... But they are sending me straight home after surgery.... Just like last time....

And here comes the anxiety attack........

Fallow the raven to find the wolf
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Old September 21st, 2017, 06:30 PM   #2
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Name: Jamie
Join Date: June 27, 2016
Location: Minnesota
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: So im having surgery in less then a week....

I had a catheter in for a few days when I had knee surgery a few years ago. It didn't bother me much when in. It felt a bit weird and uncomfortable but that was it. The only bad part was getting it out it really hurt. You just need to buck up and get through this knowing the whole thing will make you better.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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