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Old July 22nd, 2017, 12:00 PM   #1
Dalcourt
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Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
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Default Are we just fooling ourselves?

I had a long talk with an adult friend of mine this morning.
She is a social worker. I met her through a friend and we got closer as we both suffer from bipolar disorder and it was easier to talk to her as she can relate to than to talk to a therapist.

I met her today and she was really down...
We talked about it and she told me how the suicide of the Linkin Park frontman had shaken her.

She said she is early his age and fights her mental health problems since her childhood. She said she felt like she could control it. She always told herself that once she makes it past her mid thirties she might have won the fight.
Like she has found her place in life and all.

But now she isn't sure anymore.

I don't know but it makes me think. I have tried to commit suicide a couple of times but well obviously it didn't work out...I always got found in time.
A part of me still regrets it didn't work although I'm quite happy with my life at the moment.
But I'm not sure if it's not just me lying to myself.
I have my phases when I feel really good but they more than often than just turn into mania and it ends really bad again.

Sometimes I'm not quite sure which feelings are my real ones and which are just created by my illness.

So when I think I feel good do I just fool mysel? When your life is bad is it possible to really get over all the negative things?
The real ones and those my mind creates?

Can we overcome the bad things like my friend said she felt or is it just plain wrong and we will never really make it as she fears now?

These thoughts kinda scare me a lot.
I always had hopes of getting better, of having more control over my emotions and myself.
At the moment I feel kinda normal. I can control myself like any other person.

But a couple of months ago I was a wreck. My emotions overloaded and controlled me.
It's like being a different person...it's either hurt or kill myself so to not do these things to someone else.


So is it really possible to be a normal person one day or is it just a fooling yourself to survive from one day to the next?

Sorry this is as messed up as my thoughts right now.
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Old July 22nd, 2017, 12:24 PM   #2
devotionnel
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Default Re: Are we just fooling ourselves?

Honestly some people are definitely much stronger than others. They can find light in even the darkest places, so to speak. They can always control their mindsets and are very determined.

But some people aren't. Some people can't imagine what th next day brings and can shut out the light in their lives intentionally. Whether someone is diagnosed with bipolar or not those piece tend to be quite fragile and are dependent on things to help themselves get through. Honestly I am quite like this a lot of the time.

Time heals all wounds and hopefully with some good medication (if you need it or are prescribed to it), some good coping mechanisms and something such as a hobby to bring more light into your life you can heal. Creating a growth mindset is obviously really crucial to this and if you have determination to get through the episodes of mania/depression you can overcome the mental barriers that you have and maybe help prevent you setting up your own obstacles in life.

Obviously I do apologise if you can't relate to this, I don't have bipolar and I don't know anyone who has it. But hopefully this can help from an outsider's perspective and you know I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.

devotionnel ~ help and advice moderator
ask me last.fm

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Old July 22nd, 2017, 12:48 PM   #3
Just JT
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Default Re: Are we just fooling ourselves?

Good question tyler. See we really don't know what normal is. All we know is scientifically when we plot different things on a graph, there are some characteristics that are called outliers from the sample population. Meaning, there are some people, 5% or lower, who display these types of behaviors. What ever they are. And the other 95% display (at least) something less relevant than the outliers do.

Not sure that makes sense to you. But in a nut she'll, we never really know what's "normal" or not. It's all based on what ever sample population, how they feel at that time, and whatever kinda social or demagraphical differences there are from one population to another.

What's completely "normal" or "abnormal" behavior could be very normal or the opposite in another part of the world.

Look at it like side effects to medications. Not everyone has side effects. But all that are reported, although may be outliers on a graph, may not really be important. But they may be.

So in reality, your probably more normal than you think. Yeah we all have problems. Bipolar is an issue. And you can put that on a graph and plot it. And it might be normal based on the sample population. So don't beat yourself up over it ok?

Sorry to be so scientific, I just look as being normal and like a really speculate way to look at stuff.
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Old July 25th, 2017, 09:51 AM   #4
elmoc
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Default Re: Are we just fooling ourselves?

Peanut,
I think your willingness to post your feelings in such detail indicates that you are very aware of how your brain chemical changes are effecting your moods. I don't pretend to know the answer to your questions, but I do know that the hormone changes of adolescence make all of us feel abnormal a lot of the time. I'm sure bipolar disorder magnifies those feelings, both high & low. I know i repeat myself on mental health responses, but our hormone changes can make it necessary to adjust medications a bit. I saw that with my bipolar sister, who is now an adult.

One thought from my sister's experience: if your social worker friend is taking birth control pills, it might be helpful to track her depression episodes to see if they occur when the pills stop & her period begins. Also, my sisters doctor changed her b.c. pills, & this helped her. I'm not trying to push medications, but bipolar disorder is a brain chemical disorder & so it seems to me that chemical adjustments (medications) should make a difference.

I'm personally very happy that your suicide attempts have failed. Your posts show that you are a kind, caring person, & the world seriously needs people like you. You have a lot to offer, especially on this forum. If I can support you in any way, plz PM me.

Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.
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Old August 21st, 2017, 07:04 PM   #5
jamie_n5
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Default Re: Are we just fooling ourselves?

Well you do struggle with your bipolar but you seem like you are handling it much better now since your accident. We all have our ups and down days but I realize that the down ones are harder to handle with bipolar disease. You are doing so much better my friend so keep up the good work and beat that monster that is trying get to you.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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