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Old August 2nd, 2017, 10:58 PM   #1
Kooy
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Default I have a problem... Don't i...?

Honestly i have a note and a plan and a not-so-official-but-atlest-its-secret will, also a preferred way to be laid to rest (wooden casket, no embalming). Getting obsessed with dieing and preparing in secret has really.. Prolonged my existence. I still want to die.. But i want everything to go.. Smothly. Im a protectionist. And the kind of protectionist i am i tend to prolong things so I know everything is perfect. I know this is a messed up obsession but.. As unhealthy as it is.. At least im not loathing like normal. Im being productive at something despite it being about this at least im not staring at a wall wasting my life away. Making that wall take up years that i cant get back. Im still tied of life, and i want to die on my own terms weather im sick in the head or not. It feels comforting. I actually want to live to the day i do it because i want to be the one who does it. Not something else not somebody else. I don't know how much of a problem i have here but... Its exosting to be a waste of money and resources. I don't want or deserve stuff given to me weather i work for it or not. Im always going to feel like every thing i get or eat is a waste, medical resources should be used on someone whos in more need then i. And anything i buy or am giving is just money wasn't that could have gone somewhere more important. Im a nobody, i am nothing, so im a waste. I cant bring anything to the world. I cant provide. Im not worth anyones time. At this moment I don't even know if this is logic or illness speaking but it feels like the intelgent thing to do because a drain on recourses is the worst thing in times like these.. And thats what i am. A parasite.



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Old August 2nd, 2017, 11:19 PM   #2
DriveAlive
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

Please speak to a doctor about this. There are a lot of resources out there to help you. And please continue to share your feelings with all of us here on the forums. We are always here to listen and to help if we can. I was feeling extremely depressed all year and I finally went to the doctor and I just started taking an anti-depressant. It is too early for it to be working, but I am already excited because it means that my life is going to improve and that unhappiness will be out of my life soon. Please just hold on.

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http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/sh....php?t=2030289
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 12:10 AM   #3
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DriveAlive View Post
Please speak to a doctor about this. There are a lot of resources out there to help you. And please continue to share your feelings with all of us here on the forums. We are always here to listen and to help if we can. I was feeling extremely depressed all year and I finally went to the doctor and I just started taking an anti-depressant. It is too early for it to be working, but I am already excited because it means that my life is going to improve and that unhappiness will be out of my life soon. Please just hold on.
Okay...



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Old August 5th, 2017, 06:41 PM   #4
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

Yes you absolutely need professional help. I am glad that you accept that. Go ASAP too.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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Old August 5th, 2017, 06:57 PM   #5
Just JT
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

I agree man. I mean....we've all read a bunch of your posts. It's pretty clear you need and want some help. You think you understand a good resolve for your conflict. When in reality, your hurting far more people than you realize

It's not about wasting resources. You are the resource. And by offing yourself. That's wasting resources. We all have potential and meaning in life. Some just a longer journey finding that reason.

Talk to someone
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Old August 5th, 2017, 07:53 PM   #6
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jamie_n5 View Post
Yes you absolutely need professional help. I am glad that you accept that. Go ASAP too.
I don't.. Want professional help I don't trust them..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just JT View Post
I agree man. I mean....we've all read a bunch of your posts. It's pretty clear you need and want some help. You think you understand a good resolve for your conflict. When in reality, your hurting far more people than you realize

It's not about wasting resources. You are the resource. And by offing yourself. That's wasting resources. We all have potential and meaning in life. Some just a longer journey finding that reason.

Talk to someone
But when i eat anything ir use anything or get anything or am treated with anything i just feel it could have been used on someone else...
And the fact i feel like offing myself makes everything feel like more a waste on me....



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Old August 5th, 2017, 08:00 PM   #7
Just JT
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kooy View Post
I don't.. Want professional help I don't trust them..



But when i eat anything ir use anything or get anything or am treated with anything i just feel it could have been used on someone else...
And the fact i feel like offing myself makes everything feel like more a waste on me....
If you don't want help, and you don't trust them, and you reject advice when offered, then what do you want from people when you post stuff like this?
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Old August 5th, 2017, 11:46 PM   #8
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

You should seek professional help and it's not a waste. With their help you can find a way to give back the wastefulness you feel and help. If you start working towards any sort of freedom from the debt you feel from this you can become free and help out as you see fit instead of leaving. Please seek it. You may feel productivity now but there are many other ways! Look around have someone help you then help some others as well as yourself.
No kooy youre not a waste.
But fr, golet some help. I hate to see you like this all the time and I wanna see some feeling of joy and goodness in you... Please kooy
You've just gotta get some help.



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Old August 8th, 2017, 04:01 PM   #9
Kooy
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

Then ill just stop posting because I already felt like a bother putting my voice in...



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Old August 8th, 2017, 08:59 PM   #10
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

something like this you NEED a professional who is trained to help you in this areas. seriously, there are doctors whose specialty is helping people go through the situations and feelings you are facing. please seek professional help

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Old August 9th, 2017, 12:56 AM   #11
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Default Re: I have a problem... Don't i...?

please visit this website
http://icnqr.com

and read about the story of Kevin Hines.

you asked earlier in one of your posts if it's logic or illness. it is absolutely mental illness. You have issues. The thoughts you have about not being worth anything, or not meaning anything to anyone are absolutely NOT TRUE. It's just your mind telling you lies. Anyone can make a difference in the life of someone else if they truly care. You are not worthless, and nothing is wasted on you.

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