Virtual Teen Forums
 

Go Back   Virtual Teen Forums > >
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read Chat Room

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old June 28th, 2017, 07:27 PM   #1
Kooy
Member
 
Kooy's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: April 3, 2017
Gender: Cisgender Male
Default Your thoughts?

Set far in the future, when milkyway and andromeda have collided and the sun had expanded. Setting gives me some leadway to say genetically modified animals have been made to replace some units. One in protrecular is set on a crashed ship on a planet in triangulam.

The ship carried genetically modified wolves that have electrogenius.

After further time on the planet they adapt and develop feathery intina down there back and magnetism. Eventually they become simi bipedal and develop intelligence. They call themselves Maanlup.

For my characters we have Saatchi, who is matted to Detra, is captain to one of the twin ships on a creasing voyage. Detra is the captain of the other ship. Athena is part of Detra's bridge crew, and Xol is Saatchi's. Sovno has issues controlling how much radiation and plazma she genorates. Then kyohi… he only assumes his the form of a Maanlup for the others. Hes a defective Ecus. The Ecus are beings from another dimension. They spread and consume. Using antimatter and dark matter to create themselves and their ships. They spread like a virus till they cause a universe to pop and they spread to the next.

Detras gets caught by an Ecus entry portal from a dying dimension on the christening voyage. She crashes on earths moon in a distopan modern setting where people are scarce and Ecus are everywhere. This is where Kyohi comes to be. Saatchi has to keeping the Ecus back and finding a way to get Detra back as she finds a way to find a way back her self.

Okay time for more detail that ive not spoken about before.

(Possibly gona have charm and sona as charters… keep in mind all i have is names)

As i said the Maanlup live on a planet in triangulam there star is a K0V (orange dwarf) the thire planetary system has 4 main bodies. Phea, the terrestrial planet they live on. Niur, the iorn body that is in a binary orbit with phea. Ti, a selena that orbits the barycenter. Finally nul, a dwarf moon that orbits Ti, constensted of silecant and ice. Im still thinking about the rest of the Solar system. Phea has a 14 degree tilt of axis though. Still questioning what form of government to give the main "hay we built these ships" airia.

Phea is a tundra/arctic like planet thats in a permanent ice age. A the equator is temprant instead of tropical. The large ice sheats make ground effect vehicles a reliable method for long distance transportation. I don't have much flora and fauna planed out sadly. The planet is mountainous in many areas though.
I don't have much for nations planed out quite yet…

The Maanlup ar sorta Roman/Native American/Dwarven natured in my opinion (not intentionally, but its how i complare what I've immaged the sivisation like) they are slightly tribal in rural arias and more dwarven tempered in urban arias. Romans (and Scandinavians) did inspire the above ground architecture and type of architecture. The city's are castle like and have a dome of plasma to incase the cities top. And the cities spirals under ground. The underground city is more carved out stone for the majority, but its more metal quartz and marble in the actual spiral part.

Pets? Ive actually thought of that. Large rat like animals and creachers that look like winged stoats (neather have a name yet) are what ive actually thought up as pets.

Meat from something thats probably going to be deer like animals along with berries would probably be raised for food (I mean the Maanlup where seeded from a ship crashing on the planet… I think i have leadway to say phea got contaminated with more then just mutated wolves) along with hunting the national wildlife of Phea.

Ill add more to this when i can think of it but for now. Any suggestions? Opinions? Criticisms? Ideas?

Time for an addon: i have no idea what to name the feather like appendages that they use to feel eletric and magnetic pulses and fields. Basically they are like large wiskers with branches lay flat on the back, and at will or in any stimulate that would cause the fur on the spine to ridge, they fan out to the side, this 1 makes them look bigger, and 2 gives more space sence the eletric or magnetic stimulus. Also they grow back if damage, but if they where to get damaged it will hurt do to them actually having nerves.

Language that's another thing I dabbled in and really want but im never satisfied. Id love them to have there own language and to have it as a fully fleashed out conlang (even if it makes it odd they if they spoke English so the reader could understand.

I really need some outside thought because my creative train is starting to derail.

Also, how should i start the story? With the creation? The crash? The launch of the ships? Should all of this be separat or together?



Fallow the raven to find the wolf

Last edited by Kooy; June 28th, 2017 at 09:45 PM.
Likes: (1)
Kooy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old July 11th, 2017, 10:09 AM   #2
Seraph
Member
 
Seraph's Forum Picture
 
Name: Seraph
Join Date: November 19, 2016
Location: Middle-Earth
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Default Re: Your thoughts?

It is really good. I particularly like the way you described the Maanlup culture, and I would like to know more. I think I can help you in a way or two:


The biggest challenge of world-building is creating a lore for your world, all great civilizations have their own epics (e.g. Iliad or Odysseus) and there are long poems and historic stories that are still told.

To deal with the language: You can state that the story was originally written in Maanlupian language and has been translated into English (in which case all Maanlupian words are in english). However, if you're using more than one race, you might as well use a few made-up words just to show that all races of the world are unique and diverse.

All right, now the spines: I came up with a random term but I think you can name those spines electrofrills - in their tongue Vyinloreth (Vin-lor-eth).


Here are a few more points:

The creatures evolve accordingly to their habitat, so that means maanlup who spent their times in the equatorial zones of Phea will have comparatively less hair than those who live in the north. They may also have different colored skin pigments, etc. This can also give space for racial hatred or discrimination and such.

You can write about a legendary hero who drove back an army of evil extraterrestrials thousands of years ago. You can write the tale of a lost city or civilization that was once very powerful but they are no more. And so on.

You can create a sort of pantheon with many gods and goddesses (or a single god). If you don't like that, you can write that they have grown to have a bond with nature and the spirits of nature and so on.


If you need more help, ask me. Happy Writing.

UTLIEN AUR! AUTA I LM!


Out of the Great Sea I have come to you now at the turn of the tide,
and here I will abide until the end of days.

bisexual | jack of all trades | spirit of fire
Likes: (1)
Seraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old July 15th, 2017, 01:20 AM   #3
carlieta
Banned
 
Name: Mary
Join Date: July 15, 2017
Location: California
Gender: Female
Default Re: Your thoughts?

i really like it. i personally like the way you build the world. i think you need to focus on those areas
Likes: (1)
carlieta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 10th, 2017, 08:40 PM   #4
Kooy
Member
 
Kooy's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: April 3, 2017
Gender: Cisgender Male
Default Re: Your thoughts?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seraph View Post
It is really good. I particularly like the way you described the Maanlup culture, and I would like to know more. I think I can help you in a way or two:


The biggest challenge of world-building is creating a lore for your world, all great civilizations have their own epics (e.g. Iliad or Odysseus) and there are long poems and historic stories that are still told.

To deal with the language: You can state that the story was originally written in Maanlupian language and has been translated into English (in which case all Maanlupian words are in english). However, if you're using more than one race, you might as well use a few made-up words just to show that all races of the world are unique and diverse.

All right, now the spines: I came up with a random term but I think you can name those spines electrofrills - in their tongue Vyinloreth (Vin-lor-eth).


Here are a few more points:

The creatures evolve accordingly to their habitat, so that means maanlup who spent their times in the equatorial zones of Phea will have comparatively less hair than those who live in the north. They may also have different colored skin pigments, etc. This can also give space for racial hatred or discrimination and such.

You can write about a legendary hero who drove back an army of evil extraterrestrials thousands of years ago. You can write the tale of a lost city or civilization that was once very powerful but they are no more. And so on.

You can create a sort of pantheon with many gods and goddesses (or a single god). If you don't like that, you can write that they have grown to have a bond with nature and the spirits of nature and so on.


If you need more help, ask me. Happy Writing.
Thank you, sorry fir late reply I haven't been on the site much till now



Fallow the raven to find the wolf
Kooy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 17th, 2017, 08:53 PM   #5
Sword of the morning
Junior Member+
 
Sword of the morning's Forum Picture
 
Name: Pacey
Join Date: March 16, 2017
Gender: Male
Default Re: Your thoughts?

I love the world building going on. It is a bit complex but that's good. I like the ideas of non human "people" as the characters. That's always one of my biggest complaints with sci-fi set on other planets is that there's so many humans. I think this will go far if you keep going.
Sword of the morning is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:42 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright©2000 - 2017
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2017, VirtualTeen.org