Virtual Teen Forums
 

Go Back   Virtual Teen Forums > >
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read Chat Room

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old May 21st, 2017, 08:47 PM   #1
Deleted User
Legendary Member
 
Join Date: August 28, 2010
Gender: Undisclosed
Default So many pills.

There are so many pills in my apartment. I have tylenol, lithium, lamotrigine, clonazepam, and a whole other list of cold and cough medicines. I stood at the counter with a mason jar of water when I was taking my meds for the night and just stared at the bottles. I could just picture myself reaching out and taking more of the lithium. Except I'm dissociating so badly I couldn't tell if I was doing it or if I was just standing there. Nothing feels real anymore. I'm going to lose my apartment. If I somehow don't, I won't be able to eat all summer. Nothing. At all. So even though I'm supposed to be saving money, I bought a scale. If I have to starve myself, I figured I should see some results. But even that doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. I just keep seeing this version of myself taking the pills and saying goodbye to friends before I go to bed and fall asleep. I don't want to live anymore. I have a plan made. A date set. But I also don't know if I'll be able to go through with it then while I can now. I don't know what I should do.
Deleted User is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 21st, 2017, 09:18 PM   #2
Abyssal Echo
Lone Wolf
 
Abyssal Echo's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: January 11, 2012
Location: A cold dark cave near the road to nowhere
Gender: Male
Default Re: So many pills.

Hopefully the date you set wasn't today and you haven't gone and done something stupid.
After attempting 5 times I'm prob not the right person to be preaching to you that suicide isn't the answer... it isn't.... it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm sure that you've got friends and family that would miss you if you decided to go thru with it... I'm a PM away if you need/want someone to talk to.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience - Mark Twain
Abyssal Echo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 21st, 2017, 09:38 PM   #3
Amethyst Rose
The Fragile
 
Amethyst Rose's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: May 27, 2016
Location: The Crystal Garden
Gender: Cisgender Female
Blog Entries: 22
Default Re: So many pills.

Whatever date you have set, erase it. Remove it - and any plans you had - from your mind. You're not going to go through with it ok? I know it's hard to think rationally when you're set on suicide, but that is only one solution, and a permanent one at that. Don't you want to see your situation improve? If your friends and family knew what you were planning, they would never allow it because they care about you. Please reconsider and, if you can, talk to a friend, family member or other person you trust; talking things through will calm you down and give you a new perspective.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
PM Me Ask Me [email protected]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Desynchronized View Post
Gawd dammit the mods r so cruel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Special One View Post
I just food and I still have a hungry.
Amethyst Rose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 22nd, 2017, 11:28 AM   #4
Deleted User
Legendary Member
 
Join Date: August 28, 2010
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: So many pills.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abyssal Echo View Post
Hopefully the date you set wasn't today and you haven't gone and done something stupid.
After attempting 5 times I'm prob not the right person to be preaching to you that suicide isn't the answer... it isn't.... it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm sure that you've got friends and family that would miss you if you decided to go thru with it... I'm a PM away if you need/want someone to talk to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst Rose View Post
Whatever date you have set, erase it. Remove it - and any plans you had - from your mind. You're not going to go through with it ok? I know it's hard to think rationally when you're set on suicide, but that is only one solution, and a permanent one at that. Don't you want to see your situation improve? If your friends and family knew what you were planning, they would never allow it because they care about you. Please reconsider and, if you can, talk to a friend, family member or other person you trust; talking things through will calm you down and give you a new perspective.
I don't have family. Literally none. I don't have friends. So no one would miss me. The only "concern" anyone has shown was some asshole last night calling my estranged mother behind my back to make herself feel better. No one in that situation actually cared about me. My mother was too busy protecting that person's identity (I found out who it was anyway) and the other girl was literally just playing good samaritan before sending me a series of threatening messages.

No situation I've been in has ever gotten better. I don't want to see it improve. I want it to be over and done and I want to be dead. Everyone would actually be better off without me. And I'm not just saying that. I'm living off of government assistance, I can't work, I just annoy people. I am a literal waste of air. Oh, and I'm failing school.

I am going through with it. I'm keeping the date. I guess I just didn't go through it last night because I stopped dissociating when that asshole decided to go and phone my mother.
Deleted User is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 22nd, 2017, 11:52 AM   #5
xXl0sth0peXx
Administrator
 
xXl0sth0peXx's Forum Picture
 
Name: Val
Join Date: July 17, 2011
Location: in the middle of hell..
Gender: Cisgender Female
Default Re: So many pills.

I love you. Please don't do this to yourself. You're more worth it than you know. Nothing I say will make you see it, but please know that I'm here for you. No matter what, always.

Feel free to contact me: [email protected]|PM me
Feel free to visit: Ask Me|Diary|My Tumblr

"Perfect. Nice and bright outside. Wow, I'm so rococo x.X" - Bethany
~Steven
- Ali
Likes: (1)
xXl0sth0peXx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 22nd, 2017, 05:51 PM   #6
Amethyst Rose
The Fragile
 
Amethyst Rose's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: May 27, 2016
Location: The Crystal Garden
Gender: Cisgender Female
Blog Entries: 22
Default Re: So many pills.

All of us here care about you. Words on a screen from a complete stranger may not seem like much... but I truly care about your well-being. Once you do this, it's final. Please don't act hastily, and know that you can always reach out to me if you need to.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
PM Me Ask Me [email protected]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Desynchronized View Post
Gawd dammit the mods r so cruel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Special One View Post
I just food and I still have a hungry.
Amethyst Rose is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:51 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright©2000 - 2017
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2017, VirtualTeen.org