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Old April 3rd, 2017, 06:43 PM   #1
Just JT
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Default How long does this take?

Every day I wake up and remember my dad his death and that first day. Was the worst day of my life. I've tried to be up beat, positive, stay outa trouble and everything. I've done a ok job of that last one.

But I still every day miss him so much. I litterally cry until I feel like I'll puke, and I just want him back so much. It's been over 2 years now. And a shit tones happened in my life since then. Most is good

But I still lay in bed and cry myself to sleep
Every night and wake still crying. I dry my eyes and face the world like everything hs fanfuckingtastic. But it's not. I sometimes wish I wasn't born by my mom at all. I wish I was born to my mom now.

But that can't happen

But for fuck sakes someone tell me how fucking long does this last?
I'm sick of this crap!!
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Old April 3rd, 2017, 08:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: How long does this take?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just JT View Post
Every day I wake up and remember my dad his death and that first day. Was the worst day of my life. I've tried to be up beat, positive, stay outa trouble and everything. I've done a ok job of that last one.

But I still every day miss him so much. I litterally cry until I feel like I'll puke, and I just want him back so much. It's been over 2 years now. And a shit tones happened in my life since then. Most is good

But I still lay in bed and cry myself to sleep
Every night and wake still crying. I dry my eyes and face the world like everything hs fanfuckingtastic. But it's not. I sometimes wish I wasn't born by my mom at all. I wish I was born to my mom now.

But that can't happen

But for fuck sakes someone tell me how fucking long does this last?
I'm sick of this crap!!
It depends on person to person. Some don't stop feeling like that. I've never experienced a loss like that and I'm sorry that it happened to you, but I'm friends with someone who has. A friend of mine lost his brother 2 years ago and even though he looked like he was ok on the outside, I know that he was hurting on the inside. I don't have any concrete advice, and I'm sorry about that. But if you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to message me, If you feel like you need it.

~~Christian, I like exploring, video games, music, and writing~~

I'm just a small, highly sensitive, kid who's really really good at sneaking.
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Old April 4th, 2017, 06:53 AM   #3
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Default Re: How long does this take?

makes new friend, new family, and new happiness. or anything that makes u smile will help you to get stronger.
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Old April 8th, 2017, 12:53 PM   #4
Just JT
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Default Re: How long does this take?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brightwolf View Post
It depends on person to person. Some don't stop feeling like that. I've never experienced a loss like that and I'm sorry that it happened to you, but I'm friends with someone who has. A friend of mine lost his brother 2 years ago and even though he looked like he was ok on the outside, I know that he was hurting on the inside. I don't have any concrete advice, and I'm sorry about that. But if you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to message me, If you feel like you need it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rioo View Post
makes new friend, new family, and new happiness. or anything that makes u smile will help you to get stronger.
Thank you guys for taking the time to read this. And offer support. Was having a bad day, was his birthday so kinda sad day for me

Thank you
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Old April 9th, 2017, 12:07 AM   #5
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Default Re: How long does this take?

I don't think the death of someone like your dad is something you will ever forget. Maybe, you shouldn't even try to. After all, judging by the emotions that you feel from his death, it is evident that he was an amazing father. And while it is relatively recent and you still feel the loss like a thorn in your side, over time as the years go by, you will not feel the pain as bad as you do right now. In my opinion, you should just try to remember the good memories of your dad, the times together, and always do your best to emulate in your own life whatever qualities you admired in your dad so that through you, others can see and experience how great your dad was (and just for yourself in general; if I had someone I really admired I'd try to be like them in the certain aspects that I admired in them). If there is someone else that knew your dad very well that you talk to often, talking always helps as well. Or it doesn't have to be someone who knew your dad very well either.

But back to your main question: How long does this last? I think it will last for the rest of your life, till the day you die. But also keep in mind that as more years pass it won't be as painful to think about and talk about as it is now. I'm sure it goes without saying but I'll say it anyways - I'm available to talk to if that is something that you want. And I'm sure there are many others here who would gladly listen to you and talk with you.

Thanks for sharing, I wish you the best of luck.
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Old July 13th, 2017, 02:36 PM   #6
Just JT
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bro, i can't tell you it goes away, i'm not going to lie. i lost my dad 8 months ago and i've also lost 3 of my grandparents. i still have dreams on a regular basis with my dad or my grandmother in them as i was very close to them. traumatic events in our lives will cause visions (day and night dreams) probably forever. i know, it sucks. i'm sorry bro, i'm here if you need someone to talk to.
8 months, that's not to long ago. That's still pretty fresh, and you lost so many to. Hope your talking to someone
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Old July 13th, 2017, 03:29 PM   #7
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I am sooo sorry that you had to go through this buddy It varies greatly from person to person but I imagine it would at least take a few months for you to move on and not think of it in an average day, for some however it takes years. You will never truly forget him however, and that is okay and perfectly natural


I'm a prettyyy awkward weeb that likes alcohol and punk rock :')
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Old July 13th, 2017, 07:54 PM   #8
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I'm so sorry

As hard as it is to remember when you loose someone so close to you as your own father, you got to remember that he would want you to keep being happy and keep making him proud. So go out and make your dad proud up there in his memory. He may not be with you physically but he will always be with you mentally.

I lost my grandfather a few years back, he was someone who never failed to amaze me no matter what life threw at him. He lost both legs in a car accident and was an amputee the rest of his life, but that never stopped him from anything not even driving or coming to school graduations or events.

Stay strong
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Old July 14th, 2017, 05:30 PM   #9
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Default Re: How long does this take?

Several responses are good, JT, but in my experience Ben Z is pretty accurate. One of my older brothers was killed by a drunk driver 6 years ago. He was 28, married 2 yrs, & his wife was 8 months pregnant. As you know, when someone you love dies, it leaves a hole in your heart & a hole in your entire life. His son Carson, now 5 years old looks very much like my brother. Sometimes that is wonderful, but sometimes seeing Carson makes me sad & angry. My brother is missing Carson's life because a guy with two DUIs was still free to drive his car the wrong way on an interstate highway. Much of my anger goes toward advocating for stricter DUI penalties.

How long does it last? Those holes I described above are SLOWLY getting smaller, but will be with me forever. One thing that helped me- my mom gave me some information about how we survivors grieve with death & dying. It did not make the pain better, but it did help me understand that my feelings of sadness, anger, emptiness, & powerlessness were all completely normal.

Google: " Kubler-Ross death & dying". Decades ago, Dr Kubler-Ross identified 7 stages of grieving we all go through, in trying to accept death. I was able to identify what stage I was in (ANGER!) & what I could expect to feel as time passes. We all have our own degree of faith & spiritual support, but I responded best to the research & science of Dr K-B.

At some point in your grieving process, maybe this information will be helpful. How do I go on every day? My brother had just finished medical school, & he had encouraged me to pursue my dream of becoming a pediatric surgeon. I start college next month, so I have a long way to go. When I would have preferred to party with friends on school nights & skip school, I remember my brother putting his arm on my shoulder & telling me, "Keep focused on your grades! You can be what you want, but you must stay focused!" When I need a push, it always feels like he is right there beside me. I can hear his voice & smell his cologne.

This might sound stupid, but I bought a bottle of the cologne he used, & when I feel down I open the top of the bottle & smell the cap. It always brings back the good memories.

Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.

Last edited by elmoc; July 14th, 2017 at 05:32 PM. Reason: Typos
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Old July 15th, 2017, 01:23 AM   #10
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Default Re: How long does this take?

even several months later, there were days i wanted to just eat ice cream and cry.

the pain window got smaller and smaller as time went on. i couldn't live normal life the first couple of weeks. but gradually, i would FOCUS on some other aspect of life. and gradually. i was able to go out again. go to school like normal. live life like normal. i never forgot. some days were worse than others. but it's normal. having something in your life to focus on helped me a lot
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Old July 15th, 2017, 02:26 AM   #11
Just JT
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Default Re: How long does this take?

Quote:
Originally Posted by elmoc View Post
Several responses are good, JT, but in my experience Ben Z is pretty accurate. One of my older brothers was killed by a drunk driver 6 years ago. He was 28, married 2 yrs, & his wife was 8 months pregnant. As you know, when someone you love dies, it leaves a hole in your heart & a hole in your entire life. His son Carson, now 5 years old looks very much like my brother. Sometimes that is wonderful, but sometimes seeing Carson makes me sad & angry. My brother is missing Carson's life because a guy with two DUIs was still free to drive his car the wrong way on an interstate highway. Much of my anger goes toward advocating for stricter DUI penalties.

How long does it last? Those holes I described above are SLOWLY getting smaller, but will be with me forever. One thing that helped me- my mom gave me some information about how we survivors grieve with death & dying. It did not make the pain better, but it did help me understand that my feelings of sadness, anger, emptiness, & powerlessness were all completely normal.

Google: " Kubler-Ross death & dying". Decades ago, Dr Kubler-Ross identified 7 stages of grieving we all go through, in trying to accept death. I was able to identify what stage I was in (ANGER!) & what I could expect to feel as time passes. We all have our own degree of faith & spiritual support, but I responded best to the research & science of Dr K-B.

At some point in your grieving process, maybe this information will be helpful. How do I go on every day? My brother had just finished medical school, & he had encouraged me to pursue my dream of becoming a pediatric surgeon. I start college next month, so I have a long way to go. When I would have preferred to party with friends on school nights & skip school, I remember my brother putting his arm on my shoulder & telling me, "Keep focused on your grades! You can be what you want, but you must stay focused!" When I need a push, it always feels like he is right there beside me. I can hear his voice & smell his cologne.

This might sound stupid, but I bought a bottle of the cologne he used, & when I feel down I open the top of the bottle & smell the cap. It always brings back the good memories.

Thanks man. That's was an awesome reply. And you had a great big bro. A good big bro. Sad to say my dad died the same kinda tragic death. But he was the drunk driver. Was always an issues with him.

I heard about stages of grieving before but never really read about it much. I will read up on it. Maybe it will help make that hole feel smaller somehow.

Thanks man, thanks to everyone for your replies
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