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Old March 11th, 2017, 10:30 PM   #1
mboy23
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Join Date: March 11, 2017
Gender: Male
Default Please listen to me

I need someone to listen to me. No one listens to me. I'm severely depressed and it's gotten worse and worse. The last year of my life has been so difficult. Every day I wake up and wonder why I'm still alive. I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live either. Living is so hard for me. I don't even know how to be happy anymore. I'm in constant pain. I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't kill myself because my younger sister has special needs and my mom needs me to help with her. My dad died a few years ago so it's just me and my mom here to take care of my sister and my mom relies on me so much. I also couldn't leave my mom and sister just out of sheer guilt. If it weren't for my sister I would kill myself. But I can't. I want to so bad though. My depression is eating me alive and even though I don't wanna leave my mom and my sister, it's getting harder every day to keep this up and I fear that soon I won't be able to take it anymore and I'm just gonna end it. It's getting so much harder every single day. I feel like I'm walking through mud and it's getting deeper and deeper and it's so heavy around my legs that I almost can't move anymore because I don't have the energy. If you're wondering why I'm depressed, I don't necessarily have any specific reason. I've thought about it a lot though and I'm fairly certain how this all started. I was bullied a lot as a kid and I always felt different and below everyone. I always felt like I wasn't good enough and I never fit it with any specific group of kids and I've never had a real best friend that I could talk to. I've never had anyone I could really talk to. And I think that all those years of abuse from other kids basically taught me to hate myself and even though I wasn't depressed when it was happening, it's caught up to me and now I truly hate myself and feel like I don't deserve to be here. I also feel like everyone hates me. I don't know for a fact that anyone actually does but that's what it feels like. Just tonight I went out with my "friends" and I couldn't even pretend to be happy I was so miserable and usually I'm good at acting like I'm okay but tonight I was so deep in my depression that I couldn't even fake it for my friends. But I kept waiting for someone to ask if I was okay and if anything was wrong but they barely even acknowledged my existence. They just kept telling me I was acting weird and went about their own business like I wasn't crying out for help. And I realized that I have no one. Truly. I just need to talk to someone because I really don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't want to leave my mom and sister but it's so so so hard. I swear every day gets harder than the last and I can feel time running out. I don't want to tell anyone either because I feel like I will never truly be able to be happy so there's no point in trying to get help. I hate myself so much and I hate waking up every single day. I just want to sleep forever.
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Old March 11th, 2017, 11:59 PM   #2
idefineme
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Name: mendy
Join Date: January 16, 2017
Location: Chicago
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Default Re: Please listen to me

I am officially.prescribed with depression. I relate to your experiences completly. My mother,the pillar of my family passed away a few years ago. If you need someone to talk to i really want to listen to every thing you have to say.

Introspective thoughtful and fragile. Love you.
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Old March 13th, 2017, 05:27 PM   #3
auser_name
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Join Date: December 3, 2016
Location: London, England, Great Britain
Age: 19
Gender: Cisgender Male
Default Re: Please listen to me

Hey, I'll listen. I know the feeling of being absolutely alone, but you're not. Trust me. People care. If you ever need to talk about something or get something of your chest please post a message on my wall. I will sit there and talk wit you for hours if you need. Right now you need a friend, and I'm willing to be that friend if you want it.
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Old March 14th, 2017, 12:51 AM   #4
Ben7
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Join Date: August 15, 2016
Location: West Coast, US
Gender: Male
Default Re: Please listen to me

Life is not always easy. Heck a lot of times it can just suck or bring you down. Often there will be difficulties. In the past for me, a lot has happened, and there were times when I just wasn't sure where everything was headed or whether it was even worth continuing. But life, despite its downs, is amazing, and I am very happy that I just kept going despite everything going against me. I hope you can find the strength to do the same. Right now it may be tough for you and very depressing, and you feel as if there is nowhere left to turn to, nobody left to talk to, nothing left to live for. I know the feeling. But also know that there are people that love you and care about you, that there is a lot more to look forward to in your life if you can just stay strong and pull through this. My advice is to keep your friends close. Talk to them about how you're feeling. Talk to your mother too about how you're feeling. Let them in on this. It's tough to keep on going when you're alone. Don't keep pushing people away - let them try to help you and listen to you.

The two users above me have graciously offered to listen to what you have to say, why not take them up on it? I would also be glad to listen to you and talk with you if you would like. Please shoot me a message or write on my wall anytime you want. I don't know much about you, beyond the small tidbits you posted here, but you seem like a kind and caring brother and son. You sound like someone who has a lot to live for but that is currently struggling with a train wreck of different worries and stresses and problems that unfortunately collided into each other all at the same time. I'd like talk with you and listen to what you have to say. It doesn't have to be me though, if you don't want. Other users here have offered the same as well. But if nobody on VT, then I hope you can find someone to talk to. I wouldn't try to go at this alone. Life sucks when you're alone.

Good luck, man.
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Old March 14th, 2017, 10:02 AM   #5
Just JT
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Name: JT
Join Date: June 27, 2015
Location: Kingdom of God
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 4
Default Re: Please listen to me

This. ^^

Me to, we're all here to listen. It's not a road you should go alone. Talk to someone, anyone....

Let us know if we can help ok?
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