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Old March 4th, 2017, 04:55 PM   #1
Dalcourt
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Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
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Default I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

I know I said I'd leave but honestly I have nobody to talk to right now.

I left my home country a few days ago to stay with my guardians. I am in a very bad mental state for some time now and getting worse everyday. Having no treatment for my bipolar and being in constant stress just made me snap.

I took a kitchen knife cutting myself with it today...my guardian wanted to take it from me and we started arguing. I got more and more enraged and as she tried to grip my wrist to wrestle the knife from me I just snapped and stabbed her hand with it.
She started screaming and I saw a lot of blood...I just dropped the knife and run.
I'm in a foreign city in a foreign country I don't even know where I'm right now. I don't even know how to get back.
I have no idea what to do now...I can't talk to anybody...I'm completely lost and freaked out.
I don't know how this could happen....I'm becoming what I always feared to be.

I am not even sure why I write this
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Old March 4th, 2017, 06:58 PM   #2
Amethyst Rose
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

@Peanut_

It hurts knowing that you are going through this. What hurts even more is that I don't feel like there's any way I can help. Please take some time to calm yourself down. When you're ready, explain to your guardian that if you were in a better state of mind, you would have had more control over yourself and wouldn't have hurt her. Is there any way you can obtain treatment for your bipolar?

Going somewhere completely foreign to what you've known would be very overwhelming. Instead of looking at it as one big undiscovered place, take it in in small parts. Slowly familiarize yourself with the area around where you're living, the places you go frequently, then branch out, taking it a little at a time.

You're an amazing person and there were times I honestly don't know what I would have done without you. I know you're capable of handling anything life throws your way. I'm always here for you if you need to talk.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
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Old March 4th, 2017, 08:40 PM   #3
idefineme
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

Ditto everything from amethyst and don't take this the wrong way it sounds like you need support right now and that's ok. It just sounds like you need more help than the assets you have right now can provide. There are hotlines that you can call if you need someone to talk to,which is completely normal. Maybe you need the emergency room. What is important is not the problem it's what is the solution and these things are a start. (Btw er can be really helpful.

Introspective thoughtful and fragile. Love you.
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Old March 5th, 2017, 12:13 AM   #4
Pyromaniac27
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

dude i don't know what to say other than go back and try to oppoligize.

sorry but thats the only thing i can think of

oh and maybe turn yourself in to a cop, they are probably looking for you, your guardian probably was worried sick and called to report you missing or something (sorry for the wording btw)

"Fire, by that definition, is vibrantly alive. It eats everything from wood to flesh, excreting the waste as ash, and it breathes air just like a human, taking in oxygen and emitting carbon. Fire grows, and as it spreads, it creates new fires that spread out and make new fires of their own."
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Old March 9th, 2017, 01:55 PM   #5
Just JT
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

Tyler you wrote this cause you needed someone to talk with. Sorry I wasn't here for you bro. That's on me. I hope your ok. Please post and let us know or email me or something

We all love you and are worried. Just be cool and try and explain stuff. People will listen ok?
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Old March 9th, 2017, 05:41 PM   #6
Dmaxd123
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

i would say visit the nearest police station, they will help you get in touch with your guardians as well as help you find some emergency mental health care options to help you out.

good for you on realizing though that you have a problem and want to fix it. hope all is well
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Old March 10th, 2017, 11:07 PM   #7
Just JT
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

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i would say visit the nearest police station, they will help you get in touch with your guardians as well as help you find some emergency mental health care options to help you out.

good for you on realizing though that you have a problem and want to fix it. hope all is well
It's not always that easy in some families, but I'm pretty sure ty appreciates your concern. You show good intentions as a good VT'er should. Thanks on his behalf
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Old March 10th, 2017, 11:17 PM   #8
Beauregard
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

That's really a huge mess you are in right now. It's been quite a few days ago so I'm not sure if you still need advice.

I would say go back and try to apologise and explain. @Just JT do you know this person? Have you heared from him? Sorry I'm nosey ...just had a friend with similar stuff happening.
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Old March 10th, 2017, 11:22 PM   #9
Just JT
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

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That's really a huge mess you are in right now. It's been quite a few days ago so I'm not sure if you still need advice.

I would say go back and try to apologise and explain. @Just JT do you know this person? Have you heared from him? Sorry I'm nosey ...just had a friend with similar stuff happening.
I do know him. I consider him a very close friend. No I have not heard from him
I'm very worried for him. I hope he logs on or sees emails I've sent or something

I feel I shoulda been there for him as a friend and I've been mixed up in my own shit and let him down.

He needs friends right now
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Old March 10th, 2017, 11:29 PM   #10
Beauregard
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

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I do know him. I consider him a very close friend. No I have not heard from him
I'm very worried for him. I hope he logs on or sees emails I've sent or something

I feel I shoulda been there for him as a friend and I've been mixed up in my own shit and let him down.

He needs friends right now
I see. I was really just wondering.

So I'm not sure if it's good or bad if you have not heared from him.
Could mean he got some help and is in a safe place now to relax. Or like my friend he got locked up for assault. So let's hope you hear from him.
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Old March 14th, 2017, 09:27 AM   #11
Just JT
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Default Re: I made a huge mistake and don't know how to go on

Just got an email from Peanut. He's ok, said not to to worry, but can't be on line ATM.
Thought you'd like to know.
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