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Old February 2nd, 2017, 06:04 PM   #1
brandon9
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Default Atypical Depression

I finally caved and went to see the doctor today, and he said I exhibit strong signs of atypical depression. I'm pretty unhappy over this. I'm fighting it, I don't want him to diagnose me. I can't have that over my head again, and I certainly can't have it in my medical records because of the career I want. I see the connections and I don't want to accept they're true even though I know they are.

If anyone has any advice, anything at all, I'd love to hear it. This sucks.
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Old February 2nd, 2017, 06:32 PM   #2
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

I don't quite know what you are seeking for but here is my thoughts. From an ethical pov, knowingly hiding a medical condition is wrong isn't it especially if you think it might disqualify you?

On the other hand, if you are concerned but want to see help without a diagnosis, you can do it overseas or engage a therapist who has no legal medical diagnosing rights. Seeking treatment from a doctor can be "dangerous" since doctors maybe ethically bound to report such cases to the relevant authorities.

In terms of mental health issues and employment with law enforcement agencies, most places will require you to take a psychological exam. Unless you have high functioning depression, a good psychologist should be able to pick up signs of depression as long as you don't lie.

While past mental health issues may be a reason to not recommend employment, there is no fixed rule that I know of. If they do psychological testing when considering you for the career path you wish to pursue it might be best to get all mental health issue sorted soon as they are generally less concerned over a diagnosis that is resolved 2 years ago. A good comprehensive psychological test can easily pick up depression as they look for patterns and they will know if you try to out guess the test. The only assured way of beating the test is to know the contents of the test and to find out the range of "acceptable" answers. However, it is unlikely that you can find any info as only qualified psychologists are allowed assess to these test materials.

I guess as a first step, how about talking to the doctor hypothetically about the impacts of such a diagnosis without agreeing to be examined? At least this way you have a better understanding on the potential implications. Even if you reject getting a diagnosis now, it may always come back to haunt you during your psychological evaluation at a later date.

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Old February 2nd, 2017, 09:13 PM   #3
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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Originally Posted by bentheplayer View Post
I don't quite know what you are seeking for but here is my thoughts. From an ethical pov, knowingly hiding a medical condition is wrong isn't it especially if you think it might disqualify you?

On the other hand, if you are concerned but want to see help without a diagnosis, you can do it overseas or engage a therapist who has no legal medical diagnosing rights. Seeking treatment from a doctor can be "dangerous" since doctors maybe ethically bound to report such cases to the relevant authorities.

In terms of mental health issues and employment with law enforcement agencies, most places will require you to take a psychological exam. Unless you have high functioning depression, a good psychologist should be able to pick up signs of depression as long as you don't lie.

While past mental health issues may be a reason to not recommend employment, there is no fixed rule that I know of. If they do psychological testing when considering you for the career path you wish to pursue it might be best to get all mental health issue sorted soon as they are generally less concerned over a diagnosis that is resolved 2 years ago. A good comprehensive psychological test can easily pick up depression as they look for patterns and they will know if you try to out guess the test. The only assured way of beating the test is to know the contents of the test and to find out the range of "acceptable" answers. However, it is unlikely that you can find any info as only qualified psychologists are allowed assess to these test materials.

I guess as a first step, how about talking to the doctor hypothetically about the impacts of such a diagnosis without agreeing to be examined? At least this way you have a better understanding on the potential implications. Even if you reject getting a diagnosis now, it may always come back to haunt you during your psychological evaluation at a later date.
For me, I want to deal with behavioral analysis, which requires a background in psychology and in which I do need to pass psych evals. I worry that with diagnosed depression on my health records, my dream of profiling for the FBI is impossible.

The doctor has known me for years, he knows my situation and he's empathetic to my views on diagnosis. But, like he said, I've got so many markers for it that it's pretty much irrefutable. It makes sense. It explains a lot about me. He reccomended at least doing therapy, if nothing else, to try and work on some issues. But my other issue is that I do NOT want my parents involved in this at all. They simply wouldn't understand and I'd lose access to a lot of shit if they were aware.

I just don't know what to do... I know I should get help, but I can't help but feel that it's going to fuck my life over worse by doing it.
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Old February 2nd, 2017, 10:24 PM   #4
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

First I would like to tell you one thing. Never, and I really mean never, try to life with mental health problems without getting help and "fighting it" alone. It's a common and dangerous misconception that one can do this. It can get highly dangerous and end really bad for you or others around you.

I understand that you dream of a certain job and are afraid you aren't able to do it with your condition. But don't you think there are certain requirements for certain jobs for a reason? If you don't get a diagnosis and treatment now and have to do certain requirements tests do you think you will pass them with all that looming over you?

I would say maybe go to another doctor...a second or even third opinion can never hurt, right? If you get the results that you have this mental health issues you have to accept it and get the respective treatment.
This gives you way better chances for your future than try to fight things alone in secret. By doing the second be sure you'll fail sooner or later. Only working on these issues with a professional might help you in succeed and life a good life in the long run.
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Old February 2nd, 2017, 10:56 PM   #5
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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Originally Posted by Peanut_ View Post
First I would like to tell you one thing. Never, and I really mean never, try to life with mental health problems without getting help and "fighting it" alone. It's a common and dangerous misconception that one can do this. It can get highly dangerous and end really bad for you or others around you.

I understand that you dream of a certain job and are afraid you aren't able to do it with your condition. But don't you think there are certain requirements for certain jobs for a reason? If you don't get a diagnosis and treatment now and have to do certain requirements tests do you think you will pass them with all that looming over you?

I would say maybe go to another doctor...a second or even third opinion can never hurt, right? If you get the results that you have this mental health issues you have to accept it and get the respective treatment.
This gives you way better chances for your future than try to fight things alone in secret. By doing the second be sure you'll fail sooner or later. Only working on these issues with a professional might help you in succeed and life a good life in the long run.
I just don't trust that anyone else would understand, hell I don't even fully understand myself. I feel like anyone I tell or go to see is just going to judge me like everybody has my entire life. I'm so used to being alone and rejected and dealing with all my problems myself that the idea of accepting help is borderline insane to me. Which is probably evidence of my fucked up mental state.

The thing that scares me about the job thing is that even if I didn't aim specifically to profile, ANY job in the criminal justice field requires sound mental health. If I allow a diagnosis, I'm effectively shutting myself out of the only career path I've ever been passionate about pursuing. I might as well not even go to college, because getting a degree in criminal justice would be a waste of time and money if I'll never get hired anywhere based on prior mental issues. My whole future rests on that diagnosis.

Another thing is, even if I did accept help, I have no clue how I'd get it without involving my parents, which is not something I want to do. They're overbearing enough as it is, and if I get clinically diagnosed and seek treatment, they'll flip shit and lock me down. The few freedoms I do have will disappear.
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Old February 2nd, 2017, 11:19 PM   #6
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

Your profile says you are already 18 so why do you need to get your parents involved?
And you feel they might get mad if you seek professional help for mental issues? Well I'm clearly not in the position to criticise anyone's parents and also would not do that anyway but I'm afraid for you they are also part of your mental health issues here.

Therefore as I said, and even as I know it's hard to trust someone with stuff like that, you need to get help be it with or without the parents involved.
You don't have to do this alone sure one always has the feeling of being judged and honestly I hate talking to any kind of doctor myself but some things you just can't do alone.

I understand your fears about job opportunities and honestly I'm not too sure about the law enforcement field since I am working towards a career in the medical field but do you really think it will be that bad?
I mean you have a form of depression and if it's successfully treated would this really prevent you from getting a job there? As I said I dunno....have you asked about it somewhere?
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Old February 2nd, 2017, 11:41 PM   #7
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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Your profile says you are already 18 so why do you need to get your parents involved?
And you feel they might get mad if you seek professional help for mental issues? Well I'm clearly not in the position to criticise anyone's parents and also would not do that anyway but I'm afraid for you they are also part of your mental health issues here.

Therefore as I said, and even as I know it's hard to trust someone with stuff like that, you need to get help be it with or without the parents involved.
You don't have to do this alone sure one always has the feeling of being judged and honestly I hate talking to any kind of doctor myself but some things you just can't do alone.

I understand your fears about job opportunities and honestly I'm not too sure about the law enforcement field since I am working towards a career in the medical field but do you really think it will be that bad?
I mean you have a form of depression and if it's successfully treated would this really prevent you from getting a job there? As I said I dunno....have you asked about it somewhere?
I'm still technically in high school even though I'm a college sophomore. I still live under their roof, and I'm on their insurance. They'd see via insurance as soon as I went to someone. It's not that my parents are bad people, I just know they would react in a way that wouldn't be helpful, particularly my mom. They are very overbearing and overprotective of me because my sister was a horrible child, it has fucked me over for years.

I wouldn't even know how to find a good doctor, therapist, whatever. My primary doctor can't be the go-to. I have no clue about vetting mental health professionals, and I'll be damned before I go see somebody who's going to talk down at me, act like I'm a clueless kid, or pull some stupid shit besides. Nobody is going to lay me on a couch and tell me to close my eyes and discuss my dreams or some other shit like that, which I know does happen depending on the person. I would only see a younger doctor, 40 and below, preferably early 30s, I would want someone who could potentially relate to me instead of "by the book" me. Essentially I want Robin Williams from Good Will Hunting if I'm seeing a MH doctor.

And yes, it can turn out badly. They'll see it as a sign of potential problems, that I would be prone to emotional impulse reactions , impaired judgement, and the like. Both professors I've had and the many people in law enforcement I know say it is pretty much essential to have a good bill of mental health.

Last edited by brandon9; February 2nd, 2017 at 11:45 PM.
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Old February 3rd, 2017, 04:04 AM   #8
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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Originally Posted by brandon9 View Post
For me, I want to deal with behavioral analysis, which requires a background in psychology and in which I do need to pass psych evals. I worry that with diagnosed depression on my health records, my dream of profiling for the FBI is impossible.

The doctor has known me for years, he knows my situation and he's empathetic to my views on diagnosis. But, like he said, I've got so many markers for it that it's pretty much irrefutable. It makes sense. It explains a lot about me. He reccomended at least doing therapy, if nothing else, to try and work on some issues. But my other issue is that I do NOT want my parents involved in this at all. They simply wouldn't understand and I'd lose access to a lot of shit if they were aware.

I just don't know what to do... I know I should get help, but I can't help but feel that it's going to fuck my life over worse by doing it.
This pretty much sounds like a conundrum. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Either way this might catch up with you. If you are already in uni, do u have access to psychology prof? You could ask them about your condition hypothetically from an educational pov so that at least you can find out non-pharma ways of treatment or self-help techniques?

If I am not wrong, all comprehensive psychological evaluations will also ask you if had counselling in the past. Anyways its something you have to decide and has to be a decision you can live with. I really shouldn't be explaining more about psychological evaluations as it might be unethical. However, if you are interested in understanding psychological evaluations academically, you can try to gain access to the various guidelines on such tests from APA.

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Old February 3rd, 2017, 10:32 AM   #9
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

Sorry, late reply.
Well I know it's hard to find the right therapist, been there done that. And that you are mentally opposed to go and see one and have a certain picture of how your therapist should be like in mind will make it even more difficult I'm afraid.

Still I think you should try it.And of course first of all talk to your parents about it. You are not your sister, they have to understand this and overprotective or not your health should not suffer because of this.

What @bentheplayer said about talking to a uni prof might also be a real good idea.

f you want to pursue a career in law enforcement it should be your wish to do your best to help others so impulse decisions or impaired judgement might lead to real bad mistakes. Do you really want to be responsible for what such mistakes could lead to for you and others if you leave your problems untreated and don't tell anyone about it just to get a certain job?
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Old February 3rd, 2017, 10:38 AM   #10
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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This pretty much sounds like a conundrum. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Either way this might catch up with you. If you are already in uni, do u have access to psychology prof? You could ask them about your condition hypothetically from an educational pov so that at least you can find out non-pharma ways of treatment or self-help techniques?

If I am not wrong, all comprehensive psychological evaluations will also ask you if had counselling in the past. Anyways its something you have to decide and has to be a decision you can live with. I really shouldn't be explaining more about psychological evaluations as it might be unethical. However, if you are interested in understanding psychological evaluations academically, you can try to gain access to the various guidelines on such tests from APA.
At the moment, my education is through community college. I'm sure there is a psychology professor somewhere, but I have never been in contact with one. I don't go to my 4-year school until this fall, provided I find a way to pay for it, which is a whole other issue. But, yes, in a way you are right. I'm kinda fucked either way, I guess my thing is I'm very good at hiding how fucking messed up I am in day to day interactions, nobody really knows I have problems unless I tell them I do. I'm good at acting I guess.

I would be open to a psychological evaluation provided that nothing was reported, and that I could find a way around my parents being involved, but as I understand it these things get pricey very quickly and without insurance it'd be next to impossible.
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Old February 3rd, 2017, 11:39 AM   #11
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

Now in this issue, I am trying to be as ethical as I can so I feel that I can't tell you exactly how to "cheat" the psychological testing. Understand that when you see a doctor you have the right to request not be officially diagnosed and can discuss what a specific diagnosis mean. This is so that in a legal sense you don't have such a diagnosis on ur record. The flip side to this is that if ur condition still prevails till when u r subjected to a psychological evaluation for pre-employment purposes, there is a good chance that it will be picked up.

Generally, to ensure the integrity of psychological test, test subjects are never allowed access to the test materials and only a registered certified psychologist would be able to access the actual material from data bases like APA. One way of circumventing this is that some schools have a blanket subscription to all academic databases and it might be possible to find info on the evaluation process of such tests. However, even if are able to gain access to the test protocol and evaluation process, it would be difficult to know what test the various agencies will use. Furthermore, any self-respecting agency would keep such details private and would employ measures to prevent "fraud".

So the way I see it is you have 2 choices really.
1. Get help, accept any possible diagnosis and be treated asap so that you can say it no longer affects you during ur interview. (Depression is actually a very common issue, I think the stats is abt 1 in 10 will get it in their life time but u should confirm the stats. I am bad with remembering numbers. You can even use this to explain that you take mental health issue very seriously and actively self evaluate for such a possibility. i.e. prove to the employment psychologist that you recognize this issue and actively watch for it. This should be a plus since everyone can get depression even those in active duty. It is better to be perceived as self-aware than to be in denial/ignorant)

2. Try to self help for now by seeking help through hypothetical scenarios which generally have a lower success rate. This way you won't have a diagnosis but it could well be caught out at a later date. i.e. you are taking chance that the eventual psychological evaluation you must take won't detect any issue.

While a past history of depression won't immediately exclude you, between similar candidates you know that most likely they will pick one without any such past history. So either way it is still a game of chance which is why I said you need to pick one that you can live with. Also, since mental health is merely one aspect but you can't change this disadvantage, if i were you, I will start to find alternative ways to beef up my CV. Make it such that your past history of depression looks trivial compared to what you have to offer. For a start, get excellent grades, look for internships, go into research etc. Get things that prove ur ability and passion for what you want to do.

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Old February 3rd, 2017, 08:52 PM   #12
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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Originally Posted by bentheplayer View Post
Now in this issue, I am trying to be as ethical as I can so I feel that I can't tell you exactly how to "cheat" the psychological testing. Understand that when you see a doctor you have the right to request not be officially diagnosed and can discuss what a specific diagnosis mean. This is so that in a legal sense you don't have such a diagnosis on ur record. The flip side to this is that if ur condition still prevails till when u r subjected to a psychological evaluation for pre-employment purposes, there is a good chance that it will be picked up.

Generally, to ensure the integrity of psychological test, test subjects are never allowed access to the test materials and only a registered certified psychologist would be able to access the actual material from data bases like APA. One way of circumventing this is that some schools have a blanket subscription to all academic databases and it might be possible to find info on the evaluation process of such tests. However, even if are able to gain access to the test protocol and evaluation process, it would be difficult to know what test the various agencies will use. Furthermore, any self-respecting agency would keep such details private and would employ measures to prevent "fraud".

So the way I see it is you have 2 choices really.
1. Get help, accept any possible diagnosis and be treated asap so that you can say it no longer affects you during ur interview. (Depression is actually a very common issue, I think the stats is abt 1 in 10 will get it in their life time but u should confirm the stats. I am bad with remembering numbers. You can even use this to explain that you take mental health issue very seriously and actively self evaluate for such a possibility. i.e. prove to the employment psychologist that you recognize this issue and actively watch for it. This should be a plus since everyone can get depression even those in active duty. It is better to be perceived as self-aware than to be in denial/ignorant)

2. Try to self help for now by seeking help through hypothetical scenarios which generally have a lower success rate. This way you won't have a diagnosis but it could well be caught out at a later date. i.e. you are taking chance that the eventual psychological evaluation you must take won't detect any issue.

While a past history of depression won't immediately exclude you, between similar candidates you know that most likely they will pick one without any such past history. So either way it is still a game of chance which is why I said you need to pick one that you can live with. Also, since mental health is merely one aspect but you can't change this disadvantage, if i were you, I will start to find alternative ways to beef up my CV. Make it such that your past history of depression looks trivial compared to what you have to offer. For a start, get excellent grades, look for internships, go into research etc. Get things that prove ur ability and passion for what you want to do.
After a conversation I had today with someone who was once very close to me (and still is important to me), I'm more inclined to go the treatment route, she made some points that hit home in a way only she could. And given it was the last time we'll ever talk, I'm really inclined to take her advice, I trust her more than anyone else.

I still face the problem of finding someone, and of getting around my parents. From what I understand, initial consultations with licensed professionals can range up to $500, and most hour-long therapy sessions fall between $100 and $200. There's no way I can afford that kind of thing, even working like I do, and scheduling would be a problem as again I do not want my parents involved at all. I just don't see a road where involving them is a good idea, not because they aren't good parents, but because they'd totally overreact.

My biggest fear is that I'm just screwing my chances of doing what I want to do. Like nothing in my life seems fair on a day to day basis, but this is particularly unfair I feel. I didn't ask to be fucked up, I didn't ask for my life to be an endless shitstorm, but I'm stuck with it and it's affecting my potential for any sort of good future. I'm just very stressed out about that.
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Old February 3rd, 2017, 09:00 PM   #13
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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Sorry, late reply.
Well I know it's hard to find the right therapist, been there done that. And that you are mentally opposed to go and see one and have a certain picture of how your therapist should be like in mind will make it even more difficult I'm afraid.

Still I think you should try it.And of course first of all talk to your parents about it. You are not your sister, they have to understand this and overprotective or not your health should not suffer because of this.

What @bentheplayer said about talking to a uni prof might also be a real good idea.

f you want to pursue a career in law enforcement it should be your wish to do your best to help others so impulse decisions or impaired judgement might lead to real bad mistakes. Do you really want to be responsible for what such mistakes could lead to for you and others if you leave your problems untreated and don't tell anyone about it just to get a certain job?

I totally missed this until now, I lost it in between other posts. I just know a lot of therapists are essentially bullshit artists, unfortunately, and if I go down this road and commit to it, I'm having someone who understands and acts like more than a witch doctor. If I'm going, all my shit is getting laid on the table. I need someone who will help me work through it.

I just don't like the idea of involving my parents - I don't even know how I would begin that conversation. Let alone I know for a fact they'd totally overreact, especially my mom, I just really don't like the idea. It unsettles me. I can count on my fingers how many times in my life I've ever gone to talk to my parents about a problem, I just don't open up like that to them. I never have.

The thing is though, I know I don't make impulsive decisions. Im a functional depressive, I get up every day and manage to go to school and work and everything else, even if I'm acting like I'm not messed up like I do, I still get shit done. I think very rationally when it comes to choices I make. Unfortunately, anyone is going to see the label associated with me and automatically assume I am not functional and that I am prone to making impulse decisions., that emotions cloud my judgement. In reality the only emotions I feel are pain, sadness, and loneliness anyhow, so I mean what about that is going to cloud my thinking? I want to help people and prevent them from experiencing bad shit, bad shit is all I know lol.
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Old February 3rd, 2017, 11:25 PM   #14
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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I totally missed this until now, I lost it in between other posts. I just know a lot of therapists are essentially bullshit artists, unfortunately, and if I go down this road and commit to it, I'm having someone who understands and acts like more than a witch doctor. If I'm going, all my shit is getting laid on the table. I need someone who will help me work through it
Well I guess you are right and I don't try to tell you other wise. There are many therapists out there who are really bad, do more harm than good or are just after the money. Sometimes I wonder if you even need any qualifications to become a therapist? Anyway it is a lot of work to find the right therapist took me really long but after my last breakdown they found me a real great one that helped me a lot. So I won't bullshit you in telling you that you will go to the first therapist and everything will be fine. But yeah I have learnt stuff about myself, my illness and how to help myself even from the worst of therapists I had...so I would not give up on it completely.
Another thing I did was reading all information about my illness I could get not only mainstream self help books but stuff from the university library.

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I just don't like the idea of involving my parents - I don't even know how I would begin that conversation. Let alone I know for a fact they'd totally overreact, especially my mom, I just really don't like the idea. It unsettles me. I can count on my fingers how many times in my life I've ever gone to talk to my parents about a problem, I just don't open up like that to them. I never have
Well I can't give you tips on that one since I really don't understand it.My Dad isn't really a good person but the only constant in my life so who could I talk to and trust if not him? I was always open about everything with him so for me it's hard to understand how someone cannot do this. But yeah I know that a lot of people don't really talk to their parents for whatever reason. So if you want to do something about your problems you will have to talk to them and be it just for health insurance coverage reasons but how to start this talk I honestly don't know. I never had to start talks like that since it was always others who did that like my Dad asking what's wrong or my doctor talking to my Dad about it

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The thing is though, I know I don't make impulsive decisions. Im a functional depressive, I get up every day and manage to go to school and work and everything else, even if I'm acting like I'm not messed up like I do, I still get shit done. I think very rationally when it comes to choices I make. Unfortunately, anyone is going to see the label associated with me and automatically assume I am not functional and that I am prone to making impulse decisions., that emotions cloud my judgement. In reality the only emotions I feel are pain, sadness, and loneliness anyhow, so I mean what about that is going to cloud my thinking? I want to help people and prevent them from experiencing bad shit, bad shit is all I know lol.
I understand that high functioning part and all but doesn't it cost you a lot of strength?
I mean it's not like I have the possibility of running around and can open up to everyone about how I feel and get pampered and all.
On the outside I have to be normal and don't talk about feelings. Where I come from you don't have depression or mental health problems ... you have to suck it up and don't be whiney, lol.

But yeah I can't always keep that up so I need at least my home where I can let my guard down and act how I feel...and since I get suicidal and harm myself my Dad needed to secretly find me some therapists for help, lol.

So what I wanna say is I totally believe you that you function totally normal in day to day life and don't run around acting like a nut case but don't you think this keeping up appearances will drain you more and more? I mean will do you think you will still be able to keep this up when you are 40 work a stressful job in law enforcement and your wife and kids won't give you a rest at home? What if you get some sort of breakdown then? This would ruin much more than trying to get help now.

So there's no ideal solution to this problem but hiding and suppresseing it won't make it go away...so try to work on it as much as you can without getting officially diagnosed if you don't want that.
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Old February 4th, 2017, 04:45 AM   #15
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

If you intend to go for treatment, I would highly suggest that you see a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. The benefits of seeing a clinically qualified person is that they are less likely to be influenced by pseudo-psychology or pop psychology. Tbh even till now I have some difficulty differentiate between what is true psychology and not. If you want meds you will need a psychiatrist as generally only they can prescribe.

If cost is a concern, how about checking with your campus health service/student office? Normally if the school is large enough they will provide such services either for free, at a nominal cost or even in-built as part of ur tuition fees. While clinical services might be chargeable, student counselling while less qualified is usually free and can offer you some self-help techniques.

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Old February 6th, 2017, 12:52 PM   #16
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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Well I guess you are right and I don't try to tell you other wise. There are many therapists out there who are really bad, do more harm than good or are just after the money. Sometimes I wonder if you even need any qualifications to become a therapist? Anyway it is a lot of work to find the right therapist took me really long but after my last breakdown they found me a real great one that helped me a lot. So I won't bullshit you in telling you that you will go to the first therapist and everything will be fine. But yeah I have learnt stuff about myself, my illness and how to help myself even from the worst of therapists I had...so I would not give up on it completely.
Another thing I did was reading all information about my illness I could get not only mainstream self help books but stuff from the university library.
When I was little, probably 7 or so, my parents decided we needed family counseling because my sister was so fucking bad, and I remember distinctly that the guy was an absolute joke. I've never had a good view of counseling/therapy since.

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Well I can't give you tips on that one since I really don't understand it.My Dad isn't really a good person but the only constant in my life so who could I talk to and trust if not him? I was always open about everything with him so for me it's hard to understand how someone cannot do this. But yeah I know that a lot of people don't really talk to their parents for whatever reason. So if you want to do something about your problems you will have to talk to them and be it just for health insurance coverage reasons but how to start this talk I honestly don't know. I never had to start talks like that since it was always others who did that like my Dad asking what's wrong or my doctor talking to my Dad about it
I just don't like my parents being involved that deeply. I never have been one to run to my parents if stuff goes wrong, I just deal with it myself, I see it as a line between my life and theirs and they don't need to cross it. The overbearingness is annoying to me, my parents always want to play 20 Questions about everything and I don't like it. I'm highly independent and to drag them in and make my issue theirs isn't high on my list of wants.

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I understand that high functioning part and all but doesn't it cost you a lot of strength?
I mean it's not like I have the possibility of running around and can open up to everyone about how I feel and get pampered and all.
On the outside I have to be normal and don't talk about feelings. Where I come from you don't have depression or mental health problems ... you have to suck it up and don't be whiney, lol.

But yeah I can't always keep that up so I need at least my home where I can let my guard down and act how I feel...and since I get suicidal and harm myself my Dad needed to secretly find me some therapists for help, lol.

So what I wanna say is I totally believe you that you function totally normal in day to day life and don't run around acting like a nut case but don't you think this keeping up appearances will drain you more and more? I mean will do you think you will still be able to keep this up when you are 40 work a stressful job in law enforcement and your wife and kids won't give you a rest at home? What if you get some sort of breakdown then? This would ruin much more than trying to get help now.

So there's no ideal solution to this problem but hiding and suppresseing it won't make it go away...so try to work on it as much as you can without getting officially diagnosed if you don't want that.
I'm in the same boat, to show signs of mental health issues is a sign of weakness in my area. I was bullied for years and years, I don't show weakness now, I'd rather come off as an aggressive, arrogant dick than to be seen as weak and have shit start from it. But it's kind of the same way at home for me, I can't let shit slip or my parents find out, and then I'm stuck in the place of being a very independent person yet having them try to control everything. It just doesn't lend itself. My teacher of 2 years (3rd class with him) asked me just this morning if I'm okay, said he worries about me, I just passed it off and said I was tired from last night. And then I mentally kicked myself for being so inattentive as to let something in my guard down.

Im always drained, either from health issues or stress or everything else, I'm used to operating on the brink. But honestly if I make it to 40 and have a wife and kids and a good job I want, I'd be ecstatic, it would mean I beat the odds and found somebody, had a family, got a job after college. All the shit that is 90% impossible to even conceive of now.

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If you intend to go for treatment, I would highly suggest that you see a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. The benefits of seeing a clinically qualified person is that they are less likely to be influenced by pseudo-psychology or pop psychology. Tbh even till now I have some difficulty differentiate between what is true psychology and not. If you want meds you will need a psychiatrist as generally only they can prescribe.

If cost is a concern, how about checking with your campus health service/student office? Normally if the school is large enough they will provide such services either for free, at a nominal cost or even in-built as part of ur tuition fees. While clinical services might be chargeable, student counselling while less qualified is usually free and can offer you some self-help techniques.
I'm looking into the differences. I still haven't taken any drastic steps other than research at this point.

But, involving either of my school's counseling/health services isn't such a hot idea in my mind. Then the school knows shit is up, that doesn't end so well in my world. I'd rather pay for someone I had no prior association with at all than to tie my education into my fucked up mental issues.
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Old February 6th, 2017, 05:08 PM   #17
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

Ethically since u r already past 18, even the schl health service can't tell the schl what is wrong. Ur clinical data shld be stored such that only clinicians can
access it and not the schl. Of cos its better not to chance it but if cost is a concern its likely to be the cheapest way unless u can find some free clinic.

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Old February 6th, 2017, 05:23 PM   #18
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

Here's my 2 cents

1). Get a diagnoses. Without one it's impossible to treat you and track improvement. There has to model for health care professionals to use and work with. Otherwise it's kinda like a crap shoot

2). About any potential employers finding something? They will only know what you share or allow them To know. Your doctor can not share any details about you and your health without your permission. So they can test you to check you out, and if your in treatment, on meds etc, you may be in good shape to handle that well.

3) your parents knowing? They might know you saw a doctor, but that's it. Your 18 and have a right to privacy. It's balled HIPPA privacy laws. It's a federal
Law, and if violated people can loose their jobs. You'll be safe withbthag.

You don't need to say anything to anyone you don't wana
So look for a doctor you trust
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Old February 15th, 2017, 10:43 PM   #19
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

I told my dad yesterday that I am depressed. And I told him about everything with Lily. I am now on amitriptyline, again. Higher dose than I was a year and a half ago. Not going to therapy, its just not possible due to time and cost factors. As of now my mother doesn't know anything, just my dad, don't know if that'll stay the same or not. It wasn't much of a surprise to him I guess... So that's the current situation with that.

As far as the Lily thing, I'm still pretty fucked up over it, I just can't shake it. It hurts. I think about her all day, even if I try to distract myself and avoid it. I really am out of ideas on that front, I guess I just get to suffer lol.
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Old February 16th, 2017, 11:17 PM   #20
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Default Re: Atypical Depression

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I told my dad yesterday that I am depressed. And I told him about everything with Lily. I am now on amitriptyline, again. Higher dose than I was a year and a half ago. Not going to therapy, its just not possible due to time and cost factors. As of now my mother doesn't know anything, just my dad, don't know if that'll stay the same or not. It wasn't much of a surprise to him I guess... So that's the current situation with that.

As far as the Lily thing, I'm still pretty fucked up over it, I just can't shake it. It hurts. I think about her all day, even if I try to distract myself and avoid it. I really am out of ideas on that front, I guess I just get to suffer lol.
Hopefully talking to your Dad and being on meds helps you a bit.
About Lily...guess at the moment there's really nothing much apart from suffering you can do I won't lie to you here. If you can't find a way to get into a relationship with her which isn't possible as you said. The only other option you have is getting over her and that will probably be a long and painful process.
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