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Old October 6th, 2016, 02:21 AM   #1
colorfulights
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Join Date: November 14, 2015
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Default I Feel So Alone

I'm not looking for attention or anything, just advice and encouragement to make the right decision.
So I think I have quite a few things going for me. Depression, developing anorexia, possibly bipolar disorder. But I don't have anyone to confide in and it's slowly killing me. Some days are really good and I feel on top of the world, but days like today are just so numbing. What's the point of even waking up in the morning? I'm usually a straight A student in classes but lately I don't even do half of my homework and I'm pretty sure my grades are dropping. And I feel worthless for a long list of reasons. But my point is, how do I get help? I don't want to worry my mom and my friends basically have no emotional depth.

Deeper explanation, skip to the bottom if you don't care:
I have made a few small comments to two of them. The first one over text I told them about how I felt like it was just going down and that it was all coming back (my past depression), but he just told me not worry and that's it'll get better... I guess assuming I was only in a bad mood 😒. The other one, my best friend, doesn't even really ask me about it at all. I don't know if she could handle hearing about it. I once tried to tell my mother about my past depression and told me to stop because she couldn't take it.

So what do I do? I'm just stuck in this spiral and I know it stems from my own self hate but everything that's getting worse (like my grades) is just making it worse.
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Old October 6th, 2016, 09:49 AM   #2
Rickk
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by colorfulights View Post
I'm not looking for attention or anything, just advice and encouragement to make the right decision.
So I think I have quite a few things going for me. Depression, developing anorexia, possibly bipolar disorder. But I don't have anyone to confide in and it's slowly killing me. Some days are really good and I feel on top of the world, but days like today are just so numbing. What's the point of even waking up in the morning? I'm usually a straight A student in classes but lately I don't even do half of my homework and I'm pretty sure my grades are dropping. And I feel worthless for a long list of reasons. But my point is, how do I get help? I don't want to worry my mom and my friends basically have no emotional depth.

Deeper explanation, skip to the bottom if you don't care:
I have made a few small comments to two of them. The first one over text I told them about how I felt like it was just going down and that it was all coming back (my past depression), but he just told me not worry and that's it'll get better... I guess assuming I was only in a bad mood 😒. The other one, my best friend, doesn't even really ask me about it at all. I don't know if she could handle hearing about it. I once tried to tell my mother about my past depression and told me to stop because she couldn't take it.

So what do I do? I'm just stuck in this spiral and I know it stems from my own self hate but everything that's getting worse (like my grades) is just making it worse.
Maybe you should see a psychologist to help you. But deeper, I think that's all about us. Why don't you try meeting new people and going to places you don't go often ? Maybe ut can make you feel better.
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Old October 6th, 2016, 08:29 PM   #3
Microcosm
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Default Re: I Feel So Alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by colorfulights View Post
I'm not looking for attention or anything, just advice and encouragement to make the right decision.
So I think I have quite a few things going for me. Depression, developing anorexia, possibly bipolar disorder. But I don't have anyone to confide in and it's slowly killing me. Some days are really good and I feel on top of the world, but days like today are just so numbing. What's the point of even waking up in the morning? I'm usually a straight A student in classes but lately I don't even do half of my homework and I'm pretty sure my grades are dropping. And I feel worthless for a long list of reasons. But my point is, how do I get help? I don't want to worry my mom and my friends basically have no emotional depth.

Deeper explanation, skip to the bottom if you don't care:
I have made a few small comments to two of them. The first one over text I told them about how I felt like it was just going down and that it was all coming back (my past depression), but he just told me not worry and that's it'll get better... I guess assuming I was only in a bad mood 😒. The other one, my best friend, doesn't even really ask me about it at all. I don't know if she could handle hearing about it. I once tried to tell my mother about my past depression and told me to stop because she couldn't take it.

So what do I do? I'm just stuck in this spiral and I know it stems from my own self hate but everything that's getting worse (like my grades) is just making it worse.
Hello.

We don't think of this as wanting attention on this site. We're very open about emotions because everyone has them. This is a place where you can feel free to openly share your thoughts, opinions, and emotions without feeling judged. That's the sort of environment I and other dedicated users strive to promote.

As to your problem, I can totally relate--I imagine many others can as well. Loneliness is one of the strongest human fears. We're born around people and grow up around people--most of us, anyways. Once we start to feel like people are drifting away, it scares us to death. This is particularly prevalent in teens as they are growing up and learning to live an independent and self-sustaining lifestyle. That being said, this is a part of growing up and developing in preparation for the "grown-up" world.

About 6 weeks ago, my best friend of two years and I stopped talking. After 2 weeks, the weight of that started to sink in. I had panic attacks--I still have them occasionally because of it. However, it's teaching me about how people come and go, and it's making me better at coping with it. I and many others are scared to talk to people in real life about these sorts of things because they have more direct consequences--most people aren't willing to admit that, either; they think it makes them look weak or something; personally, I don't find being weak to be a problem necessarily. But I digress.

As for some coping methods for when things get too tough:
-Music is great.
-Meditation.
-Any hobby you may have that makes you calm.
-Spirituality if you're into that sort of thing.

Also, --and this is very obvious, I know-- professional counseling is worth considering. I never really liked the experience of spouting emotions to a stranger so it never really helped me, but perhaps it could help you.

I hope I've helped you. Best of luck!
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Old October 7th, 2016, 12:13 PM   #4
jamie_n5
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Default Re: I Feel So Alone

I feel for you and mostly understand what you are going through. I have through a lot of that myself. Maybe you could talk to a school counselor or a clergy person. Your doctor could be helpful too. I know you don't want to burden your family and understand that but your family loves you very much and especially your mom. I am sure she would understand completely and want to help you or get you the help you need. Please hang in there and go to someone for help before things get worse.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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Old October 7th, 2016, 05:03 PM   #5
colorfulights
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Default Re: I Feel So Alone

Thanks guys. A psychologist is probably the answer, but I don't know. Or my mom, I don't want her to know about my anorexia, how little I sleep, or my thoughts in general. She hasn't even heard half of it and already wants me to start seeing someone. But I guess I have to do something
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Old October 20th, 2016, 02:19 AM   #6
Lutalica
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Default Re: I Feel So Alone

I'm quite late, but i hope it's not trouble I'm butting in.

One thing, you shouldn't worry about 'how it affects them'. They need to know in order to help you get the help you deserve and need. They're selfish if they can't even listen to your feelings and emotions when all they're worried about it how it makes themselves feel. Worry about yourself. Tell them the truth, ALL of it, no matter how much it makes them cry or how much it makes them angry. That's the only way to get better, and it won't hurt them half as much as it will hurt you by staying silent.
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Old October 21st, 2016, 04:34 PM   #7
Godsdaughter
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Default Re: I Feel So Alone

You need to talk to your mom and your friends about this. They love you, they would want to know what is going on. I know that if a friend or family member of mine was going through this, I would want to know. Please do talk to them. You are so important to them.
Praying for you, sweetie
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