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Old September 19th, 2016, 04:06 PM   #1
thesuburbs
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Join Date: September 19, 2016
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Unhappy Please help me! Need advice...

Hello, I'm new here and this is my first post, so here we go.

To start things off, I am a pretty average teenager and I'm fairly happy with who I am. I'm a straight A student, I study every night, have a healthy social life, I eat right, I'm involved in volunteer activities, and I have a job.

While keeping this routine steady, I've been smoking weed for around a year now. I don't do it extremely often, and I'm always responsible with it - I use in moderation, I don't smoke and drive, etc. I don't even drink. I have struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, and it really helps with that; plus, it's fun! It's just something I do with friends to have a good time. I've done my research on the health effects, and I think I am a pretty responsible person and can make my own decisions.

I know I may sound like a stupid young person thinking they know better than their parents, but I understand that this is a phase, and my smoking doesn't interfere with my progress in life. I make my own money and I do not often splurge - I'm saving for University which I will be attending in less than a year, and I'd like to be able to support myself. When I can afford it, I buy weed or weed-related items (pipes, lighters, etc).

Recently, my mom found my weed and all of my supplies. I had a lot of weed in there, considering I hadn't smoked in a while. The thing about my mom is, she is pretty strict and VERY emotional. I don't judge her for that, but it does impair her judgement sometimes. My parents have basically emotionally cut me off - they don't look at me, don't talk to me, and barely let me associate with my siblings. I'm confined to my room, and I can't use my car because it's in their name.

My mom thinks weed is the "devil's lettuce" or something like that. I've tried to sit down and talk to her, and I've showed her some research. She keeps coming at me with phony statistics that aren't close to accurate, and she goes to her equally judgemental friends about it, who obviously agree with her. She thinks I'm a drug addict, when in fact weed does not have any chemical addictive properties. I understand that it is habit forming, but I am secure enough in my own mind to be responsible, and I am NOT addicted.

Of course, she took and destroyed all of my stuff. I'm okay with going without weed, but that is a lot of money that she just threw down the toilet. I'm fine for money, but it sure doesn't feel nice seeing +$100-200 go down the drain. Plus, she destroyed a bong that didn't even belong to me; I was keeping it for a friend.

My mom has taken this as far as you can imagine - she's sending me to church (keep in mind I'm not Catholic), she's not letting me leave my room, and I have little to no privacy anymore, as she always wants to monitor what I do. I haven't seen any of my friends in days besides passing them in the hallways. My mom has always been controlling, and I think she feels uncomfortable with there being a part of my life that she isn't deciding for me.

I understand that they want me to be safe, and I've outlined all of the precautions I've taken to ensure that. She doesn't believe me, and she thinks I'm making excuses.

My dad, on the other hand, smokes weed. He not only has a hefty supply that I found one time, and I've also heard from my siblings that he does it when my mom's not around. He's barely said anything, and won't say anything, because I think he's afraid of my mom.

I want to move out so bad and just be on my own. My mom thinks she is motivating me to do better, but she is constantly stressing me out, yelling around the house, and judging me through a magnifying glass, looking for everything that could be wrong with me. My siblings never receive the same judgement, and that's fine, but it really distracts me from staying at the top of my class while keeping a job. I am always walking on eggshells around her, afraid of what will happen next.

As I mentioned, she is very emotional. She is amazing at guilt tripping you so she can get what she wants - she cries and cries, and tells me it's all my fault. She told me she hasn't slept or eaten in days because of me, and that she now has to attend therapy because I've caused her so many problems (that being me smoking weed). Keep in mind, I have a very active life and I am a pretty responsible teenager, especially in comparison to my friends, who smoke bowls WITH their parents. I've tried to get her to talk to them, or to somebody, but she won't. She's stubborn, and looks at me like she hates me.

If I could afford to live on my own right now, I would. I don't really know what it is I'm asking, but I guess I needed to get it off my chest. How do you convince your parent that you're not a drug addict? lol

Thanks for reading if you made it all the way here. Hopefully someone can help.
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Old September 20th, 2016, 12:17 PM   #2
Flapjack
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Default Re: Please help me! Need advice...

Not a lot I can do to help buddy xD I think people should be able to smoke weed if they want and I doubt any skygods at church will help ya.

I think you should stop smoking until you have moved out, at least don't keep it at your mom's house. If you just smoke for fun then giving it up for your mom should be easy.


I'm a prettyyy awkward weeb that likes alcohol and punk rock :')
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Old September 20th, 2016, 02:00 PM   #3
The Byrd
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Default Re: Please help me! Need advice...

Does your dad live with you?

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Old September 30th, 2016, 03:40 PM   #4
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Default Re: Please help me! Need advice...

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Old October 1st, 2016, 03:28 PM   #5
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Default Re: Please help me! Need advice...

Welcome to VT. If they think you are on drugs tell them to go buy a home drug test kit and then tell them that you will gladly take it any time they want to prove you are not taking drugs. I do also think you should quit smoking for your own good.

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Old October 2nd, 2016, 06:48 PM   #6
ClaraWho
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Default Re: Please help me! Need advice...

The problem here is you believe that the research you feel you have done, is providing a different answer to the research she has done. In your case this is known as 'confirmation bias' in psychology terminology.

Now you clearly aren't interested in listening or accepting the evidence she has, and she is clearly not interested in seeing any research you may have. That won't change.

Given where she is coming from, all of her steps make complete sense. By the same token all of yours appear legitimate to you. There will be no middle ground. You cannot resolve this issue. In particular, even if she granted you more freedom, she would still not want you influencing her other children in what she sees as a highly self-harming behaviour.

I've tried to refrain from taking a side as I feel you would have skipped my comment had I, as you would ignore any doctor or scientist who spoke against your belief. Given that as the case, you won't change and so I won't bother explaining how you are incorrect in your assertions. But do take on board what I have said. Regardless of whether you are a drug addict or just a regular user, any use in her eyes will be seriously wrong and she will take steps to prevent it. To her that is the responsible and loving action to take. Her 'punishments' aren't vindictive or malicious, they are pragmatic. You will not be able to convince her to love you less, and therefore permit you to smoke cannabis.

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Old October 3rd, 2016, 04:33 AM   #7
cherryblood
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Default Re: Please help me! Need advice...

Maybe write down why you do it on a piece of paper, write down all your points and such! You could give them the paper and let them read it themselves, and they could write down all their replies and such? tbh texting and such helps me communicate with my family better instead of actually talking in person. it calms my own nerves too
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