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Old September 8th, 2016, 05:48 PM   #1
davdev17
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Name: David
Join Date: August 12, 2015
Location: Utah
Age: 18
Gender: Cisgender Male
Default Depression Poem Feedback

Can I get some feedback on a poem I wrote about depression? Please be honest.

The Shadow Man
Everywhere that I go the Shadow Man is there.
He causes my doubts and troubles and despair.
When I am starting to feel good
He covers me like a dark hood
And sucks all those feelings away.

Sometimes he makes me feel numb
But usually he makes me feel like scum.
Hurting me is his only job.
He enjoys making my heart throb
I ache because he will always stay.

He will knock me down and stand on my chest.
For hurting me is what he does best.
He makes me feel like there is nothing I know about.
He fills me with sadness and self-doubt.
I dont know what to do today.

The Shadow Man makes me hate
Myself and I feel lots of weight
On my chest and I feel like Ill die.
I dont know why I should try.
But when people ask I say Im okay.

I'm David. I am gay, 18 and from Utah.
The right thing - what is it? I wonder, if you do the right thing, does it really make everyone happy?
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Old September 8th, 2016, 06:18 PM   #2
Amethyst Rose
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Join Date: May 27, 2016
Location: The Crystal Garden
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Default Re: Depression Poem Feedback

I really like your poem, lots of people can relate to that. I know how it feels to experience hopelessness and be filled with self-doubt; I doubt myself very often actually. Good job on the poem, and if writing helps you cope/convey your feelings keep it up!

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Old September 10th, 2016, 09:41 AM   #3
jamie_n5
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Name: Jamie
Join Date: June 27, 2016
Location: Minnesota
Age: 19
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Default Re: Depression Poem Feedback

That is a very nice poem man.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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Old September 10th, 2016, 05:05 PM   #4
Endeavour
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Default Re: Depression Poem Feedback

Thank you for sharing this poem with us, David. I'm sure a lot of people on here, including myself, can relate to this. Writing poems or anything really can be a great way to get yur feelings across or to empty your mind, so if this is something that works for you (or indeed anyone else) then go for it!



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Old September 10th, 2016, 06:02 PM   #5
azure moonstone
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Join Date: November 8, 2012
Location: The Crystal Castle
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Default Re: Depression Poem Feedback

Very well written, David. There are a lot of things I can't identify with, but this is something I definitely do. I can feel what you are trying to get across here. I'd love to see you write some more.
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Old September 13th, 2016, 01:56 PM   #6
jxxx_z
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Name: Jake
Join Date: September 11, 2016
Location: UK
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Default Re: Depression Poem Feedback

The poem is great, and I'm glad you've found this creative outlet unlike so many people who are bottled up
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Old September 13th, 2016, 01:57 PM   #7
Flapjack
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Default Re: Depression Poem Feedback

I love it!! The structure is excellent and the content is making me tear up!!


I'm a prettyyy awkward weeb that likes alcohol and punk rock :')
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