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Old August 5th, 2016, 08:02 PM   #1
Amethyst Rose
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Default Worse and worse

I will start off by saying this: I am not suicidal. I am not dealing with depression. I do not want to harm myself in any way. It's only anxiety I am dealing with. And it's getting progressively worse.

The reason for that is my parents. A month ago they had a horrible fight and things haven't been the same since. I don't want to ask my mom what's going on because I've learned that when I know what's going on, that makes me even more anxious.

That being said, something very bad is going on. I can feel it. It overwhelms me and I am constantly worried. I've almost had a nervous breakdown a few times because on some days the atmosphere is very tense and dark. I'm terrified something bad is going to happen, I just have no idea what. I've dealt with anxiety in the past. I was in counseling 6 months for depression and anxiety, and I'm not depressed anymore. But I still deal with some anxiety. It hasn't been very bad, up until this past month. Another thing: people say you grow up to be like your parents. While I know each of us have our own, independent lives, we are still highly influenced by the people we are closest to, and I'm afraid that in the future my family will turn out like mine is now. We don't communicate very well, except for me and my mom. My sister tears everyone apart, causing arguments every day that can be avoided and setting everyone off. I don't want my family to be like that but I'm scared it will happen.

I think after whatever this is between my parents is resolved, my anxiety will subside. It's just really hard knowing people I love so much are having a tough time. I'm doing my best not to worry, but it's hard. I don't believe in taking medication to help with anxiety, and I don't want to go back to counseling either. To be honest, I'm probably making more out of this than what there is--a mountain out of a molehill, so to speak. I've always been that way. It's not like they never had a bad fight before. I shouldn't worry so much. Writing all this made me feel a little better.

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Old August 5th, 2016, 08:08 PM   #2
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I'm glad that writing it made you feel a little better buddy You sure finding out won't make you feel better? i think often when we don't know we imagine the worst possible scenario and knowing the truth might make it better? Maybe you should try medication? I am here for you anytime you need me buddy, just send me a PM Hope things get better soon!!


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Old August 5th, 2016, 08:15 PM   #3
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Well Richelle what I know of you, and reading here is that seems like you know what you want and like. And nobodys guna tell you right from left. That's a god thing.

You can't make your parent do this or that to make there marriage or your life better. But you do have the insight to look ahead???

So look ahead and what's in store for you. It'll only get better
Unfortunately you can't make their marriage better...
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Old August 5th, 2016, 08:16 PM   #4
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I'm glad that writing it made you feel a little better buddy You sure finding out won't make you feel better? i think often when we don't know we imagine the worst possible scenario and knowing the truth might make it better? Maybe you should try medication? I am here for you anytime you need me buddy, just send me a PM Hope things get better soon!!
Thanks Jack. True, all true, but personally I find knowing makes me more anxious. And I won't try medication, I've heard from too many people that it affected them negatively instead of taking care of the problem. And thanks, I will keep that in mind.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
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Old August 5th, 2016, 08:20 PM   #5
Amethyst Rose
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Default Re: Worse and worse

@Just JT: I know I can't change their marriage. I don't have a problem with that. I just worry too much is all. I do know what I want and like, and what I want is to get my anxiety under control. Easier said than done I'm hoping things will improve soon.

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Old August 5th, 2016, 11:29 PM   #6
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Default Re: Worse and worse

@wholelottalove,

When I got on medication, I made sure to keep it at a low amount so that my brain doesn't start to depend on it too much. Lower amounts also allow you to see the negative effects beginning to take hold and stop taking the meds before it gets worse without getting dependency. That being said, it's totally up to you whether to get on meds or not. Just thought I'd throw my two cents in on that.

Also, it's good to hear that you aren't depressed anymore. Just imagine how awful things would be now if you felt sad and anxious. That's some tough stuff.

Anxiety is something that does have treatments outside of medication. Physical relaxation(massages, etc.) are great for relieving anxiety. If you have any place near you that offers that sort of thing, it might help as a sort of get-away. Meditation has helped me in the past, although I never really do it anymore mainly because I don't feel so anxious.

Only you know what degree of influence you really have to your parents. It's likely, however, that you unfortunately won't be able to stop them from fighting and whatnot. It sounds pretty serious, and they will probably have to just work it out on their own somehow. The best thing you can do is to stay strong, find outlets and treatments for anxiety, and be patient until some resolution is met between them.

I hope I could help! Best of luck to you.
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Old August 5th, 2016, 11:36 PM   #7
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@Microcosm: Thanks for the tips and good wishes, I really appreciate it! Maybe I'll go find one of those places.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
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Old August 6th, 2016, 12:56 AM   #8
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Nice that you are feeling well. Talking to someone close to you like your mother or a friend will probably help. Glad to hear that you are avoiding meds. Hope you get well soon.
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Old August 6th, 2016, 08:35 AM   #9
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Default Re: Worse and worse

I know you can't change your parents marriage. It was just like a point it out kinda thing I guess. Sometimes we don't see the clear and obvious things in life, and we get stresses over them. Anxiety is a kicker, real pain in the ass. As you know, irl help you stop doing all those things you wana do, and just can't for what ever reason. Getting past those things is slow, baby steps, takes longer than we'd like especially if someone else is I. The drivers seat. Like your parents arguing or maybe going to counseling or what ever all that drings :/

Not something anyone should go alone. If your rents are approachable I'd try and talk with them about what you've seen and how it makes you feel. Even if it just a little, or a comment, just to get it started. In the heat of an emotional arguement they may not even be aware that their actions are impacting you in any way. They may know, but at the moment, lost turaco of that. It's pretty easy I'm sure, and sure you know as well.
@Microcosm made a good post about meds and makes a lota sense tbh. First I think meds suck dirt. But for me, they do help. Even in small doses can have a huge impact on how you feel and act. Starting in small doses is a great idea. Try different meds if one doesn't work. Maybe mares will do the same thing but have different side effects on different people. Could be just some lorazepam a little each day. Is what I take, for me, that works. It doesn't make the problem go away, but it calms me down so I can circumvent the trigger, and get on with my life. I use a scrapyard theory I wrote about a couple times in some older posts. I'll share it with you if you like. It's kinda long, and don't wana hijack your thread here with it

So yeah, bottom line were all here for you, well listen, offer support, you know that. And I hope this helps you somehow in your journey. Let us know, pretty sure I'm right when I say we all are truly interested in how you make out here

JT

Sorry for long read
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Old August 6th, 2016, 11:07 AM   #10
Amethyst Rose
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Default Re: Worse and worse

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I know you can't change your parents marriage. It was just like a point it out kinda thing I guess. Sometimes we don't see the clear and obvious things in life, and we get stresses over them. Anxiety is a kicker, real pain in the ass. As you know, irl help you stop doing all those things you wana do, and just can't for what ever reason. Getting past those things is slow, baby steps, takes longer than we'd like especially if someone else is I. The drivers seat. Like your parents arguing or maybe going to counseling or what ever all that drings :/

Not something anyone should go alone. If your rents are approachable I'd try and talk with them about what you've seen and how it makes you feel. Even if it just a little, or a comment, just to get it started. In the heat of an emotional arguement they may not even be aware that their actions are impacting you in any way. They may know, but at the moment, lost turaco of that. It's pretty easy I'm sure, and sure you know as well.
@Microcosm made a good post about meds and makes a lota sense tbh. First I think meds suck dirt. But for me, they do help. Even in small doses can have a huge impact on how you feel and act. Starting in small doses is a great idea. Try different meds if one doesn't work. Maybe mares will do the same thing but have different side effects on different people. Could be just some lorazepam a little each day. Is what I take, for me, that works. It doesn't make the problem go away, but it calms me down so I can circumvent the trigger, and get on with my life. I use a scrapyard theory I wrote about a couple times in some older posts. I'll share it with you if you like. It's kinda long, and don't wana hijack your thread here with it

So yeah, bottom line were all here for you, well listen, offer support, you know that. And I hope this helps you somehow in your journey. Let us know, pretty sure I'm right when I say we all are truly interested in how you make out here

JT

Sorry for long read
I appreciate that I'll keep you updated.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
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Old August 6th, 2016, 07:01 PM   #11
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So yeah, bottom line were all here for you, well listen, offer support, you know that. And I hope this helps you somehow in your journey. Let us know, pretty sure I'm right when I say we all are truly interested in how you make out here
Yup. That's right. I wish I could have said it as well.
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Old August 8th, 2016, 03:37 PM   #12
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Hey, I've been trough the same thing not a long time ago. I know it's very difficult to be in the middle of this whole thing, but wait and see how it goes, cause maybe the best solution for a couple is divorce. Maybe you could have a talk with them to clarify your thoughts even if it makes you more anxious, because if you know what's going on, it's easyer to deal with the problems.
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Old August 11th, 2016, 09:37 PM   #13
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I think that if you feel comfortable enough you should sit down with your parents and talk with them. This is affecting your life drastically and I think you have a right to know too.
I just hope that it will be something that will work out for all of you and won't end in a divorce for your parents. Please stay strong and communicate with your family. Good luck.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
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Old August 11th, 2016, 10:05 PM   #14
Amethyst Rose
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Default Re: Worse and worse

Hey everyone, thanks so much for your responses, I appreciate them a lot. Just an update: everything seems to have returned to normal. I've been much less anxious. I'm involved/going to be involved in great things in- and outtide of school (which starts in less than two weeks), so have lots to look forward to and prevent me from too much spare time to fill with worrying. My parents are getting on fine with each other, I'm so glad. Again, thanks for your kind words.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
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Old August 12th, 2016, 01:37 AM   #15
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Glad everything is turning normal. Going to school after a long time is probably great isnt it ?

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Old August 12th, 2016, 10:13 AM   #16
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Glad everything is turning normal. Going to school after a long time is probably great isnt it ?
Yessssss xD. Summer gets boring after a while. I'd rather have too much to do than not enough.

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Old August 12th, 2016, 10:23 AM   #17
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Yessssss xD. Summer gets boring after a while. I'd rather have too much to do than not enough.
ya for me, summer gets boring after awhile. There is not much to do.

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