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Old July 27th, 2016, 04:27 AM   #1
Blue02
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Post I keep trying (triggering?)

I've screwed up, big time. I'm such a screw up. Just before I started my exams I cut and everything was fine- as fine as that can be. Then, my friend confronted me after seeing the cuts on my wrist. I was mortified but tried to convince her that it was just a cat scratch. Then I found out she'd gone to my senior tutor and told him they I'm hurting myself. I had a major panic attack and this then caused me to relapse -I had this cycle where I'd cut myself and that would be enough to last for a few weeks, so the old cuts would heal. I managed to convince everyone it was just a misunderstanding (but I'm not sure they've believed it) and that was that. Now I've finished all my exams and have an extended summer my friends ( as she told an entire group) all keep asking me questions and it's draining and I can't keep smiling. I might had confided in her but the fact that people ( who I know the name of but literally that's it) give me looks and people message me saying that I self harm. It's my secret and I told everyone it's a lie but people aren't helping me move on as they keep bringing it up. This brings me to now, where I want to cut. But I'm scared. If I cut, I know it will be bad this time, and I don't feel as if I could talk to anyone. Firstly, my friends go into meltdown, don't eat etc then blame me which doesn't help as they constantly ask me what's wrong which I don't like sharing with them as its my burden, I don't want to add to there troubles. Two, they don't get it, and I wonder if they get me. I was doing okay with my cycle, it wasn't great by any means but managing about 6 weeks between episode was something and it's come crashing down and I don't know what to do know. And I know it will be bad as I'm finding myself flicking elastic bands against where'd i cut more and more. I suppose I'm saying any suggestions/thoughts??
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Old July 27th, 2016, 05:00 AM   #2
Just JT
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

First, I think your friends are trying to be good friends to you about stuff they are worried about and maybe don't understand really good. I think if you can talk to just one person you trust, and confide in, explain how things are, how you feel, why, etc, your friends may back off a little. Cause they will know your talking to that one person.

Yiur cutting for a reason, it feels good, release, I get that. But also, is it something you wana stop? Do you wana identify triggers and find other things to do that harm yourself? If you do then embrace some of that help. Not easy I know, but will her easier in time, the more you do it, baby steps.

We all know pretty well whatbthe final outcome is here right? So I'd consider all options. They seem to wana be there for you. Embrace it.
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Old July 29th, 2016, 09:39 PM   #3
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

Well I think that your friends just care and are worried about you. That is a good thing. The kids giving you crap and rolling their eyes don't understand. You have a very bad and hard affliction to get away from. You need to find some other way to deal with stress. You may need professional help. Hang in there and I wish you good luck.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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Old July 30th, 2016, 09:23 AM   #4
Flapjack
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

Your friends were just trying to help, it is hard to know how to help a friend that self harms and they tried their best I would accept your friends support and any help the teachers give! Hope you get this sorted soon


I'm a prettyyy awkward weeb that likes alcohol and punk rock :')
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Old August 6th, 2016, 03:01 PM   #5
Bebdina
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue02 View Post
I've screwed up, big time. I'm such a screw up. Just before I started my exams I cut and everything was fine- as fine as that can be. Then, my friend confronted me after seeing the cuts on my wrist. I was mortified but tried to convince her that it was just a cat scratch. Then I found out she'd gone to my senior tutor and told him they I'm hurting myself. I had a major panic attack and this then caused me to relapse -I had this cycle where I'd cut myself and that would be enough to last for a few weeks, so the old cuts would heal. I managed to convince everyone it was just a misunderstanding (but I'm not sure they've believed it) and that was that. Now I've finished all my exams and have an extended summer my friends ( as she told an entire group) all keep asking me questions and it's draining and I can't keep smiling. I might had confided in her but the fact that people ( who I know the name of but literally that's it) give me looks and people message me saying that I self harm. It's my secret and I told everyone it's a lie but people aren't helping me move on as they keep bringing it up. This brings me to now, where I want to cut. But I'm scared. If I cut, I know it will be bad this time, and I don't feel as if I could talk to anyone. Firstly, my friends go into meltdown, don't eat etc then blame me which doesn't help as they constantly ask me what's wrong which I don't like sharing with them as its my burden, I don't want to add to there troubles. Two, they don't get it, and I wonder if they get me. I was doing okay with my cycle, it wasn't great by any means but managing about 6 weeks between episode was something and it's come crashing down and I don't know what to do know. And I know it will be bad as I'm finding myself flicking elastic bands against where'd i cut more and more. I suppose I'm saying any suggestions/thoughts??
Josh, I don't think you are a screw up at all. But I think you need to talk to somebody about your cutting habits. Well, I will give you some of my thoughts.... I was thinking... imagine that nobody had said anything about the cutting and it was still your secret: now that the exams are over, would you stop cutting? or would you wait 6 weeks to do it again? When you say if you cut, it will be bad this time... that worries me man. Talk to me if you need somebody. I am right here for you.
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Old October 21st, 2016, 04:14 PM   #6
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

I think you need to think about it this way:
These people are only doing this because they care about you. If you are cutting bc you think no one cares, its not true. All of these people care. They sound like good friends. You may be frustrated with them right now, but what would you do if you were in their place? Would you just let someone you care about get hurt? I doubt it.
I'll be praying for you, dude
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Old October 26th, 2016, 09:41 AM   #7
Blue02
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

I thank everyone for there advice, but it's not as easy as it once was. It sounds stupid and it is, but I'm in College/year 12 now and it's just not as easy as it should be. My friends dropped it, and I'm kind of glad they did. I don't want to be a burden to my friends- and I would be. I'm a trustworthy guy so they tell me their problems and I'm okay with that. But I can't add to that. But in this new place, I don't want to be labelled the guy with issues. I'm about 2 months clean from cutting, but I'm pretty sure I'm doing other things I shouldn't. But I'm managing (?) if you can call it that. I already have so many secrets, I just have to vent them. Add in the fact I can tell no one my 'sexual preference' as it's love girls or you're weird and an outcast. I'm trying so hard to fight it, so hard. But something is gonna give soon. But thanks to everyone with your kind words, it means a lot 🙂
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Old November 1st, 2016, 06:46 AM   #8
CanadianLynx
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

Im sorry to hear you relapsed :/ the only thing I can recommend is tell someone, your school councler or even your parents if possible, and if you have constant panic attacks trying getting some benzos, they helped me for the time i took them. There are essentially 2 routes to go to stop self harm, psycological help or chemical help, with medication. the psychological route didnt help me because my problem is chemical, and since the doctors are refusing to give me benzos because they fear i may become "Dependent" on them, i still self harm regularly. but Try and get meds or help first! You can do it!
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Old January 27th, 2017, 09:28 PM   #9
MakerLing81
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

Feel sorry for you, but It's hard to say
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Old January 27th, 2017, 09:37 PM   #10
Tobyisnotdead
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Default Re: I keep trying (triggering?)

How far did you cut up wrist for them to see it? I make sure not to go past the little bones on the wrist, seems to work. Also if you do it on the sides instead they heal faster and aren't as obvious. Just don't do it on the bottom of the forearm, scars are too obvious there. Just don't get caught again.
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Old January 27th, 2017, 11:53 PM   #11
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