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Old June 23rd, 2016, 06:00 PM   #1
kylar005
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Join Date: April 26, 2014
Location: Sweden, Stockholm
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Default Time to vent into the void

So, I'm just going to scream out into the void here, just to vent into a space where strangers can see it.
In few words, I feel stuck in a routine that doesn't take me forward.
In more words, I have completely stopped going to school. This was supposed to be a "turn-everything-around" year. New school, retaking the year because things were bad the year before that. I had a bit more motivation than before. But, unsurprisingly, things did not go as planned. They rarely do.
Things worked out "ok" for like, 2 months. Then the depression got worse, the PTSD got worse, everything got worse really. I got so tired from constant chronic headache that everything lost its edge. Everything was a throbbing dull pain. Just getting up before 11am was a struggle. So I stopped trying to get up, I didn't set an alarm. And I just got more and more tired.
My mother's relation was really bad.
But hey, my mother managed to dump her mentally abusive boyfriend of 12 years. Things had to get better right?
They would have, it's just that by then I was a complete mess who literally didn't do anything during the days nor nights. There wasn't the basic groundwork for my motivation to grow, there was no motivation at all left. Watched some tv series but mostly just existed (barely) in a vacuum of self pity.
I started seeing a psychologist. My last one was pretty bad, we didn't do anything for the entire 6 months I was there. So I hoped the new one would be better. But we're still in the stage where we diagnose me. 4 months in. And I need help now, to get out of this status quo where nothing is happening, where I'm too tired to do anything productive, where the thought of school or a job fills me with dread. I need help now not to feel like dead weight anymore.
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Old June 23rd, 2016, 06:41 PM   #2
Kacchon
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Name: Rev
Join Date: January 25, 2013
Location: United States
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 9
Default Re: Time to vent into the void

The "void" has listeners in it - more than you would think.

This dead weight feeling you have is something you can find a way out of. You're saying that you've lost interest in most everything, not wanting to wake up, quitting school and hobbies, etc. And obviously it's near impossible to just feel alive again. Some people might think you can just "keep your head up" to get rid of this feeling, which I'm sure you know isn't true.

You need to find a reason to start things again. Try to look for something that will give you a reason to go through with what you were doing before. That reason could be an event, or a person, or anything really! Personally, I like finding somebody who will listen to me when I'm going through problems. You should try that too. If you don't already have that person, find them. Nothing can go wrong. One of two things could happen: 1. They won't be there to help you, which wouldn't be a loss since they weren't worth your time, or 2. You find somebody who will listen to you and give you support.

Nothing is stopping you from finding something to get you out of the awful feeling you're in. I'm wishing you luck.

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