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Old February 7th, 2016, 05:57 PM   #1
CombatsAndConverse
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Question Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Hey, so, I posted an introduction yesterday, but it didn't really go over any of my real problems, which is the whole reason I'm here. So, yeah. I decided to put all the nitty gritty in this topic. So...um...

I deal with a lot of self-confidence issues. I can't look in the mirror without seeing myself as fat, seeing the scars I have from SH, and thinking I'm broken, unloved, and will never be wanted. I've never really been bullied, but I always perceive the smallest things as bullying, because I guess I kind of...expect it? I've been SHing for a year now and I'm on the verge of anorexia. I've been checking out some pro-Ana sites and blogs, and...I don't know. I know I shouldn't be doing it, but I get so tempted and...I guess it's kind of like the feeling I get right before I SH. Anyway, my mother emotionally and verbally abusive, my step-father (my bio dad died when I was 4) is childish and physically abusive, I have an IQ of 138 but I'm making Cs and Ds, I constantly struggle with solipsism which reduces me to tears every night, and my friends don't know how to deal with me. So, yeah.

I was wondering if there's anyone near my age (14-15 in July) who's been going through this? I've noticed that helping others has always been my best method of coping. So...maybe we could be texting buddies or something. Help each other through our struggles, and when we're both fine, maybe joke around a bit and talk about life? I mainly to use tumblr for messaging, though I don't know if I can put my url in the post, so...I'll email you it if we hit it off or something.
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Old February 7th, 2016, 06:17 PM   #2
Splat
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Oh bless you. I'm so sorry you've had to go through feeling this way.
When I was younger I was bullied a lot and my method of coping was pulling out my eyelashes which I still hold as a habit whenever I get stressed now. It's awful being around girls now who look amazing in mascara but because of the different lengths of eyelashes I of course can't wear it because it would look too obvious. So I guess, I too have a few self conscious issues.
But enough of me. I clearly haven't been through all that you've been through but I know how shit it can feel sometimes.

I think you need to find someone older than you who can act as a role model as your parents aren't really up to scratch. I don't know, is there anyone older than you who can look after you when you feel really down?
And I think explaining to friends what's happening will make them understand a bit more and hopefully help you.



"Can't doesn't exist until one has tried in every possible way"

Anyone wanna talk?

Last edited by Splat; February 7th, 2016 at 06:29 PM.
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Old February 7th, 2016, 06:29 PM   #3
CombatsAndConverse
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splat View Post
Oh bless you. I'm so sorry you've had to go through feeling this way.
When I was younger I was bullied a lot and my method of coping was pulling out my eyelashes which I still hold as a habit whenever I get stressed now. It's awful being around girls now who look amazing in mascara but because of the different lengths of eyelashes I of course can't wear it because it would look too obvious. So I guess, I too have a few self conscious issues.
But enough of me. I think you need to find someone older than you who can act as a role model as your parents aren't really up to scratch. I don't know, is there anyone older than you who can look after you when you feel really down?
And I think explaining to friends what's happening will make them understand a bit more and hopefully help you.
No, actually, I don't have anyone. I find it difficult to start friendships like that, and I really hate the idea of being a burden to anyone, which I guess are both just part of my anxiety. Main reason I joined that site, actually, was to find someone like that, and someone I could relate to and help out myself. Like I said, helping is one of the things that makes me feel best, but talking about my issues and just being able to rant it out is a major contribution as well.

I've explained it to my friends, yeah. It's not that they don't understand. It's that they don't know what to do with the information. They want to help, but they don't want me to feel like they're treating me like I'm fragile or something, so they just kind of pat my back awkwardly when I'm having a down day and carry on with me when I'm feeling a bit better. They want to help, but they don't know how, and I don't really know either, because compliments always feel like lies to me and when I'm at my worst I can get so anxious that I can't even open up to them. They've done things like stood outside the restrooms while I calmed down from an anxiety attack, or asked me how I was doing after seeing some recent cuts, but other than that, they just don't know what to do.
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Old February 7th, 2016, 06:36 PM   #4
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

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Originally Posted by CombatsAndConverse View Post
No, actually, I don't have anyone. I find it difficult to start friendships like that, and I really hate the idea of being a burden to anyone, which I guess are both just part of my anxiety. Main reason I joined that site, actually, was to find someone like that, and someone I could relate to and help out myself. Like I said, helping is one of the things that makes me feel best, but talking about my issues and just being able to rant it out is a major contribution as well.

I've explained it to my friends, yeah. It's not that they don't understand. It's that they don't know what to do with the information. They want to help, but they don't want me to feel like they're treating me like I'm fragile or something, so they just kind of pat my back awkwardly when I'm having a down day and carry on with me when I'm feeling a bit better. They want to help, but they don't know how, and I don't really know either, because compliments always feel like lies to me and when I'm at my worst I can get so anxious that I can't even open up to them. They've done things like stood outside the restrooms while I calmed down from an anxiety attack, or asked me how I was doing after seeing some recent cuts, but other than that, they just don't know what to do.
Tell me about it. I feel like I'm a burden to people all the time like I'm annoying them or messaging them too much.

Have you tried distractions? Like a new hobby? I know playing an instrument really channels my emotions out into the music.

Or perhaps a sport? Sometimes if I'm sailing or windsurfing I'll sail to the middle of the lake, slacken/let down my sail and just look at the surroundings



"Can't doesn't exist until one has tried in every possible way"

Anyone wanna talk?
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Old February 7th, 2016, 07:16 PM   #5
CombatsAndConverse
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Fencing really helped me out, and when I was tested a few weeks after joining, I actually apparently was cleared for depression (though it was on the very border). Except now, my parents have possibly permenantly taken away fencing because it was "too distracting".

Writing used to help, too, but since my depressions gotten worse, I just hate everything I write and can never bring myself to do it.

Basically, the entire past two weeks have been hell, because I was removed from fencing on 21. Coincidentally, the last time I SH was on the 22. I'm trying to hold it together but every day keeps getting harder and harder, you know? I'm to the point where I want to cover up my mirrors and just lie in bed all day.

Sorry, went on a tiny rant there.

Last edited by CombatsAndConverse; February 7th, 2016 at 07:31 PM.
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Old February 7th, 2016, 10:31 PM   #6
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Hey,

Well, I'm not good with this stuff because I don't really know what to say. All I can suggest is that you try to spend less time at home and more time outside, be it with your friends or alone. You need to distract yourself and enjoy the things that you like. Try to forget about the bad things and focus on the good ones. Look for a new hobby, study or read about the topics that you like, go take a walk on a park or near a river.

Try to talk to your parents about the fencing and how much it helped you. Remember them that you're going through a serious illness and you need all the support you can get.

I hope you get better!




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Old February 8th, 2016, 01:33 AM   #7
Sheriff McGregor
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Quote:
Originally Posted by CombatsAndConverse View Post
Hey, so, I posted an introduction yesterday, but it didn't really go over any of my real problems, which is the whole reason I'm here. So, yeah. I decided to put all the nitty gritty in this topic. So...um...

I deal with a lot of self-confidence issues. I can't look in the mirror without seeing myself as fat, seeing the scars I have from SH, and thinking I'm broken, unloved, and will never be wanted. I've never really been bullied, but I always perceive the smallest things as bullying, because I guess I kind of...expect it? I've been SHing for a year now and I'm on the verge of anorexia. I've been checking out some pro-Ana sites and blogs, and...I don't know. I know I shouldn't be doing it, but I get so tempted and...I guess it's kind of like the feeling I get right before I SH. Anyway, my mother emotionally and verbally abusive, my step-father (my bio dad died when I was 4) is childish and physically abusive, I have an IQ of 138 but I'm making Cs and Ds, I constantly struggle with solipsism which reduces me to tears every night, and my friends don't know how to deal with me. So, yeah.

I was wondering if there's anyone near my age (14-15 in July) who's been going through this? I've noticed that helping others has always been my best method of coping. So...maybe we could be texting buddies or something. Help each other through our struggles, and when we're both fine, maybe joke around a bit and talk about life? I mainly to use tumblr for messaging, though I don't know if I can put my url in the post, so...I'll email you it if we hit it off or something.
I'm 17, but I've definitely gone through similar pains. When I was 14 and 15, I cut myself every day. I've come a long way from where I've been but, I still have a long ways to go as I still struggle through my self loathing. I hope I can help you and be a friend.

~ The Sheriff




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Old February 8th, 2016, 03:03 AM   #8
Splat
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Quote:
Originally Posted by CombatsAndConverse View Post
Fencing really helped me out, and when I was tested a few weeks after joining, I actually apparently was cleared for depression (though it was on the very border). Except now, my parents have possibly permenantly taken away fencing because it was "too distracting".

Writing used to help, too, but since my depressions gotten worse, I just hate everything I write and can never bring myself to do it.

Basically, the entire past two weeks have been hell, because I was removed from fencing on 21. Coincidentally, the last time I SH was on the 22. I'm trying to hold it together but every day keeps getting harder and harder, you know? I'm to the point where I want to cover up my mirrors and just lie in bed all day.

Sorry, went on a tiny rant there.
That's crazy?! Too distracting for what?
Point being, you need to start it up again



"Can't doesn't exist until one has tried in every possible way"

Anyone wanna talk?
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Old February 8th, 2016, 10:25 AM   #9
CombatsAndConverse
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splat View Post
That's crazy?! Too distracting for what?
Point being, you need to start it up again
We're going to a family counselor today, and I feel like he may force them to put me back into it, but I'm not entirely sure.

She/her-14-bi- Message me whenever, I could always use a distraction

~Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts~
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Old February 8th, 2016, 03:35 PM   #10
amgb
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Hi Carly~ Going through all the things that you've been through is really tough, and being open about it is even tougher. You are not alone in any of this. Many of us here suffer from depression, self harm, bullying, living with an abusive family and/or a lot of other mental health issues. Feel free to talk to anyone on here, we're not judgemental and we all want to be of as much help as we can whenever we can. I'm not 14-15, but I'm 16 years old and I have self-confidence issues as well. I'm always here to talk if you need someone. Don't be afraid to be open, because that could lift so much weight off of your chest, and people can reach out to you to support you. I don't know you, but you are strong and I believe that whatever happens in life, you'll be strong enough to pull through~~

Raise your words, not voice. It is {light} rain that grows flowers, not thunder. ― Jalaluddin Rumi
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Old February 8th, 2016, 08:04 PM   #11
CombatsAndConverse
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

Sorry, just realized a ton of these messages were here
@Savannah- Thanks a ton for the advice, I really appreciate it I hope to discuss the importance of it to me, but I'm scared that they'll think I'm over exaggerating or see it as an even better punishment because of how much I care. That doesn't really make much sense, sorry...

Also, thanks <3
@sheriff- Thanks so much, it's honestly so encouraging to hear about people getting through it. You seem like an awesome guy and I'd honestly love to have a person like you as a friend, or at least a casual acquaintance But, yeah, thanks for the reply, it really helps a ton.
@aNdMoRe- Thank you so much for the positive support. I'm glad I know I finally have some people to talk to about this stuff, though I might get a bit anxious about whether or not I'm posting or complaining too much. I really don't want to be a bother or overshadow anyone else's more serious issues. But, yeah, I appreciate the support. Thanks a ton <3

She/her-14-bi- Message me whenever, I could always use a distraction

~Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts~
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Old February 20th, 2016, 04:35 AM   #12
Xanman
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Default Re: Looking For a Friend (Intro)

I'd love be your friend.I am 13 and I have arthritis so I literally have 0 friends.I also enjoy helping people out with life problems ( probably because I have a lot)
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