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Old December 19th, 2015, 10:43 PM   #1
Lietchenstein
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Default I enjoy things I shouldn't...

Now before it starts, I must say I am completely aware of what I'm doign and sayin at all times ans that I have no regrets or discomfort about my acts, but I need to share this with people that are mentally stabler than me.


You see, I discovered the deep web, and it changed my perception of the world, it uncovered something deep in me. I always liked twisted things and when I heard the deep web was full of twisted shit, oh boy I jumped on the train. I saw some stuff like Neo-Nazi propaganda sites, suicide guides, the anarchist cookbook, etc. but I started enjoying torture vids, not porn, just plain torture. I like to see people suffer, get filled with despair. It's visceral and it makes me smile. There's no sexual stimuli in that, I never jacked off to that, I just think it's... satisfying to watch. Now note that I would never torture or kill someone as I know there's consequences, but if there wasn't, now I would. Just tell me I'm not alone ( obviously I'm not ). I told all that to a psychologist and he's helping me with that. I just needed to share it.
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Old December 20th, 2015, 05:37 AM   #2
Reise
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

Humans like violence. The hypocrisy of the horror movies... Althought this might be considered as a kind of perversion, nope, you're not alone.

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Old December 20th, 2015, 02:14 PM   #3
Dalton_Holt
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

You sound like a psychopath. Do you have Anti-social Personality Disorder?

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Old December 23rd, 2015, 10:12 AM   #4
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

Despots rely on people like you to carry out their dirty work. Yes, get therapy for that.

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Old December 30th, 2015, 09:42 AM   #5
Alexwellace
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

I'd say it's human nature to strive against the taboo. Violence used to be a crucial part of our lives, part of our nature, then as society developed the potential doors that we would use to vent this violence got smaller and smaller. Orca's and Cat's torture their prey and humans can be infinitely more cruel then they can. I'm not saying it's normal, most people have locked up their primal sadist so deep inside their mind they'll never find it. But for some (I'd include myself in this) that part of them is closer to the surface and while therapy could be used to lock it away, I've learnt to use it as a coping mechanism.

I would suggest you stop watching torture vids simply because you should not condone that being done to a human being. It doesn't matter if that is what you want to watch, there is another human on the other side of that screen and we can never condone that. However the feeling you see from watching it can be replicated in similar style anime or 18+ games and that does not involve actual humans so in my eyes they are OK.

Your not alone in this, but this feeling cannot become your personality. It must be something you hold in check, maybe your entire life. People who let that urge take over them become monsters. On the otherhand, having the ability to shut off human sympathy probably will come in handy at somepoint in your life.
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Old December 30th, 2015, 10:46 AM   #6
DriveAlive
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

Can someone inform me more about what the dark web actually is. Is any of it monitored? Are these videos real?

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Old December 30th, 2015, 12:49 PM   #7
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

Your not alone, hence the deep web...
I've heard of the deep web and apparently it's very dangerous. I would stay away from it and not subject your mind to that stuff. The stuff on there is so gross and that's why you can only see it on the deep web.
You don't even have to actually go on the deep web to see what's on it thanks to google images. Yikes!
Anyways, even though your not the only one that likes that stuff, does not mean your normal. I'm glad your getting help.
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Old December 31st, 2015, 11:07 AM   #8
Alexwellace
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

The Deep Web is a series of websites that cannot be access from normal google searches. Also known as the Onion net, people use Onion searches (Cuz, you know...they have layers. Like Ogres) that goes through proxy sites and servers. Basically long story short, the deep web is a part of the net you can only access using special search engines (such as Tor) and as such people can get away with a LOT more because, presumably, you will only find what you look for and if you're looking for it it's probably what you want to see.
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Old January 4th, 2016, 09:57 PM   #9
Lietchenstein
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

I decided to use these pulsions to make choices, to live life in an enjoyable way. I changed a lot, my personnality and look, I made decisions such as getting in the cadets with a millitary career in mind, in psycology if possible. I learned that watching torture videos was somethingthat sparked my true self, I did things beneficial such as getting rid of people that made my life painful and came to embrace myself as I am, a twisted mofo that controls himself now thanks to competent people.
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Old January 5th, 2016, 04:13 PM   #10
Microcosm
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DriveAlive View Post
Can someone inform me more about what the dark web actually is. Is any of it monitored? Are these videos real?
They are absolutely real. The dark web is a sort of "underground" network of the internet. It's actually where most of the internet is. The surface web(what VT and FaceBook and YouTube and normal sites are a part of) is what we use often. Certain browsers must be used to access deep web sites and they are often used to carry out or discuss illegal activities.

If you search "deep web" on YouTube, there are plenty of explanations about all of the intricacies of it. It's interesting stuff, but it can be mentally scarring if you get too deep into it. There's messed up stuff on there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lietchenstein
I decided to use these pulsions to make choices, to live life in an enjoyable way. I changed a lot, my personnality and look, I made decisions such as getting in the cadets with a millitary career in mind, in psycology if possible. I learned that watching torture videos was somethingthat sparked my true self, I did things beneficial such as getting rid of people that made my life painful and came to embrace myself as I am, a twisted mofo that controls himself now thanks to competent people.
Samuel,

This is absolutely not something to be embraced. It is a extremely pernicious and negative personality trait that, if further cultivated, will almost undoubtedly send you into a spiral of depression and madness.

The illegality of torture and such is absolutely not the only reason you shouldn't do it. Try considering the horrible mental effects torture has on the victim. Consider the victim's point of view and stop glorifying the pleasurable view of the torturer.

Get help. Seriously.
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Old May 23rd, 2016, 09:59 PM   #11
SubEruanna
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Default Re: I enjoy things I shouldn't...

Hi, I want to come at this from the other perspective.

I've been into BDSM for several years and the DSM (basically the phsychologist's dictonary for mental disorders) was changed in 2012 to basically say that Sadisim (liking others in pain) and Machosisim (liking to recive pain) isn't a disorder unless it's causing distress to the individual or imparing their functioning with the outside world. As a submissive and a machoist I've often fantasised and wished I could be those girls in the torture vids. However, this IS causing you distress and it IS interfering with your ability to function (it's changing your personality) and therefore it's not healthy for YOU.

Liking this stuff isnt a bad thing, but letting it change you and take over you? That is a bad thing.

So here's my vote. Make an alter ego. Go online, make sure you have private searching up, create a name for this separate you. Reasearch consent in kinky relationships, and read up about aftercare and how machoisim and sadisim works. Go in chatrooms and talk to the people that are into this stuff (although make sure you specify that you're not up for cybersex). Read online blogs about the daily lives of kinky couples, and ask questions. oh so many questions. Even if it sounds silly. Learn some knots and how to treat rope burn. Research safewords and find some of you're own. Know the difference between "stingy" and "thuddy" pain. And reasearch what you like and dont like. find out how to create an experience for your machoist, or would you like them to lead? maybe you could switch it up?

Explore, Be safe, Always get consent, and good luck
And if you need to talk anytime, I'm here.

Eruanna
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