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Old December 18th, 2015, 03:15 PM   #1
tulolita2015
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Default can this be call abuse?

HI everyone i've been reading some posts involving abuse situations like some experience I had. I used to stay in my best friend house (girl) some weekends when I was 11 until we moved that I was 13. Well I used to watch her father doing exercise in the basement lot of times in the morning while the rest were sleeping. He never did anything wrong but I do realize he was excited it, (I can noticed his erections) but he never did anything or talked something wrong to me, until one day he pull his penis out and start masturbating in front of me and I just freak out and in the same time curious and enjoy it. Now every time I think about it I got horny and stuff and I do like older men a lot. My question is : Is that experienced making me like older man so much? he was like 45
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Old December 18th, 2015, 09:05 PM   #2
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tulolita2015 View Post
HI everyone i've been reading some posts involving abuse situations like some experience I had. I used to stay in my best friend house (girl) some weekends when I was 11 until we moved that I was 13. Well I used to watch her father doing exercise in the basement lot of times in the morning while the rest were sleeping. He never did anything wrong but I do realize he was excited it, (I can noticed his erections) but he never did anything or talked something wrong to me, until one day he pull his penis out and start masturbating in front of me and I just freak out and in the same time curious and enjoy it. Now every time I think about it I got horny and stuff and I do like older men a lot. My question is : Is that experienced making me like older man so much? he was like 45
it might contribute to it, but things like why you desire a specific kind of person are usually much more complex than any one situation. know what i mean?
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Old December 18th, 2015, 11:14 PM   #3
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

I'm not sure if this is necessarily abuse per say but it was most definitely wrong. People go to prison for that. There's a certain term they use but I don't quite remember what it is. It's totally possible that that experience makes you like older men so much, but liking older men isn't necessarily a bad thing. Be who you are and like who you like and don't ever be ashamed of it.
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Old December 21st, 2015, 11:10 AM   #4
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Well thats not something that affect my life but I really appreciate the comments!
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Old December 23rd, 2015, 11:04 PM   #5
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

i dont think thats abuse. he didnt really hurt you and you sort of enjoyed it
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Old December 24th, 2015, 12:48 AM   #6
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

If he isn't harming you in any way, it's not abuse.

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Old December 27th, 2015, 10:29 PM   #7
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManic View Post
I'm not sure if this is necessarily abuse per say but it was most definitely wrong. People go to prison for that. There's a certain term they use but I don't quite remember what it is. It's totally possible that that experience makes you like older men so much, but liking older men isn't necessarily a bad thing. Be who you are and like who you like and don't ever be ashamed of it.
Think the term @MadManic is grooming in the UK.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PhandomMember View Post
If he isn't harming you in any way, it's not abuse.
It's still abuse according to the law, I guess.

Con 16, UK, straight

None of my posts represent the opinions of my startup, our clients (both past and present) or constitute medical or legal advice of any kind.
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Old December 31st, 2015, 04:19 AM   #8
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Maybe not abuse but flashing his penis at you is illegal where I come from
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Old January 2nd, 2016, 02:27 AM   #9
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

That's called indecent exposure to a minor and is a crime.

But how it affected you is not an easy question to answer.

I personally believe how any event affects you is a two-way street, it involves the event influencing you in that you witnessed or are involved in said event by whatever degree of separation and the second part being how you interpret those experiences influencing a positive or negative memory and then personal growth trajectory.

It could be argued that deep down before he did anything inappropriate, a part of you already had a preference for older men, hence you enjoyed watching him but you were so young you weren't even self-aware of developing preferences yet.

It's a weird paradox, was it a latent attraction that was always there or was it created from the event? Nobody knows, the only person who decides that is you.

--

For me similar paradoxes exist, but I personally believe I have control of my nature and that all my feelings and preferences and views are my choice to experience my choice to like or dislike because all my experiences if they be within my sphere of influence belong to me and me alone.

If I willed it, I could turn any dislike into a like or vice-versa.
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Old January 2nd, 2016, 07:32 PM   #10
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

I just want to say I'm sorry you had to experience that and I'm glad it didn't affect you.
It's pretty strange that he would do that with others in the house and not worry about you telling on him as well.
I had a similar experience that I have not yet spoke about on here, I guess I'm just not ready, but I think it has also affected me as far as liking older men and finding them attractive.
I don't want to get way off topic talking about my own issues but I just wanted to say that it can be scarring at such a young age to see things like that.
I would have ran the other way if I saw that at that age, I think?
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Old January 2nd, 2016, 08:41 PM   #11
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

That isn't abuse.

It is however, sexual harassment in my own opinion. No matter what it is, that's not something you do to anyone without their consent, especially a minor.




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Old January 2nd, 2016, 11:55 PM   #12
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Continental View Post
That isn't abuse.

It is however, sexual harassment in my own opinion. No matter what it is, that's not something you do to anyone without their consent, especially a minor.
I agree its not abuse, but highly inappropriate. The fact that he began masturbating in front of you is sick.

It probably has affected you some how. You enjoyed watching him work out? and then you were kinda excited when he took care of himself? Now you associate that memory with arousal. Its not ideal, but I guess you will have to see a therapist or something some day to help get your mind off it.
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Old January 2nd, 2016, 11:58 PM   #13
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Yes it is inappropriate, not sure I would call it abuse.
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Old January 3rd, 2016, 01:54 AM   #14
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Yeah sexual harrasment and indecent exposure, its not a healthy way to form relation ships with people either, hes a creep.

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Currently in germany for a while
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Old January 3rd, 2016, 04:59 AM   #15
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

He is a creep and it was very inappropriate of him, but I don't think that's abuse - he didn't hurt you or force you into anything and you kinda enjoyed it. It could've been disturbing (but you even said you kinda liked it so) to see someone's genitals, but you were in his house, he could've walked in naked or stuff like that. However, if he does it again and it makes you feel weird or uncomfortable, maybe try telling your best friend?
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Old January 3rd, 2016, 01:39 PM   #16
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Innapropriate and creepy, definetly shouldn't happen. BUT, it wouldn't be considered abuse. Maybe harassment
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Old January 5th, 2016, 04:17 AM   #17
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

Um, nah hun , I don't think so , it'll be a different thing if he shoved it in your face . Yuou enjoyed it , you won't get emotional hurt . If you did , well, there's you answer .

look at yourself now
you're letting yourself down
should've stayed at home
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Old January 8th, 2016, 12:23 PM   #18
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

thanks all
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Old February 17th, 2016, 09:08 PM   #19
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Default Re: can this be call abuse?

The OP is banned.
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