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Old November 18th, 2015, 01:00 PM   #1
Meruedu
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Unhappy My mother...

Ok so Im crying as I write this because I know that I'm going to keep it a secret forever if I wait to calm down.
I think I should start with my childhood, which is pretty messed up if I look back. Until I was 5 or 6 I didn't know I had a father because he was working abroad most of the time. I only knew about a tall man that brought me toys every 6 months or so. My mother was (and still is) jobless, pretty much a housewife. She told me later on that she quit her job so she could "raise me properly". So whenever I got bored in our apartament I would go bug my mom while she was doing the housework (which seemed like forever). At some point she would get mad and push me out of the way forcefully. Then I would start laughing like crazy because I apparently thought it was fun.
My dad came back home when I was 7 and stayed until I was 12, only to leave again for a dangerous location to bring more money home. Even when he was at home, all he would do was drink beer in our balcony and then go to sleep, ignoring my mom abusing me.

I was a pretty bright kid, even in kindergarten. I transferred 3 times in my first four years of school because my mom would get into fights with my teachers and they would start bullying me. In third grade, my teacher wasn't really that great, so my mom took it onto herself to "educate me properly". It seems like she has an obsession with Maths. Every time I would make a mistake, no matter how simple, I would either get yelled at (with tons of swearing and insults) or get hit in the head, until the point where I would just scream with tears in my eyes "I don't even care anymore!". Aside from my "education" she would still abuse me (physically and emotionally, but mostly emotionally) because of things she said I did but didn't do, lying when I didn't etc. When I was 10 I had no desire to live anymore, I didn't feel anything: I was like a zombie. I went to school without caring about what I wore, how I looked, who I talked to; I was like a machine with great grades)
When I was eleven I tested myself into the best school in town, only to end up in a class full of snobs and people that don't care when someone is bullied. Yes, that someone is me. My mom fought with the homeroom teacher again so everyone, including teachers and classmates started bullying me. After only one month I couldn't take it anymore and talked with my dad so I could transfer again.
My "education" continued and at some point when my mom was fighting me (physically) I restrained her with my own body and told her that her actions made me feel like I want to throw myself out through the window.
She laughed and said that I was free to do it if I was that stupid. Even though she didn't beat me regularly, the emotional abuse was constant. She made me feel like I was nothing, like I'm never going to be of any worth to anybody, that I was just plain dumb (that considering I had perfect grades) and that my prizes are bs.

She is a cheapskate, antisocial, thinks that friendship should only have benefits (she blocked me from having friends and even if she didn't she would constantly make me feel humiliated even when I was outside with other kids); she wants to break the ties with her own family.

And what hurts me a lot is...that she's sick. One night she obligated me to stroll with her in the park and she told me how her tyroid was messed up ever since I was born. Her disease causes agresivity and irritability. I was lucky it was dark because I started crying on the spot. Is it fate that I hate or her? Anyways, the damage that she's done to me is too much for me to be able to not hate her. I just want to go abroad to college faster and get rid of her forever.

Her birthday is tomorrow. I worked two days for her birthday card and I planned to buy her flowers, but now I feel sorry for wasting that time.
When I was a kid and I had a fight with her once, I took a collage that I made for her and broke it to pieces right in front of her. I'm afraid I might do that again if she pisses me off like she did today. All I wanted was for her to..apologise, but I guess I won't be getting that during this lifetime.

Thanks for reading my story. Even though I said I felt suicidal as a kid, I had no access to a psychiatrist because my mom doesn't really believe in psychology. And I couldn't just go to my school's doctor because that would make my classmates look at me like I'm a weirdo. But it'll get better. I only have 5 more years to live with her, then I'm going to be shipped to college abroad and hopefully never coming back. As of right now, I have no desire to commit suicide, but I don't know about the next 5 years if this continues. As a little note though, some people might comment that I should talk with my dad, but it's no use since he saw what was happening and still pretends like we're a happy little family. What happened to me in my childhood seems to be erased from their minds, but it affected me greatly.

Last edited by Meruedu; November 18th, 2015 at 01:04 PM.
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Old November 18th, 2015, 01:34 PM   #2
yatapunch
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Default Re: My mother...

I just hope right now that I'm not going to write something stupid,
because my english isn't that good and sometimes I can't understand
how the other person feels. Anyway, like you wrote. You have only 5 more years
to live with her. I just think it's not an apocalypse that you experience right now.
In other words you get food and catering, that's important.

Your problem is that she's severely with you and hurting you.
I mean you must go through this, the other option would be to go to the "teen court".
If you can't hold it out anymore.

She doesn't have rights to hit you, but I mean...
Is she really hitting you that hard?
Do you get bruises?

And she's stopping you to get friends right?
I don't thing she has right to do that too, dunno.

But don't forget that she's your mother, even if she's doing those things
I wouldn't say that she doesn't loves you.
I couldn't imagine that.

But I really must say...
after those things you want to give her a present?
That's really nice of you!

I just get to the point
I don't had those experience like you but
if it's really that bad, like she's hurting you until you bleed or something.
Like really really bad. I don't want to be an asshole right now and if you don't
want to get help from the "teen court" or something then I would say.

You should defend yourself.
But please not in a hardcore way like punching her or something like that.
Something like being sarcastic with her and just provoke her.

I don't think my answer will help...
if my answer is stupid then you should just ignore that.

But just remember that she's your mother...
She has born you and grew you up.

And because of your school problems I would say that you should just ignore that.
Just learn in your school and finish it and you're not having those problem anymore.

Sorry if I confused with "these" and "those" I don't get that.
Good luck and be strong. Only 5 years remaining...
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Old November 18th, 2015, 02:35 PM   #3
Meruedu
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Default Re: My mother...

Quote:
Originally Posted by yatapunch View Post
She doesn't have rights to hit you, but I mean...
Is she really hitting you that hard?
Do you get bruises?

You should defend yourself.
But please not in a hardcore way like punching her or something like that.
Something like being sarcastic with her and just provoke her.
I must say that I have only one small scar on my belly, and the bruises that I got were pretty small and healed. I do remember some scary things though, but I guess it could have been worse.

Being sarcastic and ironic is what I've been doing until now, but my mom blames me for being ungrateful and says that I should watch my behaviour and stuff. Doing that just makes her angrier until she can't think logically anymore.

Was it because I calmed down? Because I poured my heart here or just your reply? I'm feeling a bit better and I have hope for the future. Having a good ol' crying outbreak sometimes helps.
And don't worry, I understood your message pretty well and I'm not very confident with my English myself.
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Old November 18th, 2015, 04:23 PM   #4
yatapunch
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Default Re: My mother...

Oh geez, I would already slapped/punched her.

Anyway... you really got a problem here.
Alright, I'm just going to tell you what I would do in such a situation.

Talk with her, but not a quiet conversation.
You really need to scream at her and tell her how you feel
and if she's getting angry then slap her.

Trust me that's going to be worth it.
Or just really tell her how you feel, I don't see other options.
Right now I'm really happy about my life, that I never had such a problem like you.

Or search for help at a family counselor?
It's your choice, but don't blame me if you really hit her and something bad happend.
I'm going to tell you right now that something bad will happen when you're going to
slap her or something like that. But it's going to be worth it!

You need a lot of courage now.
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Old November 19th, 2015, 01:54 AM   #5
Periphery
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Default Re: My mother...

Quote:
Originally Posted by yatapunch View Post
Oh geez, I would already slapped/punched her.

Anyway... you really got a problem here.
Alright, I'm just going to tell you what I would do in such a situation.

Talk with her, but not a quiet conversation.
You really need to scream at her and tell her how you feel
and if she's getting angry then slap her.

Trust me that's going to be worth it.
Or just really tell her how you feel, I don't see other options.
Right now I'm really happy about my life, that I never had such a problem like you.

Or search for help at a family counselor?
It's your choice, but don't blame me if you really hit her and something bad happend.
I'm going to tell you right now that something bad will happen when you're going to
slap her or something like that. But it's going to be worth it!

You need a lot of courage now.
I don't think slapping her might be a good idea in a situation like this.

@Meruedu Is there anyone in your family you can talk to or perhaps stay with? I think finding someone is probably the best idea right now. One thing you must not do is hurt yourself. You have to stay safe. If you have someone to talk to, you can explain your situation to them and maybe stay with them. I hope this advice helps.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
-Marilyn Manson

Android? We can't be friends sorry!!!!!
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Old November 21st, 2015, 03:20 PM   #6
City Kid
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Default Re: My mother...

Oh god, I don't even know where to start.

First of all, it doesn't matter in the slightest how bad the bruises look after your mom hit you. She doesn't have any right to abuse you, be it physical or emotional.

I also agree with @marb121 that hitting her isn't a good idea at all. Trying to fight violence using more violence never works out.

I've got to tell you that I don't think you should just endure those 5 more years with your mom. You just don't deserve it. You should seek help.
In my country there's a governmental authority whose job it is to make sure every minor can live a safe abuse free life. And even though my situation at home isn't even as bad as yours sounds and even though I'd only have to stay here two more years instead of five, I took the opportunity to go to this authority when I realized that I couldn't take living with my dad anymore.
And they do help. In my country, depending on how bad your situation is, they either provide family therapy or just move you into some assisted living facility. I've been to a few and even stayed in one for a few days, believe me, it's not as bad as it may sound. (The fact that I didn't end up staying in the one I was in was mostly my own fault, not the facility's. And I'm actually trying to get into another one as soon as possible.)

Hope you got everything I was saying. It's difficult explaining something like this to someone who lives in another country. Speaking of, why is your English as perfect as it is if you live in Romania? :0 Props to you!

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Old November 24th, 2015, 01:10 PM   #7
Meruedu
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Default Re: My mother...

Quote:
Originally Posted by marb121 View Post
@Meruedu Is there anyone in your family you can talk to or perhaps stay with? I think finding someone is probably the best idea right now. One thing you must not do is hurt yourself. You have to stay safe. If you have someone to talk to, you can explain your situation to them and maybe stay with them. I hope this advice helps.
I've only committed self-harm once and I'm not doing it again no matter how bad the situation is. It doesn't make me feel better, it doesn't make me forget it, I simply don't get why someone would do it. I'm afraid I don't have any family members that could take me in.

Quote:
Originally Posted by City Kid View Post
You should seek help.
In my country there's a governmental authority whose job it is to make sure every minor can live a safe abuse free life.
And they do help. In my country, depending on how bad your situation is, they either provide family therapy or just move you into some assisted living facility.
In my country there isn't much that the authorities do against child abuse. The laws are there, but they aren't enforced. A cause to this may be the old mentality that people have about raising a child. It still doesn't make it okay.
We also do have some of those assisted living facilities, I have a classmate who lives in one of them and it's not okay. I even went there on a visit when our class donated clothes and toys and even when they tried to be presentable it looked terrible. That classmate of mine is very introverted, she barely talks and is really affected by living in there.
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Old November 24th, 2015, 02:28 PM   #8
Periphery
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Default Re: My mother...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meruedu View Post
I've only committed self-harm once and I'm not doing it again no matter how bad the situation is. It doesn't make me feel better, it doesn't make me forget it, I simply don't get why someone would do it. I'm afraid I don't have any family members that could take me in.



In my country there isn't much that the authorities do against child abuse. The laws are there, but they aren't enforced. A cause to this may be the old mentality that people have about raising a child. It still doesn't make it okay.
We also do have some of those assisted living facilities, I have a classmate who lives in one of them and it's not okay. I even went there on a visit when our class donated clothes and toys and even when they tried to be presentable it looked terrible. That classmate of mine is very introverted, she barely talks and is really affected by living in there.
Well, then I'm afraid the only way to deal with this situation is to just hang on and wait untill you can move out of the house....I know it's not the most fun solution but it's probably the only way....

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
-Marilyn Manson

Android? We can't be friends sorry!!!!!
-Proof Bob is a peasant

~Richelle was here~
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