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Old January 4th, 2014, 03:01 PM   #1
The Trendy Wolf
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Name: Grant
Join Date: August 26, 2013
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Question Why Do I Do These Things?

A few years ago, I was over at my neighbor's house, and they owned a cat named Monty as well as four other dogs, one of which was named Keegan. I visit their home quite often and I still do today, but for these two animals, both of which are owned by their Aunt Katherine, I felt a strong urge to abuse and harm them.

I absolutely love animals, both cats and dogs, and I show affection for both of those two, but I still occasionally felt that same urge to harm them. I would usually bring one of them into a separate room in the house, and for the dog I would often sexually pleasure myself with him, and that was sick, I know. For the cat, I would harm him much more. I would usually throw him, sit on him, punch him, and it went on for days. I had so much rage and I just took it out on them, and if they resisted, then it would only increase my intense anger immensely.

I started puberty earlier than most, so perhaps it was just hormones just beginning to arise. One day, after I had been sitting on the cat, he began to breathe heavily, and I stood up and looked at him. He continued to wheeze and I hugged him carefully, but inside I was panicking. I pet him softly, and I was sobbing and caring for his every need. He was wet because I had splashed water on him, but there was also my own blood from where he had bitten me with his sharp teeth. He crawled under the bed we were sitting on and he still wheezed and meowed loudly.

I didn't know what to do other than alert whoever was in the house at the time, and they called Katherine and she rushed home from work immediately. They took him to the animal hospital a few blocks away and I went there too. We arrived there just after Monty had died, and Katherine was there crying and so were a few other family members. I felt terrible, but I never told them what I had done.

I haven't performed many other forms of abuse recently, but I remember how terrible I felt every time after I finished harming them. I embraced them with love and said I was sorry to them, but they still weren't comfortable around me.

I've never been a very social person, and I believe that it was around that time that I had been doing poorly in school, and it is common among those particular types of children that these actions occur, but there must be some other reason. However, now I am a much better student and I am taking advanced classes, I am much happier but I'm trying to discover the reason for why I did those things.

I figure that I might as well mention that I like to light fires as well. When we have a fire going in the fireplace I always like to throw things in there, whether it's paper or plastic. It's just so cool to see it burning and melting. When I'm alone and there's a candle lit next to me, I might even light a paper towel on fire and just watch it burn.

I'm still wondering the true reason for my actions, but I feel as if I have them under control for the most part now, at least. I would just appreciate some guidance from people who could be able to help in this endeavor. Was I just born this way or was it something that happened to me in my childhood? Feel free to ask me any other questions if need be.

Wolves

I try really hard not to be too full of myself
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Old January 4th, 2014, 03:05 PM   #2
Miserabilia
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Default Re: Why Do I Do These Things?

Oh my... This was very sad and intense to read. ):
Well I really really hope you are past that now, because that is terrible. Maybe you should take an anger management course or something ( i know sounds terrible ) but it's always better then what you did.
Do not immediatly fear that you are a psychopath or something.
You probably just have some problems that you need real help with. You should take this to a real phychiatrist.
You don't want to end up abusing your children one day.

I hope things get better for you ):

shout at the world because the world doesn't love you

lower yourself because you know that you have to.
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Old January 4th, 2014, 03:10 PM   #3
The Trendy Wolf
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Default Re: Why Do I Do These Things?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheesee View Post
Oh my... This was very sad and intense to read. ):
Well I really really hope you are past that now, because that is terrible. Maybe you should take an anger management course or something ( i know sounds terrible ) but it's always better then what you did.
Do not immediatly fear that you are a psychopath or something.
You probably just have some problems that you need real help with. You should take this to a real phychiatrist.
You don't want to end up abusing your children one day.

I hope things get better for you ):
Might I add that I have certainly moved past much of these issues now. I suppose that I was much more pleasure-driven and selfish back then, but I was, in fact, planning to discuss this with my school psychologist to see what she thinks. I have recently been helping others with their own problems and I'm much, much less selfish now.

Wolves

I try really hard not to be too full of myself
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Old January 4th, 2014, 03:54 PM   #4
Miserabilia
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Name: dan/johnny foreigner/cheesee
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Default Re: Why Do I Do These Things?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Literate View Post
Might I add that I have certainly moved past much of these issues now. I suppose that I was much more pleasure-driven and selfish back then, but I was, in fact, planning to discuss this with my school psychologist to see what she thinks. I have recently been helping others with their own problems and I'm much, much less selfish now.
Good luck then

shout at the world because the world doesn't love you

lower yourself because you know that you have to.
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