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Old December 14th, 2013, 10:06 AM   #1
mai-rin
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Post The past 14 months

I've only just come out with what happened last October ,from there on it's all been down hill.

When I was around 6 we moved to a different part of town ,me and my elder brother were really excited to find out there were other kids in our small road (14 terraced houses) We'd moved to a new school and everything was great for a while... Then we met the twins who lived opposite and started hanging out.I was the youngest ,the baby out of us.our parents from what I can remember got on well with theirs ,the female twin became my older sister figure,her brother was a different story entirely.Kids squabble and our families had arguments over the next few month's ,but they always made up.

One day the twins came over to ours like always after school and played video games with my brother when there was a knock at my door ,it was him.He walked in smiling at me ... it was sinister to say the least ,he sat down next to me and started braiding my hair ,whispering to me.I just carried on playing with my toys for a bit before I felt his hand on top of mine.I looked up asking if he was ok and he started to push me back. I clammed up wondering what was going on.Then he groped me.

The first few times this happened it was just groping and over time it went on from that to rape later on.As he got older the more violent he got ,I was so scared ,but I had to act normal around people.I was his 'property' and he wasn't willing to let me go.This went on until I was about 11 ,then it suddenly stopped when he lost interest in me ,although he'd still come by occasionally to scare me into keeping quiet and as far as he was concerned I am always going to be his.

--- 2012/13
Everything that happened has scarred me ,even now I cant bare to be around guys.when I came out with it last October everyone got involved although I refused to talk to the police about it,even to this day. Children's services know about it and my old school do too.

By mid October my cutting got worse and I couldn't cope ,I'd'd sit rocking myself crying .I hadn't been in my room since the disclosure.One time I cut at school,I cleaned myself up and walked into my graphics lesson .My best friend ollie stopped still ,staring at me .Then ran off to get a teacher,I had blood dripping down me .They took me to hospital for stitches and they gave me a whole talk about it.This was reoccurant untill I decided life was too much.I was admitted to the emergency room after running away in the middle of the night as I'd planned to jump off a high rise of apartments.Instead I went to my mates because I thought I was being followed.I hid with the shrubs in her front garden until she opened her window and saw me.Her mum called my parents who took me.

Adolescent outreach became involved and I was put on anti depressants.Late November came and again I couldn't cope .I was eating a meal with my mental health nurse and she asked if I was getting better.I broke down in tears and walked off.She chased me and managed to get me to go home.She had to phone her colleagues and the police about getting me sectioned .I was later that night taken off to a metal health hospital where I spent the next month and a half (including Christmas) .I made several attempts inside there including one near successful hanging with a pair of tights .After I was 'better' they released me home where I was as miserable as ever.I got on with things ,still sleeping on the sofa as I still hadn't been in my room since October.After a long battle the council moved us away from Him in April.

May came and I was starting to heal ,I persuaded mum to let me go off to visit my friends in my old town.I woke up and got ready ,they dropped me off at Mc Donalds and left.I text my friends and didn't receive a reply so I walked on to where we would meet.I took a short cut through a field over looking town .I stopped for a second to admire the view when I heard footsteps .Someone grabbed me and dragged me back into the woods -I struggled but nothing worked ,I screamed ,but no one came.I really thought my luck was getting better ,but yet again I was raped .After ,He spat on me and walked off leaving me crying.I wasn't badly hurt just a few scrapes and bruises .After a few hours I got up off the ground dusted myself off and called for a lift home.

When I arrived home my parents went back to our neighbours with me .I started to feel sick so I went up to their girls bed and went to sleep.I woke up vomiting ,I felt really ill and passed out.I was taken to a hospital and kept in for a week on iv for food poisoning .That whole week in hospital I spent thinking about what had happened.when I got home I took a overdose of 32 paracetamol and 8 ibuprofen. Again I was violently ill and taken back.This time they called out adolescent out reach again who were going to put me back in a mental health hospital,I just said I did it because I felt depressed again about what had happened when I was younger.In the end I promised to stay safe.At that point no one knew about the recent rape.It took me month's to tell,but I did in the end.

It got out what happened around a local secondary school and people said I was lying and a slag ,I had to deal with hate messages on fb and people calling me up at all hours harassing me.This compared to everything else was nothing although it hurt.

Its been a long journey ,but i'm glad i'm still here.I still suffer with ptsd because of the attacks ,but i'm better than I was .This past 14 month's nearly killed me multiple times.Sometimes I still get down and get suicidal ,but i've kept safe so far. Actually writing this made me feel extremely nauseous ,even to remember all this ,but I cant keep bottling up. I'm trying to move on although at the back of my mind I feel as though no guy will ever want me because of what happened.
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Old December 14th, 2013, 11:50 AM   #2
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Your so strong... I personally could have never continued if that happened to me but you did. This is such a story of courage and bravery as well as pain and suffering. Hearing this from someone with so much more life ahead of them just gives me chills. It really does suck that an amazing person like you had to go through this at such a young age but challenges make us strong in life <3

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Old December 14th, 2013, 11:38 PM   #3
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You must go to the police! This man WILL hurt others just like he did you! He probably already is! Your just as bad if you don't tell the authorities! That shit bag deserves to rot in prison for what he did! But I do mean it, if he's not in prison he's hurting other innocent girls just like you and you have the power to stop him, if you don't your sentencing others to the same torture.

I know how hard it is to tell them but you must! That man can not live in society!


And never feel that you won't be wanted, your not used merchandice or spoiled in any way. Your not a slut or a whore or dirty. Your you and a wonderful person! Someone WILL love you some day, a real partner who would never hurt you. Give your self time.

Also what happened was a horrible thing and can never be taken back. But don't let it destroy you, let it make you stronger. Don't let him win! If you haven't already take self defense courses. They can be a great place to learn and practice getting away from people like that. And it will build your self confidence. I've learn it and it has come in handy for me, iI've been attacked more than once but got away each time.

Your a great person, your strong and you can have a wonderful life ahead! and you certainly are never alone in this even if it feels so.

Also I'm very sorry you got sectioned. I don't know how it is in the UK but that's not how you deal with trauma, trapping people in those places just makes it worse. And what you have wrote does not warrant a section. Section is designed for mentally I'll such a schizophrenia or other violent or psychotic disorders. Its not designed for trauma or emotional issues and usually induces PTSD for these patents after the stay.

Least where I'm from its a terrible system and it never helps. So im very sorry if you had a bad experience there too.

~I do not try to give advice as much as I do just point out facts as I have found people like to make their own decisions in life, not be told what one is best to make~


Please excuse my typos. I'm usually on my phone and it has issues.

Last edited by Harley Quinn; December 15th, 2013 at 06:12 PM. Reason: merging
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Old December 15th, 2013, 02:18 PM   #4
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You're such a brave person. However, as Katiya said. This man will continue this, you are already courageous and deserve so much better and you're a pure heart. Stay strong and please tell the authorities. Justice must prevail!
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Old December 15th, 2013, 04:08 PM   #5
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What you guys have said makes sense although ...well I must be a bad person if I don't want to go to them.I mean I would ,but It's not like they'd believe me and nor would it hold up.I tried explaining this to social services but even they wernt 100% convinced they treated me like a common criminal...Like I was some con-artist .I broke down crying ,I couldn't get the words out and yet no matter how much I tried they still had doubts.I don't see a point in talking to the police .All this stirred up when I talked to social services (children's services) a whole case would brake me - ive been strong up until now ,but I know I wouldn't last.

As for the second attack my doctor said without dna that there is almost no chance unless the person came forward we would know who did it. There is no cctv and I have a mental block on what they looked like exactly (not that I got much of a glimpse - I didn't want to have to look at them ,even for a second.) I always thought through the first attack's that when it ended I would tell.I wanted justice ,but over time it got harder.I'd always heard cases on programs where the victims kept quiet and that angered and confused me - but now im one of them and just like them I've kept quiet .I'm scared and not so much of him,but that i'll be told im lying .

In every regard I do what I can for others ,but with this I really cant .I may be now as bad as him ,but unless you've lived through this it'd be hard to understand.However I am grateful for the advice.I have to live with the fact he may do it again and that im subjecting them to it because im selfish .I'm all thats wrong with the world in some peoples eyes (not you guys) I have the power to put an end to it yet I still dont.

Another thing is money talks .I'm sure he'd find a way out or if not that his whole family are military ,one way or another i'd be silenced.

I apologise if I seem like a complete idiot,it's just how it is for me.
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Old December 15th, 2013, 11:51 PM   #6
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What you guys have said makes sense although ...well I must be a bad person if I dostory. ant to go to them.I mean I would ,but It's not like they'd believe me and nor would it hold up.I tried explaining this to social services but even they wernt 100% convinced they treated me like a common criminal...Like I was some con-artist .I broke down crying ,I couldn't get the words out and yet no matter how much I tried they still had doubts.I don't see a point in talking to the police .All this stirred up when I talked to social services (children's services) a whole case would brake me - ive been strong up until now ,but I know I wouldn't last.

As for the second attack my doctor said without dna that there is almost no chance unless the person came forward we would know who did it. There is no cctv and I have a mental block on what they looked like exactly (not that I got much of a glimpse - I didn't want to have to look at them ,even for a second.) I always thought through the first attack's that when it ended I would tell.I wanted justice ,but over time it got harder.I'd always heard cases on programs where the victims kept quiet and that angered and confused me - but now im one of them and just like them I've kept quiet .I'm scared and not so much of him,but that i'll be told im lying .

In every regard I do what I can for others ,but with this I really cant .I may be now as bad as him ,but unless you've lived through this it'd be hard to understand.However I am grateful for the advice.I have to live with the fact he may do it again and that im subjecting them to it because im selfish .I'm all thats wrong with the world in some peoples eyes (not you guys) I have the power to put an end to it yet I still dont.

Another thing is money talks .I'm sure he'd find a way out or if not that his whole family are military ,one way or another i'd be silenced.

I apologise if I seem like a complete idiot,it's just how it is for me.
You have valid points. However just getting the complaints on record may help a future victem catch him. And you could later get justice that way.

And I can't believe they would say your lieing! I mean I can believe it...but that's just so wrong of them! A huge percentage of vitems know the abuser! I feel your pain hun! Its just so wrong. So so wrong

However I will urge you to tell. You and I know you are not a liar. It doesn't matter what they think, but like I said before it could be vital for a future testimony. If he gets caught you will be believed and it will give him a much longer setance. Also a good therapist can help you work through the memory block. I've had this, and its still in there, you just have to find the key again

And iI know how this kind thing feels. Impossible, like it would kill you. I was in a similar situation and filed my story. I felt much the same as you but I managed. One day i was just angry enough that i spoke out despite it all. But if they ever catch this person he will do much harder time because of what I stated about what happened to me. Even though I have nothing to go on.

You may still need time or someone to help you but you can and should do it. if its any consolation I felt better after I spoke out. Not immediately but I'm now really glad I did because I could still help someone else. It was really really hard, but hey I'm still here and I didn't think I'd make it either.
You have fight to make it this far, I'm sure you can help bring him down. Anyway I do hope he gets caught one way or another, ...or gets hit by a bus... What ever comes first.

~I do not try to give advice as much as I do just point out facts as I have found people like to make their own decisions in life, not be told what one is best to make~


Please excuse my typos. I'm usually on my phone and it has issues.
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Old December 16th, 2013, 06:21 AM   #7
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You have fight to make it this far, I'm sure you can help bring him down. Anyway I do hope he gets caught one way or another, ...or gets hit by a bus... What ever comes first.
Okay I shouldn't have giggled at this >...>

I understand where you are coming from .Right now I'm not in the right state to talk - but maybe soon.I hope he does get what he deserves one way or another.Even if karma gets him and that goes to both guys .

I sat down trying to remember - all I could get was that he had blonde hair,tall,average build and that his accent wasn't from my county .It's not a lot but a start I guess.I cant remember features and such ,I didn't really look at him for long enough.As for the other guy I know all too well what he looks like and i'd prefer to have the image erased .

I dont think his family would believe me ... they'd stick up for him.I hope not though ,he's scum and really needs to serve time for what he did.

maybe one day ....

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Old December 16th, 2013, 07:42 PM   #8
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Okay I shouldn't have giggled at this >...>

I understand where you are coming from .Right now I'm not in the right state to talk - but maybe soon.I hope he does get what he deserves one way or another.Even if karma gets him and that goes to both guys .

I sat down trying to remember - all I could get was that he had blonde hair,tall,average build and that his accent wasn't from my county .It's not a lot but a start I guess.I cant remember features and such ,I didn't really look at him for long enough.As for the other guy I know all too well what he looks like and i'd prefer to have the image erased .

I dont think his family would believe me ... they'd stick up for him.I hope not though ,he's scum and really needs to serve time for what he did.

maybe one day ....
Did you say that you were waiting for friends and they never showed? But told you to be there ext...
If so THIS is a very good lead. Your friends obviously set you up or know who did. It could have even been the first guy impersonating an accent. I would tell the cops and they would interview your friends to find out who did this. Its very likely they were in on it in some way.

~I do not try to give advice as much as I do just point out facts as I have found people like to make their own decisions in life, not be told what one is best to make~


Please excuse my typos. I'm usually on my phone and it has issues.
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Old December 16th, 2013, 07:49 PM   #9
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The second rape sounds extremely suspicious. Your friends don't answer so you take a shortcut they probably knew you'd take. That is so much like a set up. Surprisingly setups happen all the time like that. Many court cases are over such things. Or a criminal gets friend to leave some way or another and goes out to intercept.

That sounds WAY too close to be a coincidence. And no matter what you deserve to be listened to and taken seriously. You were raped. That is a very serious crime. Nothing to play around with "oh she's lying". This is serious and make it known when you do tell.

~I do not try to give advice as much as I do just point out facts as I have found people like to make their own decisions in life, not be told what one is best to make~


Please excuse my typos. I'm usually on my phone and it has issues.
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Old December 17th, 2013, 09:04 AM   #10
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It does sound suspicious - I hope it wasn't them because I'll really lose it.Ive had most of what I had taken from me ,my friends left and I had to move away. I'm fed up with all the bad luck and its stressing me out and making my seizures worse.

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Old December 17th, 2013, 05:09 PM   #11
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Don't let the bad moments change your life.
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Old December 18th, 2013, 07:18 AM   #12
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I'll try.It's just hard to at times,but i've made some good friends here c:

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Old December 18th, 2013, 09:19 PM   #13
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It does sound suspicious - I hope it wasn't them because I'll really lose it.Ive had most of what I had taken from me ,my friends left and I had to move away. I'm fed up with all the bad luck and its stressing me out and making my seizures worse.
Given the info it probably was them. Which is why I think its important that you tell authority's so they can get to the bottom of this and catch the guy and potential friends who might have aided.

I had a set up like this done by people I thought were my closest friends. I almost got gang raped because of them. They already had me on the ground outside the school in back when someone showed up and ran them off. So it does happen.

~I do not try to give advice as much as I do just point out facts as I have found people like to make their own decisions in life, not be told what one is best to make~


Please excuse my typos. I'm usually on my phone and it has issues.
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Old December 22nd, 2013, 05:14 PM   #14
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Hope you get better and stay strong

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Old December 23rd, 2013, 06:33 AM   #15
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Holy Hell. You know what, I honestly think you're a very strong person to be able to go through all that and stay mostly intact. Yes, you've had your moments but you still survived. Not many people who went through what you went through would still be here, but you are. For that I salute you, you're a survivor.

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