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Old June 27th, 2014, 10:11 AM   #701
Deiform
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

It was a sunday night. The friday before, I was made fun of at school. everyone at school hated me. i was in my room, crying after my mom told me to shut up while I was talking to my dad at dinner. i grabbed a pocket knife, and slid the blade slowly down my arm. The blood trickled out, the pain went away. I felt like I was finally free of the shackles of depression. My dad then walked in, saw the knife, and took it away. That was almost 9 months ago now. Less than a week later, I was in an outpatient day program for about 3 weeks. That friday that I was bullied was the last friday I attended that school. My mom continues to be mean to me, and it causes me to self harm. I did not self harm once the entire time my mom was in colorado, about 2 1/2 weeks. That is the longest I have gone.

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Old June 28th, 2014, 03:36 AM   #702
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

It was night time. I had so much stress from school and home as my mom is an alcoholic and the way she acted just made me feel worthless...I was looking on a picture app and a depressing photo of a peencil sharpener with the blade taken out was showing with the words "remember when these were just for pencils" I had just gotten my pencil sharpener so I untightened the screw and went into the bathroom and cut down the side of my wrist. Everyone at school asked if I cut myself I just told them I fell taking my dog out everyone belived it and no more questions were asked.
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Old July 13th, 2014, 12:17 AM   #703
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

I started when I was when I was nine. I was sexually assaulted and I hated myself and accidently cut myself on a piece of glass, I found it released all the stress and all the hatred and I just kept doing it. now I'm 14 and I still cut, the most I've gone without cutting was a week.
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Old July 17th, 2014, 10:33 AM   #704
PulseOfTheLydja
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

I've been selfharming for months and I dont know how to stop :/
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Old July 21st, 2014, 03:23 AM   #705
beverley
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

people should believe in them self no one should do that wrong thing in there life..
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Old July 22nd, 2014, 01:38 AM   #706
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

I only ever cut four times, and the fourth time was the worst. It was a coping mechanism, but it didn't work for me, and only gave me more stress. I found other ways to cope. Cutting really scared me.
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Old July 23rd, 2014, 10:20 PM   #707
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Smile Re: First Time Cutting

Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeLessWorld View Post
Hi im 14 and have been living a life of depression, stress, and distrust and have been bullied roughly seance the 2nd grade its been everything from name calling,cyber bulling, physical harassment all the way to even having the kids clip me while walking down the street with a golf cart. Id been thinking of suicide since the summer of 6th grade but didn't want to take the risk of living. So on the Day of may 18th 2014 i...Started..cutting.The first swipe hurt then the second and third i just closed my eyes and thought of the pain flowing out with the cuts. i think im starting to be addicted is there any won who can give advice on how not to cut again. HELP
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Old August 8th, 2014, 12:14 PM   #708
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

When was the first time you cut yourself? probably about 2-3 years ago now i think
What did it feel like the first time you cut yourself? weird i guess i don't think it hurt though
What was going through your head at the time? idk

it was because of a friend she was self harming and i felt like it was my fault sooo yh she blamed me and stuff and i just felt like i deserved it more than she did
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Old August 19th, 2014, 03:39 PM   #709
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

first time. maybe january time so like 7 months ago.

storytime:
i had gotten a crush on my bestfriend but the feelings escalated really quickly since i had known her for 2 years before that. i realized in the month in-between me telling her and the first time i cut that i had a thing about holding knives and sharp objects (even the corners of cardboard if they were sharp) and just rubbing my fingers on them and rubbing them along my arm. one day i was sitting in the kitchen on my phone when i got a message she had been punched by her abusive boyfriend and i was on the way to go out (not with her since her boyfriend wouldn't let her) and i walked past a knife on the bench and i just couldn't walk past it. i stopped and started going crazy. when i was out my friends had saw it and asked me if it was self harm and i said i had fell and hurt my arm on a wall but they didnt believe me so i stormed off. i haven't stopped cutting since.


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Old August 30th, 2014, 04:38 PM   #710
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

what if i just want to fucking cut myself????
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Old September 8th, 2014, 03:36 PM   #711
Prejudiceisignorance
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Unhappy Re: First Time Cutting

I've been cutting for a while. At first it was on my leg so that people wouldn't notice but then it got kind of hard to walk, so I ended up doing it on my arm. My first time was after I talked to my friend about being gay and then they basically disowned me, so I started questioning wether I was worth anything. I know now that there's nothing wrong with being gay...it's just that I cut for a coping mechanism now
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Old September 8th, 2014, 03:57 PM   #712
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

The first time I cut myself I had a boyfriend and a friend who apparently was "in love" with him when she actually was just playing both of us. It was a little over a year and three months ago, and she was basically telling me I should just kill myself already, and my boyfriend told me he wanted to go talk to her because she was just "in a really bad place." I remember feeling so alone and unwanted that I actually considered killing myself. I cut myself that day, and I've had problems with self harm ever since. There are times I look back and think it was stupid to do it, yet I still get urges to hurt myself every once in a while.
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Old September 19th, 2014, 11:58 PM   #713
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

Hi my name is Leyna, I'm 12 and my first time cutting was today. It felt okay, it didn't hurt as much as I thought, but I did panic I little when I saw the blood. I did when everyone was asleep. I wasn't even planning it. It just happened.
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Old September 20th, 2014, 05:27 PM   #714
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

At first, I didn't resort straight to cutting. I was 11 years old and getting bullied for being overweight. I stopped eating proper meals and was surviving on fizzy drinks, chewing gum and sour lolly pops. I lost a tonne of weight and was essentially skin and bone. I never used to wear any form of jacket in the winter, even when it had been snowing. This resulted in me avoiding hypothermia by an inch. My mum took me to the doctor and they said that I was "deliberately hurting myself for attention." I didn't even know that letting yourself practically freeze to death and not eating properly was considered SH. What the doctor said got to me; really got to me. I started doubting everything I was doing and saying and I began to hate myself even more. Eventually, it all got too much and I cut.

I'm not in this never ending cycle of as many as 3 weeks clean to 3 months of SHing at least once a day. I see a psychiatrist, a psychologist and a therapist for reasons regarding my mental health but I fear that if I tell them, they'll take away my SHing. And, too me, SHing has become a part of who I am. If they take that away, they'll be taking away a part of my being and I don't think I'm ready for that.

R
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Old September 20th, 2014, 05:31 PM   #715
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leyna View Post
Hi my name is Leyna, I'm 12 and my first time cutting was today. It felt okay, it didn't hurt as much as I thought, but I did panic I little when I saw the blood. I did when everyone was asleep. I wasn't even planning it. It just happened.
Hey, Leyna. If you'd like to talk about anything, I'll gladly listen

R
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Old September 21st, 2014, 02:52 PM   #716
Leyna
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Unhappy Re: First Time Cutting

I've got four cuts on my left wrist now, and I guy at school saw them. He didn't say anything but he kept looking at my wrists all day. I'm afraid he'll tell someone and they'll take away my only feeling of control.
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Old September 22nd, 2014, 02:19 PM   #717
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

My first time was 6 years ago, when I was 10. I didn't really know what was going on due to 3 family members dying in a car accident, my cousin who died at birth and my parents constantly arguing all over 1 week. I remember feeling hurt and alone. I didn't know what was going on and my parents have been divorced since I was 4 so couldn't understand why they were arguing. I was angry at the world and myself. When I got a razor blade I found in the bathroom, and pressed it to my skin, not yet digging in, but I could feel the sharpness, I remember repeating in my head, 'your alone just do it, it will help, I promise' so I did it, as I closed my eyes and cried quietly I made 10 slits for my age and haven't stopped since. I remember reading something about self harm and how it helps relieve stress so I tried it and have been addicted for 6 years now, I've come to terms with my self harm but don't talk about it and only a few people know, none of which is family, I have major trust issues have anger issues and I feel self harm gets easier every time I do it but it makes it that much harder to stop. I thought I would share my story to help myself and others of my situation and what self harm. Thank you if you read this. Any questions and comments will be read and answered.
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Old September 25th, 2014, 04:19 PM   #718
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

I don't remember the first time I cut myself, but the first time I burned myself, I just wanted to make myself ugly. I wanted to hurt myself so badly. I just wanted the flames to eat me alive.


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Old October 3rd, 2014, 05:25 PM   #719
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

I was 10 was so mad at the world and I did it and the pain sort of numbed the madness
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Old October 8th, 2014, 04:50 PM   #720
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

The first time i cut was last year actually, they started small at first only at the top of my wrist so they were easily hidden by bracelets; but then they gradually worsened spreading up my arm. My whole left arm is now covered in scars which aren't very noticeable, but to me i see them everytime i look at my arm. The first tattoo i got was a semi colon, i mostly got in on my wrist to cover up my scars but to also give me a reminder of why im still here. I'm getting another tattoo soon to begin the long journey of covering all of my scars and to also give me closure, because honestly not being able to see them will be a final reminder that i've hopefully kicked it.
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