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Old February 10th, 2014, 04:06 PM   #681
Gamma Male
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

I'm thinking about doing it for the first time. Depressed mom, autistic brother(not functioning), crappy house, no friends, nowhere to go(live in a suburb south of DFW, nearest town is a few miles away), and an dad who's never home. I can't wait till I turn 18.

~No really, I love capitalistic markets, I just think we should consider letting the workers seize the means of production.~
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Old February 10th, 2014, 04:15 PM   #682
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

The first time I did it was for a stupid reason and I regretted it almost immediately
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Old February 14th, 2014, 09:47 AM   #683
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

I still remember. It was a Thursday morning and I felt worthless and second grade because the guy I liked was going to go on a date with my bestie. AT the time I felt so betrayed and stupid for who I was. Now, things have just changed and the problems went with it.

"Nyx, Nyx, Nyx, Nyx, Nyx"


I'm not very active, but if you need someone to chat to, PM me.

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Old February 17th, 2014, 06:24 AM   #684
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

i think my first time was november 18th, which is 3 months ago tomorrow :/

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Old February 18th, 2014, 08:53 AM   #685
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Cool Re: First Time Cutting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jono View Post
When was the first time you cut yourself? What did it feel like the first time you cut yourself? What was going through your head at the time? If you look at the thing that was going through your head at the time you can try and figure out why you cut in the first place.
A long time ago, good but painful, Gay and legal and school issues and family, stress is what caused it although I think I fainted first time after looking at the blood but then I got used to it XD

~St John Ambulance (Cadet)
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Old March 27th, 2014, 02:54 AM   #686
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i started 3/19/14 the main reason was stress this that and the other thing and i cried myself to sleep that night


250 posts at 1:39 4/2/2014
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Old April 18th, 2014, 02:52 AM   #687
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i act normal when i am anything but, i smile when i want to scream and cry, i act like i care when i don't give a crap, i live even though i want to die
-(poem i wrote like 30 seconds ago)

My first time i purposefully hurt myself was about 2 months ago. It was horrible, but i just couldn't stop my mind from stressing and going crazy thinking about him. i felt like i was going to explode if i didn't do something, so i took a pencil and hit my arm as hard as i could. it calmed my mind. For the first time in weeks i was at peace; i wasn't thinking about him (my abusive father) or about suicide, i was calm, maybe not happy, but at least i felt in control of myself again.

I am so afraid to tell anyone; my mom is a school counselor and blows everything out of proportion. if i tell her, or if she finds out, she will send me away to some mental facility. My friends are so innocent; we're the straight A overachiever group, they have no idea about my dad, let alone the cutting. If i tell them, their not going to understand; we had a girl who openly cut last year and they (myself included at the time) all freaked. No one understands.

Can anyone think of something, anything, i can do? i want to stop before it gets worse, i need to stop. But every time i try, my mental pain and depression and thoughts of suicide get worse and worse until i give in and use self harm to get control over myself again. Please someone help.

i am
a small town girl, sophomore in high school, president and founder of a club, manager of a sport, straight A student

I have
Dyslexia, aspergers syndrome, high IQ (NOT a good thing), abusive father (and brother who copies him), over-controlling mom

i act normal when i am anything but, i smile when i want to scream and cry, i act like i care when i don't give a crap, i live even though i want to die
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Old May 9th, 2014, 01:37 PM   #688
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

My first time was just a few days ago. Sunday, May 4th.

I had just gotten into a fight with my dad and I was sitting in my room trying not to cry, and to just let it go and feel better instead. But the words "you should cut yourself" kept repeating over and over in my head. I knew it was a terrible idea, but I gave in anyway. I started thinking about the things I had in my room that could do the job. I was desperate, so I found an old CD case and snapped the front plastic. It made this great triangle shape, with a sharp pointed tip and a wide place to hold it. I sat down on the bed and pushed the side end of the plastic (not the sharp tip) into my waist. I dragged it across my skin, and immediately all of the tension and the need to scream and cry lifted away. I did the same motion on myself a few more times and then looked at it. I was disappointed that the only thing it had done was leave an impression in my skin, but later, the cuts swelled and turned red. I couldn't stop looking at them or touching them, so I took a picture with my phone.

I've done it twice more since then, both cuts at different times yesterday and have taken a picture every time. My parents can't stand me right now. I recently had a bad breakup with a boyfriend who was nothing but a liar and a cheat, I meant nothing to him. I have no control over my life and no one who cares enough to stand by me while I suffer through the worst bout of depression I've ever experienced. I know this is wrong, that cutting can be addictive and is one of the worst ways to cope with things, but it is one of the few things I have control over. No one can stop me from cutting, and it releases all the emotions I can't handle right now. This is my destructive way of gaining control and I will do it until my parents realize how much they're hurting me. So I'll probably be doing this for a long while.
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Old May 19th, 2014, 08:59 PM   #689
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Unhappy Re: First Time Cutting

My first cut was Monday May 12th. I was thinking about cutting for a long time and I couldn't keep myself from doing it. My life is shit and all the peoples I try to talk to just stop talking to me after like a week... I'm just verry annoying and needy... So a few weeks before, I asked a friend of mine how she got her blades (She did cut and I helped her stop) and she just told me how to... She said that anyway I woudn't cut because I'm tough and all this bullshit... So I had blades but I was afraid of using them. So maybe a week later, all my friends just stop talking to me cuz I was annoying and I wasn't helping them... That was just too much because they were the only ones I talked to... So after, maybe 2 days after, theres this girl that I stoped talking to that just msg me on skype and stared saying crap on me and everything... She said that I ruined her life but she wouldn't tell me how. Right after that, an other dude said that I was a dramatic little bitch. That. Was. Enough. I grabbed my biggest blade and at 0:00 , I made the first cut razor thin. A gentle kiss on virgin skin. ― Madeleine Kuderick, Kiss of Broken Glass... And I msg the girl that helped me getting the blades that I was sorry. She asked why but I didn't tell her that I cut. She was and she truly is the only one left in my life. She said that she would cut if I do it, and that's why I haven't told her yet. Each night from now on, at 0:00, I cut because my life is crap and I'm too whimp to kill myself. Each night from now on, I msg her that I'm sorry, but she don't know why. That was my story.
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Old May 20th, 2014, 08:29 AM   #690
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

Hi im 14 and have been living a life of depression, stress, and distrust and have been bullied roughly seance the 2nd grade its been everything from name calling,cyber bulling, physical harassment all the way to even having the kids clip me while walking down the street with a golf cart. Id been thinking of suicide since the summer of 6th grade but didn't want to take the risk of living. So on the Day of may 18th 2014 i...Started..cutting.The first swipe hurt then the second and third i just closed my eyes and thought of the pain flowing out with the cuts. i think im starting to be addicted is there any won who can give advice on how not to cut again. HELP
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Old May 20th, 2014, 08:06 PM   #691
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

2 years ago on may 16th
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Old May 27th, 2014, 08:26 PM   #692
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

Great advice, really helping others

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Old May 27th, 2014, 08:31 PM   #693
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

Lifelessworld, dont focus on the negative. Realize that people do love you. Do what Jono did, just sort things out. Remember, life will get better. Take up a hobby, distract yourself from the cutting. Anything. Even see a therapist, guidance counselor, trusted teacher, or parent. Hope is not lost, just remember that.

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Old May 27th, 2014, 08:38 PM   #694
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymos11 View Post
i act normal when i am anything but, i smile when i want to scream and cry, i act like i care when i don't give a crap, i live even though i want to die
-(poem i wrote like 30 seconds ago)

My first time i purposefully hurt myself was about 2 months ago. It was horrible, but i just couldn't stop my mind from stressing and going crazy thinking about him. i felt like i was going to explode if i didn't do something, so i took a pencil and hit my arm as hard as i could. it calmed my mind. For the first time in weeks i was at peace; i wasn't thinking about him (my abusive father) or about suicide, i was calm, maybe not happy, but at least i felt in control of myself again.

I am so afraid to tell anyone; my mom is a school counselor and blows everything out of proportion. if i tell her, or if she finds out, she will send me away to some mental facility. My friends are so innocent; we're the straight A overachiever group, they have no idea about my dad, let alone the cutting. If i tell them, their not going to understand; we had a girl who openly cut last year and they (myself included at the time) all freaked. No one understands.

Can anyone think of something, anything, i can do? i want to stop before it gets worse, i need to stop. But every time i try, my mental pain and depression and thoughts of suicide get worse and worse until i give in and use self harm to get control over myself again. Please someone help.

i am
a small town girl, sophomore in high school, president and founder of a club, manager of a sport, straight A student

I have
Dyslexia, aspergers syndrome, high IQ (NOT a good thing), abusive father (and brother who copies him), over-controlling mom

i act normal when i am anything but, i smile when i want to scream and cry, i act like i care when i don't give a crap, i live even though i want to die
It's good you are coming out like this. Talk to your mother. She may be helpful. A mental facility probably wont happen, unless you are suicidal. You are smart, and have friends, which is a lot. Your other weaknesses, like dyslexia, are simply hurdles in the race that is life. Go on YouTube, and see how people deal with it. And Aspergers may be bad at first glance, but isn't totally bad. Join another forum, and get support there. High IQ is great, and being an overachiever is fine. Be proud of that. As for your father, talk to him about it, or if that is to scary, your mother. Remember that people do care, and hope is not lost. If your father is so bad, maybe get authorities to help. It may be scary, but can be helpful. Just remember, when you move out or go to college, everything will change. Just stop cutting, it may feel "good", but it is a dangerous thing to do. NEVER give up, and ALWAYS focus on the positive.

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Old May 29th, 2014, 04:16 PM   #695
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Unhappy Re: First Time Cutting

first time i cut was when i was 16 or 15. i dont remember. i think 16. My girlfriend was really emotionally abusive and manipulated me. i take blame for being so naive and easy to control. But nevertheless, i was a very shy person and i was afraid to stick up for myself. she was rude to my brother and she would keep me up on the phone after 2am threatening suicide if i hung up. I believed her and i thought "if she kills herself it is my fault because i hung up and fell asleep at 3am." anyways, one day she told me she cut herself, i didnt see it, but i believed her (again im gullible). I felt "well i must not have been good enough, this is why she cut." "its my fault." so then i cut my wrists about 50 times. i realised what i had done when i woke up the next day. Turns out she didnt cut herself. well she may have, but it was on her leg so it could be from shaving. I continued to cut from then on.

Last edited by gothy; July 23rd, 2014 at 10:24 PM.
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Old May 29th, 2014, 04:18 PM   #696
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to this day i still have a self harm problem due to other reasons and i hate the way i look and i have lots of other stuff too. Sometimes when im angry or depressed. Its become somewhat of a habit reaction i guess.

Last edited by gothy; July 23rd, 2014 at 10:26 PM.
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Old June 2nd, 2014, 07:34 AM   #697
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Unhappy Re: First Time Cutting

I cut for the very first time when I was like 13. That was because I didn't have any friends at all. Nobody even noticed me. I started being foolish in class for attention and everybody laughed at me but nobody knew the pain and lonelyness I felt. My grades in school got worse and worse too. I stopped cutting when I was 15 after therapy. Yesterday, two years later I've started cutting again. Everything is fucked up. My best friend has bulimia and is in a clinic right now. My dad left my mom. My sister is turning into a real bitch. My girlfriend is about to split up with me. I just took my razor blades and cut my whole arm. I hate myself right now.
Sorry, for the bad English.
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Old June 10th, 2014, 12:28 AM   #698
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

It was the night my mom finally packed her bags and left. To add to my distress, she took my 2 sisters with her........... The very next day we thought one of my sisters close friends committed suicide. I couldn't believe it. My dad just kept crying and crying all day. He was sobbing at night. I didn't know what to do. Every buyable option I had involved emotional pain I didn't want to deal with. I bounced between my home and the motel my mom was staying at. Each place was a living hell for me. So finally at 2AM in my moms hotel room i just lost it and started scratching *deep* into my arms. It made pretty nasty welts. Then I walked back home at lil 2:45 AM and drank like 4 cups of sleepy time tea and just tried my hardest to go to sleep.

that was the only time I self harmed myself. I hope to never do it again.
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Old June 18th, 2014, 09:29 PM   #699
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

The first time I made a cut I was 12 - three years ago. I felt.. relieved. I used to poke myself really hard with a pencil, and one day it broke the skin and I bled.. It felt so much better to bleed; I used a razor ever since. I started 'poking' me after my uncle died of cancer. I couldn't deal with the pain, so I kind of made me feel physical pain to distract my mind in a way. After that, lots of things have happened. Peer pressure, drugs, break-ups, pressure at home, school.. I am addicted and I can't seem to stop.

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Old June 26th, 2014, 03:50 AM   #700
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Default Re: First Time Cutting

The first time i cut was a little over a year ago. I barely remember a detail. Now, when i try to put the peices together, I remember myself cying. The next thing i know, dragging sewing needles across my arm. I remember the blood dripping. The relief i felt, I would've done anything to have felt that feeling.
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