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Old April 7th, 2004, 02:05 AM   #21
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My first time was in the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I started after I was attacked by three men in LA, I felt so terrible that I just started cutting because it seemed like an easy way to make the pain subside. I never meant for it to go as far as it's going, but once I started I couldn't quit.
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Old April 7th, 2004, 05:30 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilly_420_2003
lots of things, bad things that were happening to me and that I saw and my mom and him fighting and everything else, oh well though. I was little and should have known better.
I'm very sorry, I don't think it fair that at such an age you should resort to cutting, you were young, you didn't know better.
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Old April 7th, 2004, 12:49 PM   #23
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the first time i cut i didnt know i was doing it...i was in 7th grade, and i was sitting backstage for a play, waiting for the scene to change so i could go on. i took a safety pin and just started scratching it across my hand really hard, i didnt know i was doing it untill my friend freaked out b/c of the blood.

i had done self harm type things before that(i didnt know it at the time tho) like everyday in 3rd grade i would slam my head against the brick wall at school as hard as i could during recess. and i would climb trees and hurl myself from them. once i put a rusty nail through my foot by standing on it, i think i was 9 when i did that. idk i'm fucked up

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Old April 7th, 2004, 01:08 PM   #24
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the first time I cut I was like 12 I think..it was at the beginning of 7th grade and I was just really fucked off by everything,father,teachers,...I was sitting in my room,on the floor,next to my bedside table and took my scissors and cut a little...it didn't bleed much, though...and I just felt so free...

my soul\'s crying
and my body\'s bleeding
but nobody cares,
and so I die in pain,
quiet, only for myself.
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Old April 7th, 2004, 04:01 PM   #25
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Thank-you Jono, that helps, I guess I was just going thru 2 much stuff at the time and experiencing 2 much stuff that and 8 yr. old shouldn't have. I thought it was all just normal though and that's what everyone was doing and going thru

Never give up,
Never give in,
but making mistakes
is Never a sin
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Old April 7th, 2004, 11:05 PM   #26
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th first 'cut' was november of 2002. i was 17 and i was depressed again. the main thought was "this is practice. i have to prepare for my departure" at the time, i had this foolish belief that i would succeed my third and final attempt at suicide. i felt that if i 'practiced' the cuts , i would know how deep i needed to go. how foolish, because i became addicted to the cutting, and forgot completely about the attempt.
Foolish delusions of an unbalanced mind.
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Old April 8th, 2004, 08:06 AM   #27
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There is nothing foolish about it, I don't want to condone cutting but cutting is better than suicide. Now all you need to do is try to stop cutting and hopefully things should get better.
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Old April 9th, 2004, 12:15 AM   #28
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i first cut when i was in sixth grade. i was just really upset about a lot of things and i didn't know where to turn. i saw i psychologist for about 2 months before convincing my parents i was "better" and i was for the rest of the year but at the beginning of seventh i started again and i've been on and off since then.

i was just wondering, now this is for the older dudes, like 17 and older. i'm only 13 but i've heard from a lot of older people that middle school is tough and that it's not just me and when i look back it everything in a few years i'll realize it wasn't that bad. i seriously doubt that because it's not like everyone in middle school has had "help" or cut. what do you think? is middle school really much less worse than most kids think it is?
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Old April 9th, 2004, 06:54 AM   #29
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I can't remember when i started to cut, but it was a long time ago.
It was when i first started to see and hear this fucking shit.
I was so afraid of everything.. I couldnt stand up, so i just fell down on the floor next to my bed.
And i grabed a razorblade (strangely i found one under my bed..) and i stated to cut.. I was so upset and sad so i cutted so deep and the whole floor was all covered with blood..
I loved it.. So i've did it again and i've keept on ever since..
That was my first time.. I still got those scars..
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Old April 11th, 2004, 10:09 AM   #30
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One of my friends cut himself a few times but stopped. I didnt see how it was so addicting so I decided to but myself once and see what the big deal was. Not only did it hurt, it was the most painful thing I had ever been through ( and I had contests to see who could last the longest in titty twister wars) just knowing I was going to be hurt was what did that.
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Old May 10th, 2004, 09:50 PM   #31
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i started cutting this year,7th grade, for a lot of reason,friends familyschool everything,i feel like i have something when i cut,freedom, when i dont i feel like ive lost everything cause i have my family dont understand me friedns only one person does my best friend katie shes all i have besides cutting i posted earlier about how i was trying to stop i dont have any pro no one in my family know

Lots Of Love
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Alone in my world of pain....help me find a way out~~~~Jesse
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Old May 18th, 2004, 01:35 PM   #32
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the reason i first cut was because my friend told me that she cut, I had never even imagined that ppl did that, it scared the hell out of me and i thought she was a freak but i really liked her and i wanted to understand y so i tried it myself, i didnt really get it the first time but i stuck with it and looked into it on the internet. As i got more into it i began to understand her more and now we are real close and im thankfull for what she has given me because i feel like this is where i belong and she helped me find my path.
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Old May 19th, 2004, 10:52 AM   #33
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i first cut in september of 2002, i was extemly fucked up and felt i was being ignored, i guess it was a cry for attention. Though i had nobody to cry to except myself as only one person ever found out, whenever i felt down i would go to my room and take my penknife out of my back pocket and sit there and scratch things into my arm, ive been doing it scince,but i stopped a month ago and im glad i did. but i dont think it would be that bad if i did start up again as its a part of me

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Old May 31st, 2004, 05:15 AM   #34
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First time I cut is like The Wizard and psycho cat. I noticed when playing with my cat that she was slicing my arm up somthing bad but, I didn't really care.
So, I went on, I got more depresed, started hitting walls and such. Eventualy I cut myself shaving and that felt good too so I broke my razor and it all went down the pan. That was late 2003 somewhen. I hardly did it at all though. Just a few small ones on the top of my arm. Stopped pretty easily. Only mistake is I didn't throw away the blades so, I've started again and can't stop this time.
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Old June 1st, 2004, 07:10 PM   #35
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reading all the stories about cutting made it seem the tinyest bit more attractive to me.

I better destroy all of my pocket knives.

Timantha
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Old June 1st, 2004, 10:12 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Timantha
reading all the stories about cutting made it seem the tinyest bit more attractive to me.

I better destroy all of my pocket knives.
The thing is, that true i think for many cutters. they see it, they wonder whats its like, they try it, they get addicted, they cant stop. Its like a drug!

To win the respect of intelegent people and the affection of children, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is too have SUCCEEDED! - Emerson

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Old June 2nd, 2004, 09:24 PM   #37
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I first started last summer - 2003, mainly because I was so sick of my life and feeling so numb... I remember coming home this one day and I was so depressed that I didn't have a job, or a car, and all my friends were mad at me, and a whole bunch of other stuff - I was sitting in my room crying and shaking, panicking about every single aspect of my life to such an extent that I got to the point where I thought I would never calm down. Then I saw this pair of scissors under my bed and I just grabbed them and made a small cut in my arm and I could feel the pain and see the blood and it calmed me down from what was pretty much a panic attack. After a few more small ones on my arms only when I REALLY felt I needed to, I started doing them on my leg because that's easier to hide, and doing them more often to, at least once a week, even though I was still trying to limit it. It's just a coping mechanism for me, I don't know how else I could get through things... and it's a part of me - a part I don't really want to let go of.

Check out my online diary at http://onlydespair.diaryland.com !
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Old June 7th, 2004, 07:18 PM   #38
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I'm a vampiric, gothic, satanist, bisexual, punk, tomboy and a freak of nature. For those who don't know vampiric is like being weak without blood. It's like my coffee . My parent sknow all of it except the bisexual but i think there gettin the hint. . My moms mom is not doing to well with the situation but whateve see ya

sad depressed freak of nature teens can have boyfriends too
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Old June 9th, 2004, 11:43 AM   #39
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I are a new kid, and sorry to trundle in like this, but I'd like to voice my reasons. I know them, and I hate them, so really I'd just like to get it out of the way =)

I'd seen my friend do it. She came to my house before we went out somewhere looking quite upset, and vanished into my bathroom for a while - not excedingly long, so I didn't think about it, just wondering if she was ok. She was.

Couple of weeks later at school she shows us these 'cuts' on her arms. She seemed proud? I'm not sure. I just looked - I suppose I thought 'pssht'. It didn't look like anything but a bit blotchy. Another friend was very worried but I kept watching her, looking at her cuts.

I had a paper-round. After school a couple of days later, I was out on it. I was bored, confused, and wet. It was raining. Before I knew it I was wandering around my area scratching at my arm - I thought of it as a competition. I knew I'd show her. And it'd be better. It was horrible. I seemingly had no motive to do it. But I liked it, so I did it again. Then I moved on from just scratching - finding blades from pencil sharpners, my penknife, and eventually I dismantled my razors.We both got worse.

Soon I relied on it. I've never been very good with emotions - I don't cry, I get angry too quickly, and I'm generally not very pleasant a lot of the time, I think. So, when I was angry - usually at her for doing it, I didn't want her hurt, and thus proving my inability to deal with emotions - I'd do it too. I realised then that I was doing it because I was upset by her - I wanted her to see how horrible it was to see a friend disfigured in such a way.

Eventually I stopped, and I'm pretty certain she did too.
I've been clean from it for...8 months now. I can't say I don't get any urges, because I do, but it is so much nicer to be able to walk around in a teeshirt and shorts without sitting in awkward postions or getting those awkward questions.

Sorry if that was really story-esque!
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Old June 16th, 2004, 05:27 PM   #40
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Default I can't stop it and I'm hurting my bf and i hate it

I cut alot almost everytime i have aknife a pair of scissors a razor a safetypin or any sharp object and im alone. I can't stop it! I try so hard and no matter how hard i try i always go back to it! My boyfriend yelled at me the other day and like i got what he was saying but it didnt make sense its not easy to think of this the way 'normal' people do its just not that symple i see things different than other ppl i hate it i wish i was normal like i used to be but i cant go back i try and try im even seeing a therapist but it isnt helping at all! It even got worse in the past month idk what to do! i hate thinking of the fact that it hurts my boyfriend to see my cuts but i cant help it i even did it in my sleep about a week ago! i woke up the next morning and had a big slit on my left wrist! im scared i might go too far one time and commit suicide and ever since my friend committed suicide its been on my mind and it was about 2 months ago HELP ME PLEASE!

I loved him and then he left bringing every bit of reality back into the nightmare of living another day without him.
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